


No Matter Where You Are

by Redworks



Series: The Window Was Always Open [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Bullying, Child Abuse, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Football, Gambling, Growing Up Together, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kid Fic, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 85,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redworks/pseuds/Redworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis never meant for any of this. He never meant for any of it to happen but it did and he's here and he's trying. Harry tried and he's done, he's been done for awhile. </p><p>Growing up together it was always Louis and Harry, Harry and Louis until all of a sudden it wasn't and they weren't sure if it ever would be again. Can they find their way through it or will past mistakes keep them apart? </p><p>AU where Louis makes a lot of mistakes but Harry loves him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Cream Sweater

**Author's Note:**

> Prologue Chapter its short and sweet! The rest will be much much longer I promise (:
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I do not own the pictures or any names in story*

                         

 

 

 

Louis was new to Holmes Chapel. His mother Jay after she divorced Louis' father decided it was a good idea to move and start over in a new place. Going to a new school was one of Louis’ worst nightmares, not to mention the added stress of now being in charge of bringing his sisters to and from school and watching all of them while Jay was at work, sometimes even overnight. To say Louis was on edge was an understatement, he was only twelve he wasn’t supposed to have to know how to cook or clean yet for six people.

Yet here he was up before school trying not to burn the toast so his sisters would have at least something to eat for breakfast. Louis was relieved that the school would feed them lunch to keep them from starving to death. Louis saw that Lottie was the only one not sitting at the table in front of him ready for school. It was a miracle that he had Fizzie, Phoebe and Daisy dressed with jackets and he even found them matching socks among the unpacked boxes that littered their tiny house. They each had a piece of toast that they munched on and he felt proud at that. He clutched the edge of the sink trying to breathe in and out and remember his checklist. Girl’s dressed and somewhat fed, check. Book bags with pencils and notebook’s, check. Laundry was in the washer, dish washer full and running, all he needed was Lottie to be ready now before they could leave.

“LOTTIE!” he yelled hopping she was ready. He was thankful when she came bounding down the stairs ready blonde pigtails flopping around. They had about five minutes to shove their faces with toast before they had to leave and make the twenty minute walk to school. Lottie sat down and shoved the toast into her mouth chewing quickly and washing it down with the little juice that was left in the jug. Louis made a mental note to stop at Tesco on his way back from school. “Alright time to go girls,” he told them throwing the last of their dishes in the sink for later. Their first stop was at the daycare to drop off Daisy and Phoebe. They could take the bus but that would mean him leaving Lottie and Fizzie at school earlier and the girls would be waiting around school for too long before it started. Louis shuffled the girls into the other room to put their shoes on and Louis just sat there and sighed.

"Louis can you tie my shoes?" Daisy asked from her spot on the ground sticking her feet up at him.

"Of course love," he bent down and bunny lopped her laces just how she liked them. Lock the doors, he reminded himself as he pushed off the floor and closed the door behind him.

The walk was cold and raining and they only had two umbrellas. He made the twins share while Lottie and Fizzie shared the other one. Louis was left to walk in the rain but he didn’t mind too much as long as they stayed relatively dry. But by the time he dropped the girls off giving them hugs and reassuring words he'd be there to pick them up, and walked the extra ten minutes to his school he was soaked and shivering violently. His hair was stuck to his head and even his socks were wet but he didn’t have a spare uniform yet seeing as today was his first day.

Louis found himself still shivering despite running his hands under warm water to try and get feeling back in his fingers. He was fighting back tears at this point. He didn’t know where his locker was what classes he had, where his classes were or anything yet. He had barely managed to find the bathroom to hide in. The anxiety that clawed in Louis’ stomach was making him feel sick. He looked at himself in the mirror, his caramel brown hair was flat and dark against his forehead, deep circles had made their home under his once cerulean eyes that now seemed dull. He was usually naturally tan but right now he looked pale and sickly. Between the cold and the pounding of thoughts in his head he thought he might actually pass out. Who would pick up the girls? Jay would be asleep, he didn’t know the neighbors, he didn’t want to wake his mom up. Oh god. The panic was starting to overwhelm Louis when the door to the bathroom opened. Louis didn’t even bother looking up he just kept warming his hands under the water trying to slow his rapidly increasing heart rate.

“Hello?" a voice called out to him from the doorway. Louis didn't answer he just keep his head down. " Nasty weather we’ve got today don’t you think?” the strange boy tried again. Louis finally decided that it would be rude to ignore the person. He scrubbed his eyes quickly and looked up to find a pair of deep green eyes staring at him carefully. The boy looking at him was taller than Louis, and thin his navy blazer and cream sweater hung off of him a bit. He had pale skin with a mess of thick brown curls on his head. He looked younger than Louis but he was still taller. Of course, everyone always was. Louis saw the concern in his eyes right away and Louis tried to put on a blank expression. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him.

“Hi.” Louis pulled himself together, “a bit too cold and wet if you ask me,” Louis told him gesturing to his soaked clothes. The boy looked at him and chuckled, he dropped his backpack to the floor and went to open it. Before Louis knew what he was doing a cream sweater and a blazer were being thrown into his arms. The fabric was warm and soft and Louis looked at the boy who had already zipped up his backpack and was making his way towards the door. Louis opened his mouth to say something but the boy cut him off.

“You can borrow those, they’re my old ones from last year, my mom won’t mind” the boy said smirking at him and leaving before Louis could even say thank you. The door closed softly behind him. Louis hugged the clothes and he finally felt like he could breathe for a moment. He slipped off his wet blazer and sweater and grabbed the dry oversized one. There was a name written on the tag, it read ‘Harry Styles’ in black sharpie.

‘Harry Styles’, Louis didn’t know just how much that name would mean to him someday as he pulled the warm sweater over his head and hugged it to himself.


	2. Chapter One: Pink Bows and Pasta Noodles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't how I had originally planned this story but I like how it's coming along. This is still kind of a backstory chapter but I thought it might help the story later on!

      Jay had come home and seen Louis wearing a significantly more worn sweater than she had bought and demanded how he could have possibly ruined it in one day. Louis wasn’t surprised she thought he could destroy a sweater in one day he almost burned the house down cooking eggs. He reluctantly handed over the sweater not wanting to have to give it back. Jay had found the name written on the tag and Louis told her about the boy he met at school. She had called the school and managed to track down ‘Harry Styles’ home address and they went to return it.

      Louis was upset and that much was clear. He was being stubborn and wouldn’t hand over the sweater again unless it was to Harry himself. They drove a few minutes down the road to a small red house that had a white picket fence surrounding it. The yard was littered with giant trees their branches extending half way across the yard and some taller than the house itself. They knocked on the door and Louis clutched the sweater close to his chest. It still smelled like fresh laundry with a hint of an earthy smell.

     A petite middle aged woman with dark hair answered the door. Her flower apron covered in flour and other spills. She smiled brightly at the two of them,

     “Hello, who do we have here?” she looked down at Louis death gripping the sweater now. Louis averted his eyes and looked down at his feet. He concentrated on scuffing one foot over the other.

     His mother finally spoke up, “Hello, my name is Jay Tomlinson and this is my son Louis,” she stuck her hand out and the woman wiped her hands off on her apron before politely shaking it.

    “Anne Styles, nice to meet you. By the looks of that ratty sweater you’re holding I’d say you’re the boy Harry gave his sweater to?” she asked with absolutely no anger or annoyance, only sincerity. Louis nodded quickly too nervous to speak.

   “He told me all about it,” Anne chuckled lightly. She seemed nice enough. Her smile was gentle and friendly. Louis hoped that she wouldn’t mind that he borrowed the sweater. He really needed it at the time and he was going to give it back even though he didn’t want to.

   “I was worried he took it and ruined it,” Jay told her laughing along. His mum brushed the hair off her face and adjusted her sweater before going up the last step to stand next to Anne. Louis was left looking up at the two women. They were both laughing and Louis liked it.

   “Nope, that thing would be Harry’s doing. He grew four inches in two months and he grew out of that sweater faster than I could blink. Speaking of, Harry dear come out here!” she shouted back into the house.

    We could hear rustling coming from the other room and then the curly haired boy popped his head around the corner looking out the door at Louis. Louis felt himself relax a bit. He like this boy named Harry even if they only spoke once. Harry was calm and he had helped Louis without him even needing to ask. He was sure that if it wasn’t for Harry he surely would have had to leave school and go home or call his mum or something really. He wouldn’t have made it through the day in his soaking clothes.

   “Hey, it’s you!” Harry half shouted and came fully into view now. He was just as tall as Louis remembered him. His cheeks were a bit pink and his curls unruly from, what Louis assumed, was lying on the couch. Louis extended his arms half pushing the sweater towards him. For a twelve year he sure felt like he was acting like an eight year old right now. Harry frowned and Louis felt himself frown too. Was Harry mad? Did he ruin the sweater? Anne saw their faces and spoke up,

   “Why don’t you keep that as an extra one Louis, Harry can’t even fit that one over his head anymore,” she smiled fondly at the two of them. After Anne spoke Harry’s face lit up like a firework. His face tugged into a smile and two giant dimples appeared on each side.

   “If you’re sure…” Jay asked just to double check her hesitance evident. “Of course I’m sure!” she clapped her hands together.Louis brought the sweater back to clutch at his chest again. He felt the knots in his stomach release and he smiled at them. He didn’t know why but he really did not want to give the sweater back.

    Anne and Jay kept talking while Harry and Louis sat on the front step eating fresh cookies that had just come out of the oven. The two boys hadn’t said much to each other but they clearly enjoyed each other’s company. Louis felt relaxed for once and when Harry smiled at him he felt like he could breathe. They sat there for longer than Louis knew his mum had intended but he was relieved that she was finally laughing again too.

   Jay and Anne made plans to get together sometime next week and Harry asked if Louis would come too. Louis could only smile and nod. Friends, Louis knew him and Harry were friends, that they would be great friends.

* * *

 

 

    It had been a few months since Louis moved to Holmes Chapel and he finally felt like he had a routine down. He got the girls ready every day for school his only struggle was finding matching pairs of socks. He had no idea where they went. He swears he put them in the wash together and they come out in odd numbers. They do the chores such as cleaning the morning dishes and picking up the number of toys the girls lay scattered around the house. Then he does homework with them after school but on the days when his mom is home he would go over to Harry’s.

    He found out that Harry was a year below him but he didn’t mind. Harry had introduced him to his next door neighbor, Zayn, who was Louis’ age. He had tanned skin and dark hair which contrasted Louis lighter hair and blue eyes. The three of them would play football in Harry’s backyard till it was too dark to see and Louis lived for those days. Currently though Harry was over at Louis’ helping him watch the girls while his mom was working at the hospital.

    Harry was sprawled across the floor, Daisy perched by his head randomly placing pink bows in his mass of curls. Louis was worried some might get lost in there never to be found again. Louis loved how calm Harry always was, he had his eyes closed and was breathing evenly almost as if he was sleeping. Which Louis had no idea how he could do that considered the twins were tugging and pulling at his hair not as gently as they thought they were being.

   “Alright, alright girls leave poor hazza alone!” he chuckled trying and failing to keep his voice stern. The girls frowned but started plucking their bows back out of Harry’s hair. Finally Harry cracked his eyes open and looked at Louis a sleepy smile on his face.

   “Help me make dinner?” Louis asked making his way towards the kitchen. He knew Harry would without even needing to ask. Once they both were in the kitchen Harry started grabbing out pots and ingredients.

   “I can make pasta?”

    “Sounds better than anything I can make, unless you want cheese on toast?” Harry hummed laughed knowing now Louis was a horrible cook. Louis pulled himself up to perch on the edge of the counter to watch Harry as he worked hoping maybe he could learn how to do it.

    Highly doubtful, but still worth a shot. He pulled a few noodles out of the pot to check and see if they were done by throwing them at the ceiling. He threw one at Harry’s face but it landed in his hair instead. He earned a laugh from Harry and he couldn’t help the fond smile that spread over his face.

   Finally dinner was ready and he called in the troops setting the table while Harry dished out pasta and toast. He didn’t mind nights like these when he had Harry to help, it made things feel lighter to know that there was someone he could go to. The girls ate giggling to each other and Louis felt on top of the world. He was doing okay and he was managing to keep their family together like he knew his mom was silently begging for him to do.

  They finished up dinner, put the dishes in the sink for later and Louis helped all the girls into pajamas after they brushed their teeth. Daisy and Phoebe were tucked under the covers peeking at him going towards the door.

   “Lou, will you read us a story?” Louis sighed because he was tired and he still had some of his own school work do to. He couldn’t say no to the two sets of puppy eyes though so he shuffled back inside the room. Their entire room was covered in pink head to toe, flowers everywhere.

   “What story would you like?” he asked them scanning their small pile of books.

   “Princess and the Pea!” The two girls shouted loudly giggling with excitement. Louis grabbed the book and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Daisy. He started reading the book quickly but still adding in voices and hand motions. Harry had come to see what was taking so long and when he found Louis reading he stayed leaning against the door frame. After the story was finished the girls drifted off sleep. Harry and Louis snuck out of the room but not before turning on their starlight night light.

    Louis closed the door quietly with only a small click. It was around nine pm and Jay wouldn’t be home for another couple hours. Louis suddenly felt restless and didn’t think he could sleep. Harry must have been able to sense his mood change because he grabbed his shaking hands and tugged him down the hall to Louis’ room. Louis was already in sweats and a jumper but Harry went and grabbed himself a comfier shirt. Louis sat on the edge of the bed hands twisting in his lap. Front door locked, check. Washer started, check. Backpacks packed, check.

   Louis’ mind was scrolling through his mental checklist. He now was mindless scratching at the spot on his chest over his heart willing it to stop beating so rapidly. Harry slipped his hand in his and pulled it away from his chest. He motioned for Louis to get under the covers and Louis could only comply. His heart was pounding out of his chest now and his head swirling. The blanket felt like it was crushing him.

   This was how it went almost every night for Louis, the panic that he forgot something becoming too much. He rolled over trying to hide from Harry who he knew was leaving and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. The covers lifted up and the bed dipped behind him. He felt Harry scoot closer and hesitantly wrap his arms around Louis waist. Harry threaded his fingers through Louis’ to try and stop the shaking. Louis could feel the warmth of Harry pressed close to him and he felt himself clinging to it, desperately needing it. Harry nuzzled his face into Louis’ hair and let soft breaths warm his neck. Louis tried to follow the rhythm of Harry’s slow breathing.

   Eventually the slow circles that Harry was rubbing on his hand along with Louis trying to match his breathing, helped slow his heart rate. Louis drifted off wrapped up in Harry’s arms.

    Jay walked in the next morning the door not so quietly opening. Louis shot up out of bed. In the process he knocked Harry on the ground with a thump with the blankets still wrapped around him. Jay laughed and when Louis’ mind finally caught up with the fact that Jay was home and he didn’t forget to wake up he slumped back down on the bed. His heart was beating quickly but the rest of his body still felt heavy with sleep. He was tired still but he felt much better than he had the night before. Harry’s presence had calmed him enough to get a solid eight hours of sleep. That was impressive by Louis’ standards.

   Harry crawled back on the edge of the bed and shook out his curls that were sticking up funny in the back. Louis picked at the edge of his fraying blanket. Jay had left them to get the girls ready for school.

   “Lou, I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t mind. Okay?” Harry spoke quietly but firmly. He got up from the bed and walked back to Louis closet to steal yet another shirt. Louis felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude. He launched himself off the bed at Harry wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist and nuzzling his head into his back. Harry almost fell over forward from the force but he stayed steady gripping Louis’ arms in his own. Louis squeezed Harry tight actually clawing at his shirt pulling it into his grip.

   “Th-thank you,” he whispered quietly into Harry’s back. Louis let go just as quickly as he had grabbed him and walked over to the dresser to grab his own clothes.

    They had school today and Harry had slept over not really thinking it through forcing them to hurry out the door to stop at his house along the way. He hustled in and hustled back out shirt untucked, tie draped around his neck. Thank goodness Jay had driven them otherwise they would have been really late. They made their way inside the front door just as the warning bell rang. Louis smiled at Harry before running the opposite way to his first class.

    He had English first period with Zayn making the morning a bit more bearable. They practiced spelling words and Zayn always answered the teacher saying, ‘vas’ instead of ‘what’s’ just because he knew their teacher Ms. Claire hated it. She would endless try to politely correct Zayn who continued to play dumb about his mistake. Louis went from smirking, to laughing in his hand, to full on laughing face down on the desk trying to muffle the noise in his arms. Zayn sat next to him smiling his innocent but shit eating grin. The rest of the class was trying to muffle their laughter as well until Ms. Claire finally gave up trying.

   “Tonight we’re playing football at Harry’s” Zayn turned towards him and told him quickly before the bell rings. “You coming?” Zayn asked. 

   “Yeah, I’ve got to bring my sister’s home then I’ll be over,” Louis beamed at him. Football was his safe haven. His bad day has turned around and he drifted through the rest of the school day worry free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, let me know what you think, I love comments. Helps me fix things and see what people like and don't like!


	3. Blue Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the errors! I tried my best to read it through and fix it but I know I've missed stuff

Harry wasn’t sure what was wrong with Louis, he could feel the anxiety radiating off of him. Louis was hunched and his hands were shaking and Harry didn’t like how it made his stomach churn. He wasn’t sure what to do other than to try and get him to sleep but when he got Louis to his room he could see his chest raising and falling rapidly.  
Grabbing himself a shirt from Louis closet knowing it would be a bit too small but he didn’t mind. Turning back around he noticed Louis absently clawing at his chest above his heart and Harry felt a desperate need to make it stop. 

Before he could think too much he slowly slipped his hand in Louis’ to pull it gently away from where he was scratching at his chest. It was a nervous habit he noticed Louis had developed over the time that he knew him. He managed to get Louis into bed and when he started making his way towards the door to go sleep on the couch he noticed Louis trembling and could hear his sharp painful breathes. Harry was younger sure but he felt like he had to protect Louis and right now that instinct was through the roof. He lifted the covers a slid in behind him wrapping him up in his arms to try and calm him as his mother did to him sometimes. 

Rubbing circles on the tops of Louis’ hands seemed to help him ground himself. Harry felt Louis’ hair tickle his neck as he pulled him in closer. It took a while but finally he felt Louis’ breathe even out and he knew he was asleep. Harry knew he should get up and go to the couch but he also didn’t want to loosen his hold on Louis. The boy fit right into his arms and his warmth soothed was soothing Harry to sleep. He matched his breathing with Louis and felt the boy’s slow heart beat thrum through his chest. Harry closed his eyes and allowed himself to be enveloped by Louis’ warmth. 

Harry heard a door open but he was too warm and content to care. Louis was wrapped up in his arms and then he wasn’t . Harry felt his arms dislodge and he tipped over the edge of the bed on to the floor dragging all the blankets with him. Dazed and confused he pushed himself up on his elbows and saw Jay laughing at the two boys. He smiled sheepishly at her before climbing back onto the bed with Louis who was sitting up stark straight. Jay left them to go get the girls ready and Harry took in the look on Louis’ face. His eyes were pulled together and a frown was plastered to his puffy face. 

“Lou, I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t mind. Okay?” Harry spoke to Louis quietly willing him to believe him. Louis didn’t answer right away he just pulled on the hem of his shirt. Harry got up from the bed figuring he’d borrow another shirt. He was a bit sweaty from having Louis wrapped up in his arms. He started getting ready because they’d have to leave soon. 

Harry was gazing into the closet trying to find a shirt that would fit when he felt Louis slam into him wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. Harry stumbled forward but managed to keep the two of them from falling over completely. Harry’s heart sped up and he felt Louis heavy breathing. His small hands were gripping at Harry’s shirt tightly balling it into his fists. 

“Th-thank you,” Louis whispered quietly into Harry’s back. Harry smiled to himself enjoying Louis’ warmth. Louis had hugged him and then let go quickly after that running down the hall to the bathroom to get ready. 

They barely managed to make it on time to school running opposite ways for class after Jay had dropped them off. Harry was a year younger than Louis and Zayn. Sometimes that made him jealous because he’d never have a class with them. Also they would leave him behind when they got older and changed schools before him. 

Harry was starring aimlessly out the window of his classroom when he remembered he had talked to Zayn yesterday about playing football at his house after school. He hoped that Louis would come. He loved being with Zayn but he always wanted Louis around a tiny bit more. Harry spent the entire day only half paying attention to what his teachers were saying. When his teachers asked him questions he had to quickly reel in his thoughts and try to answer. He blushed with embarrassment when he had to ask his maths teacher to repeat the question. 

Louis was very different from all of Harry’s other friends. He was out going and loud when he wanted to be or when he could stop worrying long enough to be. He was thoughtful and selfless especially when it came to his sisters. Harry knew Louis would do absolutely anything for those girls if it meant he could get them to smile. Harry felt himself being drawn to Louis more than anyone he’d ever met and he didn’t mind one bit. 

The final bell rang meaning school was over. Harry hadn’t paid much attention the entire day his mind kept going back to the worried look on Louis’ face. He was supposed to meet Zayn outside after school to walk to home together. It was a decent day and they had planned on playing footie when they got home ignoring their impending homework.

Harry made his way through the halls and out the main doors weaving around people in the way. Breathing in the fresh air he made his way to the bench where he and Zayn met every day. Plopping down and throwing his backpack aside he let his head tilt back to look at the sky. There were a few clouds rolling by and Harry watched as they slowly changed shape. It was relaxing until hands came down to shake his shoulders. 

“What’s up mate?” Zayn’s face came into view above his smiling wide. Harry chuckled and used extra effort to pull his body back up into a normal sitting position. Zayn sat down next to him and started digging through his backpack. 

“Ready to go play footie?” Harry asked Zayn who popped back up to look at him.

“Yeah” he said excitedly he looked back into backpack but sat up quickly again, “I invited Louis too, he’s going to drop his sisters off and then come over,” he added before returning to his quest to find something in his backpack. He pulled out a pack of gum with a triumph lot. “Want one?” he asked popping a piece into his mouth and started chewing.  
“Nah, I’m alright. Let’s get going then if Louis is going to meet us there,” Harry got up from the worn bench and grabbed his backpack off the ground. He brushed some dirt and grass off the bottom before slinging it over his one shoulder. Zayn always made fun of him when he wore both straps. Harry was excited Louis was coming over, he didn’t know why he forgot to ask Louis if he wanted to come. Harry always wanted Louis there. 

Zayn and Harry walked quietly occasionally laughing at a story about their day. Harry told Zayn he hardly heard a word any of his teachers said today and Zayn laughed.

“Mate, I never hear a word they say,” Zayn wasn’t the most studious person Harry had ever met. That might be a normal thing though because Harry’s mom always sat down and worked on stuff at the table with him while he did homework. It was probably a way to make sure he was actually doing it without directly forcing him to do anything. Anne was clever like that. The walk was short and they made it back in no time opening Harry’s front door with the key he kept tucked in his backpack pocket. 

Anne was in the kitchen humming and cooking which seemed to be what she was always doing. Harry thought sometimes it was her way of making it up to him when she had to work all the time. He didn’t complain when he was well fed. They came in and sat at the table as she turned around. 

“Hello boys, hungry?” she asked already knowing the answer and was already at the fridge grabbing stuff to make sandwiches. 

“Starving,” Harry said quickly getting up to help. “Zayn what do you want? Turkey or ham?” Harry was laying out pieces of bread and his mother spread on mayo and mustard to all three sandwiches. 

“Ham, please” he asked politely. Zayn was always super shy in front of adults and Harry thought it was humorous because Zayn was by no means shy. Harry stacked Zayn’s sandwich and his own with ham putting on the finishing touches by adding lettuce and cheese. His master pieces complete they took the sandwiches out back and sat on the steps football already laying in the middle of the yard from two days ago when they last played. Harry ate quickly his stomach was rumbling from the long hours and no food. Anne had stayed inside to finish whatever dish she had started not wanting it to burn. 

“One on one till Louis gets here?” Harry asked running to the ball in the yard and kicking it lightly towards Zayn who was finishing his food still. He stopped it with his foot and held it there before tapping it back.

“Alright but the no goal rule stands,” because there was only two of them they had to make up a set of rules to keep the game fair, especially if it was two on one, which, most of the time it was. Some of the rules were absurd like if you hit the tree it didn’t count or if it bounces twice on the ground inside the goal it’s a no goal. 

They started passing the ball to each other and then finally started trying to score goals around each other. Harry laughed when he went to kick the ball but it went right under his foot and Zayn stole it and scored. Harry knew he wasn’t very good and at the very least found his mistakes hysterical. His coach for his team on the other hand found it irritating and infuriating at the same time. 

The next time Harry tripped over Zayn’s leg after he scored. He tucked and rolled out flat on his back. Zayn was doubled over in laughter as Harry started pulling grass clumps out of his curls. A loud laugh was coming from over the fence as Louis let himself into the backyard. 

“Harry you’re a rite mess,” he continued to laugh with Zayn who went to help pull Harry up off the ground. Harry gratefully accepted the hands to pull him up. Louis reached up and started plucking out pieces of grass dragging his small hands through Harry’s curls. 

Harry couldn’t help the blush that spread over his face. It always felt nice when people played with his hair. It was a soft spot for him. 

Once Louis was finished he ran over and started dribbling the ball back and forth between his feet skillfully. Louis unlike Harry was good at footie. It came natural to him and sometimes Harry was jealous just how good he was. 

The game picked up again, Harry in goal, Louis and Zayn battling for control over the ball. They were out of breath with their hands on their hips after Louis scored for the fifth time in the last half hour. They had been playing for a while and Harry was getting hungry. Harry jogged towards the house to grab some crisps and shouted over his shoulder,

“I’ll be right back I’m grabbing food,” to Louis and Zayn who had sat down leaning against the largest tree in the backyard. Harry closed the door behind him and slid off his dirty shoes. He ran to the kitchen and opened random cabinets looking for something good to eat. He heard the phone ringing in the other room but he didn’t answer it assuming his mum would get it. 

From the other room Harry could hear Anne say hello to whoever had called and then the sound of rustling. Curiosity took over and Harry picked up the old school phone hanging on the wall next to the fridge. 

What he wasn’t expecting was to hear Lottie’s voice frantically shouting on the other end of the receiver.

“I don’t know what happened, I just went to grab crayons and when I came back Daisy was bleeding and it won’t stop!” she was shouting and Harry could hear her sobs coming through. Harry felt his own panic start, Daisy was bleeding?

“Okay Lottie listen to me, where is Jay?” he heard his mother questioning.

“She’s at work! She was supposed to have today off but she called and said she picked up a shift and I just wanted Louis to go have fun for once,” she cried loudly. “Please help me I don’t know what to do.”

Harry slammed the phone back on the receiver and ran out to the back yard throwing the door open. His heart was pounding in his chest, he felt the fear take over.

“LOUIS, LOUIS WE HAVE TO GO NOW!” he screamed from the door. Louis looked up at him startled by his shouts. Despite the confusion him and Zayn both stood up quickly and ran after Harry reacting to the panic in Harry’s tone. Anne had the phone still pressed to her ear and was running to the door to get them.

“Louis we need to go back to you house, now,” she said quickly and turned her attention back to the phone,

“Lottie, listen to me, take a clean cloth and hold it over the spot okay? Do you understand?” At the mention of Lottie’s name Louis’ head snapped up eyes wide with fear. Harry saw the panic clearly written over his entire body that had now gone rigid. Harry ran back to him and started pushing him towards the door. This was not the time to shut down.

“Lottie, I’m going to hang up now okay? I’ll be right over, stay calm we’re coming,” Anne said quickly before putting the phone down. They all ran out to the car and Harry had to practically push Louis into the car. Despite Harry’s effort he seems to have shut down from terror, his eyes were blown wide and Harry could see his shallow breaths in his chest. 

They got in the car and Anne sped well over the limit till they rounded the road to Louis’ house. Before the car even stopped Louis was throwing himself out the car and running towards the door that was already unlocked. Harry jogged quickly behind him and they could hear the screams and cries before they even saw the girls. 

When Harry rounded the corner into the kitchen he could see Lottie sitting on the floor a screaming Daisy in her arms. Harry almost choked on air when he saw the blood that was everywhere. It was dripping down Daisy’s arm on to the floor. Lottie had pressed a towel to her arm but the towel was now stained red. 

Louis was grabbing Daisy’s face and examining her, whispering reassuring words and wiping tears off her pale cheeks. Harry unsure of what to do looked at Lottie who was visibly shaking. Louis scooped Daisy up into his arms and ran her out to the car. Harry grabbed Lottie’s hand and pulled her with him after Louis. Anne was waiting with the engine running and thankfully Zayn had found the other two girls and loaded them into the car. They piled in on top of each other, double buckling everyone in. Louis sat in the front seat with a still sobbing Daisy wrapped up tightly in his arms. He was whispering in her ear and petting her hair trying to soothe her screams. 

Anne speed as quickly as she could without being too reckless with eight children in the car. They came up to the hospital entrance and Anne jumped out to help Louis get Daisy out of the car. Louis wouldn’t hand her over he simply followed Anne into the emergency doors. 

The car was parked off to the side of the road but Harry still had the girls get out the other side of the car away from the road. He climbed out behind them and grabbed both of their hands before crossing to go into the hospital. 

Anne and Louis were nowhere to be seen. Harry unsure again of what to do followed the signs that said waiting room. He sat the girls down on the couch together with Zayn and he sat down in the chair across from them. Harry hadn’t realized how hard he was breathing and how fast his heart was beating. There had been so much blood. The two girls held on to each other and snuggled into Zayn’s side who wrapped an arm around both of them. Harry breathed in and out trying to calm down. Where did they go? 

They waited patiently knowing there was nothing else they could do. Zayn and Harry kept giving each other sideways glances and looking at the passing time on the clock. Finally, Anne had found them all piled on top of each other on the couch after Harry had moved over to sit with the rest of them. The girls had fallen asleep in between Harry and Zayn. 

Anne motioned for them to follow her and Harry picked up Phoebe and Zayn carried Fizzy down the hall to Daisy’s hospital room. They sat the girls who barely stirred on the reclining chair together in the corner of the room. Louis was on the bed with Daisy in his arms. Harry could see that he was shaking but Louis put on a blank face. Lottie was laying curled up on the end of the bed so Harry went and sat down beside her brushing her hair off her face. 

Harry looked up and finally made eye contact with Louis and the look in Louis’ eyes was a mixture of anguish and sheer terror. Harry opened his mouth to say something but Louis shook his head slowly his eyes glistening but no tears fell. 

Anne was beside the bed as well sitting in a plastic chair from the hallway. 

“We think that Daisy was reaching in the sink for her cup and there was a knife left in there,” she said softly and Harry saw Louis shudder. “She needed stiches but she will be just fine,” she added looking directly at Louis trying to reassure him. Only Harry noticed how Louis tightened his grip on Daisy. 

They all stayed curled up into each other when Jay had finally got word and made it there. She was frantic but calmed down when she saw that Daisy was fine and sleeping in Louis’ arms. Jay and Anne went out into the hallway to talk and Harry glanced at a now sleeping Louis. It was getting really late now and Harry felt how tired he really was from all of today’s events. 

Jay and Anne started gently shaking kids awake and gathering up girls in their arms. A nurse came in with a wheel chair to bring Daisy to the car. Louis reluctantly let her be taken from his arms and immediately started mindlessly clawing at his chest like he does when he’s anxious. Harry didn’t even think he realized that he was doing it. It was such a deeply rooted habit that went unnoticed. 

Harry walked over and again slipped his hand in Louis’. It was the only way Harry could get him to stop and it made his heart lurch to think of what was going through Louis’ head. He knew he blamed himself that much was clear. Louis didn’t even looked up he just starred at the floor and Harry tried to gently tug him towards the door but Louis stayed rooted in place. 

“Lou?” Harry spoke quietly working his was slowly into Louis’ space. Louis stared at the ground shaking his head slowly used his free hand to grip his shirt over his heart as if it was physically hurt. Harry thought there was more meaning in that one small gesture than in any words he could have formed. He let Louis’ hand fall from his and Louis’ head snapped up in confusion and the terror that was showing in his eyes made Harry react faster to shut that thought from going any farther.

Harry threw his arms around Louis and crushed him flush to his body. There wasn’t one millimeter of space that wasn’t touching. He felt Louis take a shaky breath but he didn’t hug Harry back. Louis pulled back and Harry let his arms drop. 

Louis did slip his hand back in Harry’s who gently pulled him along down the hall towards the car where everyone was waiting. Harry felt the sadness pulling at his heart because he knew Louis wouldn’t stop blaming himself for this.


	4. Playgrounds and French Toast

Louis hadn’t been able to sleep more than maybe an hour all together the entire night. He’d wake up in a panic thinking he could hear Daisy’s cries. The first time it happened he flew out of bed and ran down the hall to his sister’s room heart pounding and palms sweating then all he could hear then was silence.

Still not convinced he quietly opened the door to the twin’s room. They were peacefully asleep wrapped up in their pink blankets. He watched for a minute the rise and fall of the lumps below the covers before he was satisfied that they were indeed okay. He went back to his room and lay looking at the ceiling for a long time.

Tossing and turning continually caused his blanket to heap around his waist. He wasn’t sure how long he was awake for, he closed his eyes only to jolt awake again. The guilt of the situation was literally eating at him. His stomach burned and there was a heavy weight in his chest. His heart was throbbing and in moments he had to curl into a ball because it physically hurt to think about. He let his mother down. He let his sister get hurt, he promised he would never let anything happen to them and he failed. Louis felt the tears gather behind his eyes but he rubbed them furiously not letting himself feel sorry for himself because this was one hundred percent his fault. He wasn’t allowed to be upset he had to be better and not mess up again.

No more going to Harry’s house he decided because that was the only salvation he had. He always was too eager to go over there and he frequently forgot his responsibilities when he did. Lying in his bed he decided that he wouldn’t go over there ever again. He would come home with the girls even if Jay was home incase anything like this was ever to happen again he’d be there and he’d be able to do something.

The sun finally started creeping up under the shades of his window. Louis looked at the clock over on his bed side table, it read seven am and Louis hoped the girls would sleep a bit longer still. Deciding that there was no way he’d be able to get any sleep he got up to go make breakfast. Quietly stepping down the stairs he made it to the kitchen. Jay was sitting at the table her head in her hands. She was still wearing her flower patterned scrubs and stethoscope. Her shoulders were hunched and she hadn’t noticed Louis come in.

Watching his mum carefully he saw the way her hands were laced into her hair as if she was struggling to find an answer for her thoughts. It made Louis heart sink, he could see the exhaustion in the way she was sitting. He knew he let her down, he could feel the ice cold guilt seep into his bones making him shiver. Louis knew what his mum did to keep them together and he wasn’t helping like he was supposed to.

Not sure what else to do he went over and slipped under and in between her arms. He nestled his head in her neck and wrapped his arms around her just like had Harry had done. Jay must have noticed him come in finally because she wasn’t surprised by his presence and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. Louis thought for sure his heart would break when he felt her shudder and breathe heavily into his hair. He felt the warm tears but heard no sounds.

Louis clutched his mother with everything he had because he needed to hold her together. He couldn’t let her break because of his faults. Jay stroked his hair and pulled him into her lap and he gladly obliged. He wiggled himself closer into his mother’s arms if that was even possible at that point. He let no tears escape because he had to be strong. He made a mistake and now he had to fix it. He held her till her shudders stopped and finally pulled back wiping her eyes dry. He slowly climbed out of her lap and walked over to the fridge to grab a glass of water for her.

“Do you want breakfast sweetie?” Jay started grabbing out pans and bowls from the cabinets still wiping her eyes on the back of her hands. Louis stood there for a minute not answering but started grabbing food out of the fridge knowing the girls would want French toast and pancakes. Something he couldn’t make for them. Another one of the ways he’s failed he thought to himself.

“Go get the girls ready for me? It’s Saturday, I called in sick. We can go to the park for a bit and relax?” Jay was shuffling around the kitchen grabbing ingredients and adding them to the mix in the bowl. Louis tried to smile back at her and he found he could manage a small quirk of his lips to please her.

“Alright, that sounds good mum,” he added quickly before heading back up the stairs to wake the girls up. Taking two stairs at a time he paused outside the door. Hesitance was holding keeping him standing there hand hovering over the door knob. What if Daisy was upset with him too? He had left them home alone, he knew that Lottie hadn’t told him Jay wasn’t coming home but still, he was supposed to be in charge of them.

“Louis, are they up yet?” he heard his mum call from the kitchen. He sighed,

“Getting them now,” he shouted before opening the door and flicking on the light. Surprisingly neither of them reacted to the light. Louis dropped down on the edge of Daisy’s bed which was closest to the door and started stroking hair out of her face.

“Daisy, Phoebe loves it’s time to wake up. Mum says we can go to the park today,” he said a bit louder for Phoebe to hear across the room. Daisy stirred and rolled over into Louis’ side. Her bandaged arm came out from under the covers and Louis shivered. Guilt sinking in his stomach like an anchor.

“How’s your arm love?” Louis asked watching her face carefully.

“It’s fine! It doesn’t even hurt! Do you think I’ll be able to play today?” Her big blue eyes looked hopeful and there wasn’t even a trace of sadness in them. Thank goodness. Louis felt a tiny bit of relief at that.

“Of course Dais, you just have to be careful,” Planting a kiss on her head he went over to help Phoebe who was up and struggling to grab a shirt from the top shelf in her closet.

“I promise I will be careful!” Daisy shouted and ran to her dresser to grab clothes. The fond smile crept back over Louis face his sisters were oblivious to every kind of emotion Louis tried desperately to hide from them. He wanted them to feel as though nothing was wrong since they came here to Holmes Chapel and apparently that was one thing he was doing okay at. He helped pull shirts over heads and searched for matching flower socks before the girls ran downstairs.

Louis knocked on Lottie and Fizzy’s door to get them up, the girls we not as easy to wake up as the twins anymore. Cracking the door open Louis peeked his head in and whispered,

“Breakfast girls, mum is cooking,” Louis reached a hand in to turn on the light before he let them get up on their own. Going back to his own room he sat on the edge of the bed for a minute. His eyes focused on the floor by his feet. He just needed to breathe but he felt as though he couldn’t. He heard his door open but didn’t bother looking to see who it was he was trying to get his now blurring eyes to come back into focus.

“Louis?” a quiet voice whispered. Louis still was trying to breathe. The weight on his chest was suffocating him. “Lou? Are you okay?” the voice asked again. He heard it but couldn’t anchor himself to it. Small hands pushed the fringe off his forehead and he cringed because he was having cold sweats. “LOUIS” the voice was more urgent this time squishing his cheeks pulling his face up to look him the eyes. His eyes were still blurry, his ears ringing and breathing was still difficult. He felt so much pain but felt so numb to everything at the same time. “Lou please” the voice pleaded and it sounded like Lottie. Shit. Lottie. Recognition snapped him back to reality. He sucked the air into his burning lungs and his eyes slowly cleared enough to see the frown and the way her eyebrows pinched in worry.

“Ye-Yeah, I’m okay. I’m okay, shh, I’m okay,” he told her finally being able to move his limbs. Her hands dropped from Louis’ face and he saw the tears starting to collect in her eyes. “No, no shhh, Lottie, it’s okay,” Louis cooed pulling her into his arms and stroking her hair. Lottie climbed up in Louis’ lap and curled into him. “Let’s go get some French toast love, it should be ready by now,” Lottie pulled back and wiped her eyes and nodded.

Climbing out of his lap Lottie hoped to the floor and Louis bent down arms out behind his back offering her a piggy back. He heard a small laugh and he smiled a bit as she climbed up on the bed to launch herself up onto his back. She clung to him her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and he gripped her legs so he wouldn’t drop her.

“I love you Lou,” Lottie whispered into his ear as they made their way into the kitchen where he lightly dropped her into her chair.

“I love you too Lots,” he kissed her head and started grabbing the finished food to dish out to all the girls that were now sitting patiently at the table.

Louis still felt a bit sick to his stomach as he glanced at Daisy’s arm now and again. He still shoved pieces of French toast into his mouth though to not worry Lottie any more than he already had. As they finished eating Louis helped his mum load the dishes while the girls got dressed in their play clothes. Jay would sneak longing glances at him and he could feel her worried eyes but he simply ignored them focusing on stacking clean plates and cups.

They finished quickly and soon enough Louis was sitting on a park bench down the road the girls running in circles around the slide chasing each other. If Daisy’s arm was hurting she didn’t show it. He sighed a felt his mum wrap her arms around him,

“Boo, you know it’s not your fault, these things happen,” Louis was surprised at his mum’s lack of anger towards him. Sure she had cried this morning but she had never been mad at him. She rubbed soothing circles with her thumbs on his arm and he leaned into her rest his head on her shoulder.

There was a light breeze blowing his fringe out of place and he just let it. Closing his eyes and breathing in he felt a tiny bit of ease. Nope. No. He wasn’t allowed to let his guard down. His mother was worried and he was going to show her that nothing was wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered eyes still closed. She squeezed his arm lightly and got up to please the girls who were all on swings asking to be pushed. Louis sighed and followed.  
______________________________________________________________

They stayed at the park for way longer than Jay had intended. The sun was setting by the time they got home and quickly started throwing sandwiches together for dinner. They girls were practically sleeping sitting up and Louis had to laugh. It was pretty cute. He helped tired girls quietly brush their teeth and change into their pjs before climbing into their bed too tired to even ask for a bedtime story. Louis crept out quickly made his way to the bathroom.

He desperately needed a long hot shower to try and ease his tense muscles. He let it run till it was scalding hot before getting in and standing with his head under the spray. It burned slightly but he felt himself relax. His skin was turning an angry red but he ignored it. He massaged shampoo slowly into his hair and pushed water off his face and slicked his hair back of his face. His hands were resting on top of his head and he just took a few breaths. The water had started to run cold and Louis finally got out not bothering with a towel. Instead he pulled on an oversized jumper and sweats. They clung uncomfortably to his damp skin but he was too numb to care.

Unsure of what to do with all of his restless energy he went back downstairs. The tv was playing on mute and his mum was sleeping on the couch. Louis grabbed her favorite blanket and put it over her. He knew she’d wake up soon and go to her bed. This was normal for her.

Louis felt like he couldn’t sit still and started cleaning aimlessly. He put clean dishes in the cabinet, dirty ones in the dishwasher. He swept the kitchen floor, wiped counters down, picked up toys, and started the laundry. He heard his mother get up and turn the tv off, he knew she hadn’t noticed he was still up otherwise she would have scolded him.  
The clock read one thirty am now and Louis still wasn’t exhausted enough to actually sleep, he also couldn’t find any more cleaning to do. He went up to his room afraid that his compulsive cleaning would wake everyone up. There were clothes scattered on his floor but his unopened school books told him he should probably start his homework. He grabbed his notebooks and text books at set them open on the bed.

Louis read and took notes and highlighted till he physically couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. The next morning he woke up with pen on his face and books on his chest with crumpled pages. Everything was different and still somehow the same he just felt numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going somewhere I promise !


	5. Broken Picture Frames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is really really appreciated! I'd like to know if I should keep writing this or scrap it. (: xx

Harry hadn’t seen Louis in weeks. He had been avoiding him at school and whenever he called his mum told him he was busy with homework. It hurt, Louis was his best friend and he was avoiding him. When Harry finally spotted Louis in the hallway later that week he ran after him down the hall. 

“Louis! Wait!” he finally caught up to him and he could see how tense Louis was. Louis still had his back turned to him and Harry’s heart sunk. 

“Lou?” 

Finally Louis turned to him and he could see the bags under his eyes. Harry had been so worried that something like this would happen. 

“What Harry?” he sounded just as tired as he looked. 

“Just wanted to see if you were alright, haven’t seen you all week,” Harry started to deflate. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve had a lot to do and I’ve had to take care of the girls all week,” It was a lie. Harry could tell by the way Louis was avoiding making eye contact with him. He may be young but he knew when someone was lying to him and it hurt.

“Alright, if you say so Louis,” fixing his backpack Louis looked at him one last time and started walking away.

“I’ll see you Harry,” he told him over his shoulder. Harry just stared at him as he walked away. He wasn’t sure what to do, maybe Louis just needed a bit of time. At least Zayn was always around. Speaking of, he was supposed to meet him outside on the bench to go home. His locker was close by so he stopped grabbed the rest of his books for the weekend and made his way outside. 

Zayn was laying out on the entire length of the bench his ankles crossed lazily. His eyes were closed and Harry was pretty sure he was asleep. The kid was a cat and could sleep literally anywhere. It was beyond him how he could do that but he always managed to do so. They had a sleepover once and he fell asleep on the back of the couch. It started out as a joke and then he actually slept there the whole time. He only woke up when Louis shoved him off the back. 

Harry smiled at the memory and shook Zayn’s shoulder to wake him up. Living up to his cat like ness he batted at Harrys hand and rolled over. 

“Zaynie” Harry whined because Zayn is impossible. His raven hair was a mess and Zayn had his arm thrown over his face to block out the sun. 

“Zayn, please. I wanna go home,” he gave him another nudge and finally Zayn’s amber eyes cracked open. 

“I’m up, I’m up” he told him slowly sitting up. He pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands and stretched. “M’ tired” he added standing up to walk home. 

***

Much to Harry’s displeasure he barely saw Louis at all. Even at school Louis found creative ways to avoid him and frankly it pissed Harry off. It had been a month.

An entire month since Harry and Louis had hung out and it felt so wrong. Harry missed his best friend and playing football with just Zayn wasn’t the same no matter how hard they tried. 

Zayn was upset too whether he was showing it or not. Louis wasn’t only ignoring Harry. Unlike Zayn’s quiet hurt Harry openly complained to his mum about it all the time. She kept telling him to give him some space and that he would come around but he could see the worry in her eyes. She suggested that if Harry really wanted to see him she would drive him over there later today. Harry thought it was worth a shot. 

***

Louis’ POV

 

He didn’t like fighting with Harry but he didn’t have a choice. He would have kept asking and Louis would have caved. It was always hard to say no to Harry especially when he could see the hurt clearly written on his face. His bottom lip would pout without him knowing and his eyebrows would pull together when he frowned. Louis missed his dimples when he smiled. 

Louis walked through the front door the girls following behind like ducklings and he held the door open waiting for them to trail inside. Only when he came inside did he hear voices talking. That was weird. He didn’t think his mum was supposed to be home until later tonight. Making sure to be in front of all the girls he walked into the kitchen.

He froze. His entire body shut down for a few seconds, his heart stopped beating and his breath was caught in his throat. Sitting at the dining room table was his dad, dark hair and dark eyes. Sitting at the end of the table helping himself to the last of the juice and Louis felt sour. Not to mention terrified. He wouldn’t let the girls walk past him as his dad finally looked up at him.

“Girls go upstairs in Lottie’s room and don’t come out till I come get you,” he put a huge emphasis on the ‘I’. Lottie looked at him carefully and grabbed the twin’s hands. They did as they were told thankfully Lottie got the hint and dragged them upstairs. 

It had been months since they’d seen their dad and his sudden reappearance was not something to be taken lightly. Louis took a few cautious steps into the room towards him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked tone full of hatred. His dad eyed him up and down unsure of where the attitude came from. Louis never stood up to him before. Never.

“I’m here to talk to your mum. I’m coming home,” he narrowed his eyes at Louis trying to intimidate him. It was working. Louis felt himself shrink back a bit his palms were sweating and he felt it prickle on the back of his neck.

There was a reason his mother had left. They fought as often as his dad drank, which happened to be every night. It was mostly verbal abuse at first. Yelling about chores not being done or not being done good enough, soon it turned into pushing and slaps across the back of the head. Louis always took the abuse and sent his sisters upstairs. His mum was never home to see this though. That’s why it took so long for her to leave him. 

One night Louis hadn’t loaded the dryer the night before and his dad had no clean clothes. He lost it. He was throwing dishes at Louis who still has a few scars from where he wasn’t fast enough to avoid them. The worst was when he started punching Louis senseless. 

Louis was sure he had blacked out at some point and he was terrified when he came too that his dad had found his sisters. He had never felt such intense fear in his life it ripped through him and made his blood run cold. To his relief his mum had come home and called the cops just as he was coming to. The girl’s safe upstairs and his dad being removed from the house by force. He was still shouting at Louis though. Telling him he was a worthless son and he couldn’t do anything. As Louis lay there the pain throbbing across his body he ingrained those words into his mind. He would try harder to prevent this from happening again. 

Yet here he was, trying to put on a brave front. He looked at his dad and told him,

“You can’t stay here. I will call the police.” Louis’ fists clenched at his sides and stood up taller.

“Oh, I can’t can I?” his dad questioned standing up to tower over Louis. How was this ever fair? Louis was twelve and he was trying to take on his six foot brick wall of a dad. The term shaking in his boots came to mind. Actually, it might have been helpful to be wearing some right about now. It would give a more painful edge to his kick if he needed it. 

“You always were a pain in my ass, when I come back I’m going to make sure we ship you off to some boarding school and it’ll just be me and your mother and sisters” he smirked and Louis felt the bile rise in his throat. He could do that. Louis hoped that his mother would never but the small voice in the back of his mind was telling him otherwise. He ruined their marriage, it was his fault that they were separated, his dad couldn’t stand him it wasn’t his mother or sisters fault. John was backing him up towards the wall and Louis had nowhere to go.

His father’s hands hit the wall loudly on either side of his head and he flinched. He was pinned in by his father’s massive arms and he tried to hide his fear. “You are a worthless,” BANG. He smashed his fist next to Louis’ head, “PIECE OF SHIT,” BANG, his smashed his fist closer to Louis’ head his voice getting louder with each word, “SON,” he was shouting in Louis’ face his hot breath harsh on Louis’ cheek. Louis had his eyes pinched closed breathing heavily through his nose. His heart was pounding and even though his chest was rising and falling his couldn’t feel the oxygen. He felt dizzy and his ears were ringing. 

“What could you ever do Lewis. You are a weak, pathetic, useless brat,” there was a vein pulsing on his forehead that looked like it was going to burst. His words hurt, they only confirmed what Louis had been trying so hard to fix. His dad was still screaming insults in his face, droplets of spit sprayed Louis’ face as he turned his head trying to hide as best he could. 

A fist gripped his hair pulling some of it out, it stung making his eyes water. His dad started dragging him by his hair and Louis cried out in pain. Thousands of needles felt like they were puncturing his skull. Louis couldn’t stop the tears now they were flowing freely. His dad threw him to the floor in the other room. He slid on the hardwood floor and just layed there knowing it was no use. 

Steel toed boots kicked him and he felt his ribs crack. The air flew out of his lungs and he curled in on himself. The pain was blinding and Louis thought he might throw up. He father was still yelling but he couldn’t hear a word. Louis tried to roll away and get away from the kicks that kept colliding with his stomach now. He managed to turn over a flat boot kick resonating up his spine momentarily leaving him unable to move. Louis knew his whimpers were loud enough that his dad could hear but he no longer cared. 

The kicks stopped while his father started throwing furniture and ripping pictures off the wall and smashing them. Louis managed to get up on all fours trying to crawl. Blood was dripping out of his mouth. He tried to pull himself up using the back of the couch. His entire body was protesting telling him to just quit but he had to keep his dad away from his sisters. 

He’d go for them next. This propelled Louis forward he stumbled through the hall trying to reach the back door knowing his dad would follow him. He wasn’t sure where he was bleeding from anymore there was too much to know, his hands were leaving smears of it on the walls. He’d only made it halfway before he slumped against the wall it being the only thing still holding him up. He was tripping over his feet trying to flee. 

Louis made it to the door and opened it before the footsteps could be heard behind him and Louis felt heart exploding terror. He was pulled back by his shirt his dad throwing him into the opposite wall holding him there. His head hit with a crack and he could barely see straight anymore. The first punch to the side of his face hurt but the fourth and fifth time Louis was sure this was it for him. He was going to die and his dad was going to get his sisters. His father hit him again and Louis collapsed. He was only upright because his dad had a painful grip on the collar of his shirt. 

His dad dragged him outside and tossed him onto the ground. When he hit the ground he felt relieved because the hits had ceased and the ringing had stopped. His dad slammed the door closed behind him when he left. It was just quiet now. Tears were mixing with the wounds and blood on his face and he could barely breathe because the pain coursing through his body was unbearable. It ached and was sharp and blinding pain all at once and he tried to ease oxygen into his lungs but was unsuccessful. He closed his eyes and felt the cold seep into his bones. He could faintly hear shouting again but he wasn’t sure what they were saying. 

“Louis? Louis where are you? LOUIS PLEASE!” he could hear frantic shouting now in the next room over but he couldn’t get his body to move. He couldn’t muster up enough breath to say anything so he just whimpered hoping whoever it was heard him. 

“LOUIS!” he could hear footsteps somewhere in the house probably searching for him. Please let them find the girls first he thought. Someone had to get the girls out of here. He lay still and let the tears continue to fall and prayed that someone found him.

Louis wasn’t sure how long he was laying there for. It felt like an eternity. 

A shrill scream of one of his sisters forced his eyes open he sat up too quickly and doubled over as the sharp pain in his side felt as though whatever was broken was trying to rip through his skin. His heart was pounding, terror. Sheer terror forced his body to move. 

Somehow he managed to use the wall to get himself in an upright position that couldn’t really be considered standing. He fumbled with the knob but managed to get inside and he used the wall to drag himself forward tripping a few times. He made it out of the hallway and he saw a familiar figure standing in the room in front of him.

“Ha-harry?” he choked out with the little breath he had. His curly haired best friend whipped around once he realized Louis was behind him. His eyes were wide with fear. 

Daisy was in clinging to him for dear life, arms wrapped around his neck and legs around his waist. Her head was buried in the crook of his neck and he could tell she was crying by the way her body shook.

Harry looked like he had seen a ghost, he hadn’t moved towards Louis. He stood frozen staring intensely at him. Harry’s eyes were rimmed red and he had tear tracks running down his face. Louis slumped into the wall a bit more, his adrenaline rush from before was fading and he wasn’t sure how he was still vertical. 

Harry’s mouth opened and closed like he was trying to process something. 

“Mum,” Harry half yelled but it was a bit breathless, “Jay!” he shouted a bit louder this time. “Jay!” He was yelling now.

Louis felt dizzy. His limbs felt like lead blocks pulling him towards the ground. He still wasn’t breathing and the momentary absence of pain he had was over and his entire body felt like it had been hit by a train. 

“Harry what is it? Is Daisy okay?” Jay and Anne ran into the room frantically looking for Harry. They saw that Harry wasn’t facing them and their eyes followed to where Louis stood.

Jay visibly crumpled, her legs gave out and she collapsed onto her knees. Her hands came to cover mouth in a praying motion and Louis could see the agony and relief etched on her face. 

“Louis?” she whispered shaking her head. Anne was reaching for Daisy from Harry’s arms. They all looked stunned and Louis wasn’t sure what had happened but it was apparent his dad was gone. 

“Louis” Harry choked out now the agony clear and sharp in the way he said his name. Louis felt guilty because his best friend was here after he ignored him for weeks. How did he get here? Louis was feeling fuzzy and nothing was making sense but the rapidly approaching Harry eased his panic and he felt whatever he had left keeping him upright seep out of his body. 

Louis slide down the wall and rested his head against it trying to keep his eyes open but failing. Pain was the main feeling in his body aside from pure exhaustion.

“Where is he?” he managed to ask his voice didn’t sound like him at all, it sounded raw. 

Warm hands stroked his cheeks and gripped his head, slender fingers sliding through his bloody and sweaty hair. 

“Louis, come on you have to stay awake for me,” Louis couldn’t find enough energy to open his eyes to find his favorite green ones so he whimpered because it really was the only noise he could muster. 

“He’s gone Louis, he’s gone. You’re okay, it’s gonna be okay. Just open your eyes,” Louis let Harry’s hands hold his head up now he was starting to feel numb the fuzzy haze he was in closing in on him. 

“Lou,” he could hear Harry pleading with him but there really wasn’t anything he could do so when Harry’s arms went to his waist he slumped into Harry’s chest. He let the warmth of Harry’s body ease the cold ache in his bones till his world went black.


	6. Cold Soup

Louis had woken up in the hospital a week later. Or at least he thought so based off of the date on the white board. The first thing he realized was that the sharp pain had dulled into a constant throbbing ache. He no longer felt like screaming but he surely couldn’t stop the whimper he made when he tried to adjust his body in his bed. 

The room was empty only the soft beep of his heartbeat could be heard. It must have been late evening because the sun had already set and Louis could see the illumination of the other rooms through his window. 

There was no moment of panic. No intense pain. No frantic screaming for his family or cries of joy when he woke up. He was completely alone. Tears rolled down his cheeks, his silent cries going unheard by anybody passing by. 

It felt as though a rubber band was constricting his heart. It squeezed and ached until Louis clutched his chest to make it stop. Warm tears soaked his neck and the edge of his hospital gown. His efforts to wipe them away diminished and he lay still staring at the ceiling. He felt disgusting, his hair was greasy and his gown stuck to his sweat drenched body. Slowly and carefully as he could Louis tried to ease himself up into a sitting position. A sharp stab of pain surprised him and he felt a whole new wave of tears gush out. He cried out a low, deep agony filled sob coming from deep within him. He sat up in the same position letting himself calm down as much as he could manage before he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His feet couldn’t reach the ground quiet yet. He eased himself closer his butt barely resting on the edge before he could finally plant his toes on the cold tile. 

He hissed in pain as he slide of the bed his feet solidly on the ground. With shaky limbs Louis pulled himself into the connected bathroom to assess the damage. 

The bathroom light was florescent and harsh on his eyes and it gave his usually tan skin a sickly look. Under his hollowed out eyes there were deep purple bags and dark black and purple bruising all over his face. He could see the edging of a few have started to fade into a peaky yellow-green color. He grimaced once he looked at the condition of the rest of his body. He had scattered bandages and a few stitches here and there. 

Louis slid down the wall his sobs getting louder. All he could see was his father’s angry eyes, the sound of his harsh voice ringing in his ears. Louis cried and cried until finally a nurse had come in to check on him found him an inconsolable sobbing mess. Louis tried to stop, he did but his aching body gave him a reason for the nurse to think he was upset. He took it. Other nurses came in and helped move him back to his bed, the readjusted his iv and used a small needle to inject him with something that spread warmth through his limbs and tingling numbness that finally put him back to sleep. 

***

When he woke up again he wasn’t alone anymore, his mum and sisters had been in and out of his room along with Harry, Zayn and Anne too. Louis slept most of the time and avoided the mirrors because he knew that the black and purple bruises and the angry red cuts that littered his body were a harsh reminder of what his father did.  
Father. He wasn’t really his father. Not after everything. No one would tell him what had happened either which bothered Louis more than anything. He had a right to know but everyone kept quiet. 

They had released him a few days after that with strict orders to be especially careful moving because of his four cracked ribs. To be honest Louis hardly noticed. He felt exceptionally numb all things considering. He mostly just slept and he’d lay there while people talked at him more than to him. When he got home not much change, his teachers sent his homework home with Harry and Harry helped him work through it. Which meant that Harry mostly did all of it. 

Louis felt as if everyone was walking on egg shells waiting for him to have the expected meltdown after something as traumatic as this but he remained quiet and contained. He didn’t want to burden anybody. His mum had cried over him endlessly and he could see the guilt and hurt in her eyes every time she looked at him. That pretty much sealed the deal on Louis staying numb and pushing all of his crushingly painful feelings into the back of his mind.

There was a check-up appointment scheduled for today to make sure his ribs were healing correctly. His mum had made him warm French toast with peanut butter and syrup for breakfast and he managed a small twitch of his lips for her. She seemed content with his effort and grabbed him a fresh sweatshirt fresh out of the dryer. It was cozy and he let it ease the bone deep ache that had persisted over the weeks. 

Jay had been fussy with him as he pulled on his shoes carefully and eased himself into the front seat. He continued to try and reassure her that he was fine but he could tell he was failing because her lips stayed turned down. 

The car ride to the hospital was quiet, the radio turned down to an almost muted volume. Louis was content to simply rest his forehead against the cool window and gaze at the passing buildings. 

His side was hurting after about ten minutes because the seatbelt was digging into his overly sensitive bruises. They parked and Louis made his way into the stale smelling waiting room. He sighed because he didn’t want to sit under the scrutiny of the doctors for a second time. His time in the hospital was plenty, full of questions he did not want to answer. Louis and his mum sat in the uncomfortable chairs for what felt like forever. 

“Louis Tomlinson?” A nurse with blue scrubs writing something on a clipboard announced, eyeing the room to find him. 

Louis stood up carefully with his mum and walked towards her. She saw them coming and smiled sweetly.

“You must be Louis. Right this way,” she smiled and turned to head through the double doors and down the hallway to the outpatient rooms. 

“This is you guys right here. Your doctor will be in here in just a few to check you out,” she opened the door and nodded for them to head inside. 

Louis sat on the chair in the corner of the room restless tugging on the fringe of his sweatshirt. His mom was flipping through the free magazines they had set out. Louis was just so tired. He wasn’t really feeling much more than exhaustion and he didn’t really care to either. Finally there was a knock on the door before it opened and an older lady with graying hair and soft blue eyes came in.

“Well hello Louis, you are looking much better this week!” she said cheerfully and Louis could only ‘hmmm’ in response. She started flipping through his charts her face schooled into a blank look as she read. 

“Alright, could you take off your shirt for me honey? I need to check and make sure the bruising and swelling is going down.” She sounded sincere but Louis was still incredibly unsure of everything. He didn’t want to take his warm shirt off.

Jay could probably read the distress on his face because she put a soft reassuring hand of his back and rubbed it soothingly. Louis sighed and pulled the shirt off over his head and he recoiled a bit when the cold air in the room hit his body. Goosebumps rose up all over and his teeth chattered a bit. 

The doctor had him climb up on the examining table before she gently started peeling off bandages. She poked and prodded his bruises and he tried his best not to wince at every touch. 

“Everything looks good Louis. These bruises are going to turn yellow and then fade and you’ll be good as new” Jay handed her his sweatshirt to give to him because now he was starting to shake. Grateful, he pulled it back on and tried to steal the little warmth it had left. 

“Now, there is one more thing I’d like to talk to you guys about.” She paused for a second glancing at Jay before she continued. “After certain traumatic instances such as this, we recommend that Louis should talk to a therapist or a counselor of some sort. It’s been shown that further conditions could develop if we don’t deal with this now,” she hurried out. Jay nodded, obviously it was the right thing to do. Louis though, Louis froze.

The tension in his muscles was so tight he thought that he might break. The last thing he wanted was to talk about much less talk about it with a stranger. 

“No.” 

“Louis I really think we should think about it—,” Jay started but Louis shook his head furiously.

“I’m fine. I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he added because no. He wasn’t going to do that. Jay sighed.

“We will talk about this later, thank you Dr. Patty,” they shook hands and Louis tried to hurry out of there as quick as he could. He just needed to go home. 

***

A couple days after his appointment Harry came over again. He came over most days after school and sat at Louis’ desk doing his homework and playing Ed Sheeran quietly over the radio. Louis either slept or listened to Harry chatter about what was going on at school. Louis was lying on his good side that didn’t have the cracked ribs, arm tucked under the pillow where his head had been for hours. He had focused on a tiny stain on the carpet and was wondering if it was soda or dirt not sure where it came from. 

“Lou? Did you hear me?” Harry was facing him and watching him carefully with questioning eyes. 

“Hmmm, sorry. What?” Louis glanced at Harry but then went back to staring at floor. Louis felt sick, his stomach had been churning all day and he had a layer of cold sweat covering his entire body making his t shirt stick to him uncomfortably. 

“You alright?” Harry said quietly. He got up and came to sit next to Louis on the edge of the bed. Louis just kept staring at the floor. What was he supposed to say? That he felt dead inside. That his father’s words are never going to stop repeating over and over in his head? That he couldn’t cry because once he started he didn’t think he would be able to stop? He really just wanted to keep laying here without anyone wanting him to talk about how he felt because he didn’t want to feel any of it. 

“Lou. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. I can’t know what you’re feeling if you don’t tell me,” he tried, putting a hand on Louis’ shoulder. Louis still said nothing. He had nothing he could say. So instead he painfully shifted in his bed and rolled to face away from Harry letting his hand drop from his shoulder. 

Harry said nothing. Louis felt the bed move as he got up and he could hear the quiet rustling of Harry packing up his things before he left. The door closed a bit louder than it normally would and Louis tried to block out the hurt look he knew Harry had in his eyes. He hated the way that Harry’s eyes would darken and his brow would furrow. His shoulders would hunch and Louis had always wanted to hug him when this happened. 

Right now Louis tried to ignore the intense ache in his chest by curling up deeper under his heavy blankets. 

Jay and his sisters had come in periodically throughout the evening to check on him. Lottie especially looked concerned, she brushed the fringe off his forehead and had grabbed him a warm rag to try and ease his cold sweats. His mum brought him soup but he couldn’t bring himself to touch it. 

It sat on his bedside table going cold long after she had brought it in. Fizzy had lain down in bed with him for a while pressed up against his back gently rubbing her hand up and down in a soothing motion but she didn’t say anything. Louis let the warmth of her small hands rubbing circles on his back soothe him into a sleepy state until his breathing evened out and he finally fell asleep. 

***

_“You piece of shit!” Louis could hear the anger in his father’s voice yelling from behind him. Louis was running as fast as his legs would go down the path behind his house._

_He couldn’t get his legs to move any faster. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest and he couldn’t get any oxygen to his lungs his chest tight with panic._

_Fear._

_Pure, unadulterated fear coursed through his body as his feet pounded on the pavement. The dark night was engulfing him and he was finding it hard to see a few feet in front of him.  
He could hear a pair of heavy footfalls getting closer and closer to him and Louis tried, he tried hard to run faster but he could make his legs move._

_“Louis!” he could hear the anger and hatred in his father’s voice and it sent a chill down his spine. He stumbled barely catching himself and he quickly pulled himself up to keep running._

_He didn’t know where to run to he just kept running._

_Ice cold dread coursed through his veins as he felt a large body come up behind him, his father’s fingertips grazing the fuzz on the back of his neck. Louis choked and propelled himself forward._

_Suddenly his foot caught on the pavement and he fell. It was in slow motion him falling he could fell his father catching up to his and he could almost fell the blow before it stru—_

Louis shot up in bed he was screaming silently no air actually making it to his lungs his side was protesting his sudden movement. Tears were freely flowing down his face and he felt sobs and shutters rip through his entire being. He gripped the sweaty sheets his knuckles going white. Louis was trembling violently he thought he was going to be sick. His clothes stuck to his entire body due to him being drenched in sweat. A chill came over him and he tried to ease the painfully tight constriction of his heart.

Sobs continued to come from deep within. All of his pent us hurt and sadness was crushing him. 

Harry. 

His entire being just needed the comfort of his best friend. 

With shaky legs and weak arms Louis pushed off the sheets and climbed out of bed. He was only dressed in shorts and a t shirt but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His ribs were protesting his every move but he continued forward using the wall as a crutch. Louis didn’t even bother with shoes he didn’t think he could bend over to put them on. 

Quietly he opened the door just enough to slide through. It was chilly outside. There was a layer of fresh rain that coated the earth, the clouds dark and heavy with unfallen drops. The staggered lamp posts lining the streets helped guide Louis to Harry’s through his dizzy haze of sleep and trembling limbs. 

It was cold enough for Louis to see his harsh breathe in front of him each time he struggled to breathe. Louis could feel his tears fall warmly down his cold cheeks. He clutched his side and ignored his freezing bare feet as best he could. It was usually a short walk but it felt like an eternity before Louis made it. He hadn’t thought this through very well. Surely Anne would wake up to a knock or the doorbell. 

Defeat made Louis faint determination dissipate. He went around the back of the house to rest up against his favorite tree next to the house. It has a nook that Louis’ body fit in perfectly. 

Louis feet were covered in mud and his entire body felt heavy and bone cold. He leaned up against the tree and the once comfortable spot felt rough and painful as the bark dug into his sensitive skin. He tilted his head back and looked up his eyes following the long branches that extended to the sky. Louis noticed that one of the thick branches went really close to Harry’s room’s window.

The worst idea Louis has ever had spurred to life in his head. They used to climb this tree all the time. The low hanging branches made it easy to climb like a ladder. Louis stood up and eyed up the tree. There was a patio chair that Louis knew he could use to reach the lowest branch without having to put too much work into getting up. He spotted it a drug the light chair over underneath the tree.

Raising both arms above his head brought a nice bout of pain but he tried to breathe through it. The skin around his chest felt tight from his sedentary lifestyle recently. The chair helped him get high enough that he hand to barely pull himself up to be seated on the lowest branch. Louis was breathing pretty heavy, his weak state he had been in for weeks was certainly not doing him any good at the moment. 

Climbing the next couple branches with extremely difficulty Louis had made it to the branch next to Harry’s window with only a few new scratches. Louis looked inside the window. He could barely make out a lump in the bed and he really hoped Harry would hear him. 

Louis reached out to lightly rap his knuckles on the window. There was no movement coming from inside the room so Louis knocked again a bit louder this time. Louis clutched the branch and waited. He knocked once more and finally he could see a rustle coming from the bed. 

Louis’ heart was beating erratically. He was nervous that Harry was still upset with him from earlier. The thought scared him and he felt the tears start falling again. 

Harry’s frantic eyes met his through the window while Harry struggled to unlock and open the window.

“Louis what the hell are you doing?!” he hissed reaching his hands out trying to grab onto him. Louis whimpered because Harry was mad. He was still mad and Louis was scared to lose Harry. He scooted close enough for Harry to grip his t-shirt.

“God Lou, how did you get up here? Forget it, come inside,” he gripped Louis hips and tried to ease him closer to pull him through the window, “be careful,” he added the tension on his face was evident that Louis had messed up. He shouldn’t have been so weak he had to come crawling to Harry. 

Once Harry had a good grip Louis lunged forward and jumped the gap into the window. His leg caught on the edge causing him to fall into Harry and knocking them both over. Louis cried out in pain Harry had landed on his butt but now had his arms wrapped tightly around Louis. They were both breathing heavily and Harry nuzzled his head onto the top of Louis’. 

“You’re so stupid. You idiot why would you do that,” he clawed at Louis’ back and Louis cried even harder. He was drenching Harry shirt but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He was clutching so tightly at Harry at he knew he was leaving bruises in the shape of his small fingers. 

Louis was whimpering and trembling and sobbing loudly. He really hoped that Anne didn’t hear any of the commotion they were making. Everything he had been holding in was coming up to the surface. Every single emotion he had been ignoring for so long was ripping through him with no mercy. Harry was trying to hold him together and Louis loved him for that. 

“Shhh, Louis it’s okay,” he cooed over and over stroking Louis’ back and brushing the fringe off his forehead. Louis realized how dirty and wet and sweaty he was and he immediately felt horrible for clinging to Harry. Louis pulled back out of embarrassment and scrubbed furiously at his eyes trying to get the flood gates to close. 

It didn’t work.

Louis couldn’t stop crying and he kept choking on his frantic breathes. Harry grabbed his hand and started to try and pull him up. Louis whimpered and clutched at his side. It was in searing pain again after his climb. 

“Lou, I’m sorry,” Harry was just trying to ease Louis desperate cries and Louis knew that he was scaring Harry. He was scaring himself. Finally he was able to stand and Harry gently tugged him down the hall towards the bathroom. He sat Louis down on the edge of the tub and turned on the water to let it warm up. 

Harry didn’t say anything he just kept working while Louis sat there. Closing the curtain he helped Louis up and into the warm heat of the shower. Harry stood in the shower in front of his friend making sure he didn’t fall over. Together they stood fully clothed under the hot water letting it ease their fear and sadness. The steam billowed around them and Harry held 

Louis up his hands gently gripping his hips. Louis shuddered but his cries quieted down, the warm water bringing on a wave of exhaustion. Harry grabbed the shampoo and gingerly scrubbed all the dirt and grime from Louis scalp and Louis whimpered but for once it wasn’t in pain. 

He let hair wash his hair and when he turned off the water grab them both towels. Harry wrapped the towel tightly around Louis’ shoulders and intertwined their fingers before making their way back to his room dripping all over the carpet, their clothes heavy and wet. 

“We should probably change huh?” Harry laughed lightly. He started rummaging through drawer grabbing out his warmest sweaters and sweats for them to change into. Louis stood there dripping puddles on the floor and started to shiver from the cool air. His cries had calmed down to silent tears, slowly trailing down his pink cheeks. 

He tenderly peeled his clothes off his aching body and pulled on the oversized sweater that smelled like Harry. Louis snuggled into his warm and dry clothes while Harry ran downstairs to put their wet clothes in the dryer. 

When Harry came back upstairs and ushered Louis into the bed he pulled back the duvet and had to maneuver Louis to lay down because apparently his limbs weren’t moving on their own anymore. At first Louis stayed a few inches away from Harry, he could feel his warmth radiating off of him. Louis wanted nothing more than to curl up into him and feel the weight of his arms anchor him to here and now. He wanted to be wrapped up in Harry’s arms so badly it hurt. 

Apparently Harry could sense his discontent because he touched Louis’ hip lightly urging him to roll on his side. Louis complied and Harrys arms came around him and pulled him flush against his chest. Louis could feel his hot breath on his ear and his curls tangled up with his wet fringe. His arms were holding him tight and he could feel where Harry’s hands spanned his back and when they fisted into his shirt Louis started crying again. He trembled and Harry let him, he held him tight and soaked up all of Louis’ fears, his pain, his hurt and every other emotion he couldn’t hold in any longer. 

They didn’t fall asleep right away in the tiny twin bed wrapped up in each other. Harry held on to Louis like he was losing him and Louis clung to Harry like a life line he so desperately needed until finally his exhaustion was too much and he started drifting off to sleep in the warmth of Harry’s being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some comments to let me know what you think so far! Please and thank you !


	7. French Muffin Surprise Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note: This is six years in the future, Louis is seventeen and Harry is Sixteen!

_Six years later_

Louis felt a heavy weight crushing him in his bed making it hard to breathe. His chest couldn’t quiet expand enough to get a full breathe and he tried shifting eyes still closed and confused. 

His struggling though only seemed to make it worse because the heavy arm wrapped around his waist tightened and he was being pulled snug to a warm body.

“Harrrrryy” he whined because he really couldn’t breathe with his friend practically on top of him. Louis’ eyes were still closed and his face buried in the pillow as he struggled. 

“Get off, you’re too heavy I can’t breathe,” he started wiggling but Harry’s grip tightened. Louis could hear muffled words whispered into the pillow next to him but he couldn’t make out any of it.

“Harry I don’t know what you’re saying,” he managed to get Harry to release him letting him roll onto his back. The cold air hit his chest and stretched out his stiff arms. His freedom didn’t last long because Harry was scooting towards eyes closed, arms blindly searching for him to latch on to. 

“Quit that weirdo, you already smothered me to death once this morning,” Louis was shoving him away but the fondness in his voice gave him away. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and nuzzled his head into Louis’ neck and sighed. Harry was warm and Louis kind of didn’t mind. Maybe. 

“Time is it?” he mumbled his hot breathe sticking to Louis neck. Louis grabbed his cellphone off the side table and sighed, they had about three minutes till their alarm goes off.

“Time to get up actually,” Louis gripped Harry in a squeeze before shaking off the extra limbs that covered him. He climbed out of bed and pulled on a fresh shirt and before going to shower. 

Harry was notorious for repeating, ‘five more minutes’ for a half hour before even moving to get up. Louis learned to just leave him and get ready before even bothering with trying to drag him out of bed. 

The girls weren’t up yet, they were all still sound asleep in their beds. Louis liked to get up before them for more reasons than simply having some peace and quiet to get ready. He also didn’t want them knowing that Harry slept over, more nights than he slept at his own house. When he did Louis was there with him. 

They started sneaking into each other’s room and sleeping together when they were kids. Louis never would admit it but he didn’t sleep well without Harry next to him. It was a terrible habit he couldn’t get rid of. 

Harry didn’t seem too keen on kicking the habit anytime soon either. They pretended that it wasn’t a big deal and kept doing what they were doing, they had a routine worked out. 

Louis had climbed into the hot shower and let it warm him up. He stood under the spray for a bit too long and when he climbed out it was time to wake the girls up. Thankfully Harry was already awake he could hear him downstairs in the kitchen. God knows they’d be eating toast if Louis was making breakfast. Harry had turned into a gourmet chef apparently over the years. He would surprise the girls with homemade chocolate croissants or strawberry stuffed Swedish pancakes with whipped cream on top. Harry would walk around with the whip cream can and put little dollops on their noses and they’d giggle incessantly trying to lick it off with their little tongues not quiet able to reach it. 

The girls adored Harry and they were putty in his hands whenever he asked them to do anything. They even cleaned up their toys when Harry promised to let them put bows in his curls. They’d squeal in delight and Louis wouldn’t have to spend hours putting away tiaras and plastic heels. It was a win-win in Louis’ mind. It was hysterical to watch Harry sit patiently on the floor not even listening to them just mindlessly watching television while the girls tugged and pulled at his locks. They did this when they were younger and Harry has never once complained. It amazed Louis. 

When Louis woke the girls up and let them know Harry was making breakfast they scrambled out of bed and quickly pulled on their assorted pieced of pink, blue and yellow clothing. Lottie usually would make sure they matched before everyone left for school now-a-days because it was beyond Louis what matched and what didn’t when it came to pre-teen fashion. 

Louis left the girls to get ready and went to check on Harry who had gotten dressed and was now flipping ham and cheese omelets in the pan humming to himself. Louis smiled because it was small things like this that kept Louis sane. Not having to worry about feeding the girls actual food eased his worry a tiny bit. 

Their master calendar that Louis had crafted when he started his job at Sun Roast Coffee House was hanging up on the fridge. His mothers work schedule scribbled on their along with his football schedule and every activity the girls were in as well. It was all color coordinated and written out neatly but it was a mess anyways. Louis groaned because there was an overlap tonight, he started at three and his mother wouldn’t be home until six at the earliest. Dread was quickly taking over he didn’t want to leave the girls alone even if Lottie was here. 

Harry had come to retrieve the orange juice from the fridge and saw Louis starring at the calendar deep in thought. Louis tried to quirk his lips to let him know everything was okay but nothing ever really got past Harry. 

“I can come over for a bit if you’d like?” Harry took a look at the schedule and went back to breakfast pouring glasses of orange juice. “I can do some homework here until Jay gets home,” he told Louis like it was no big deal. It was because he shouldn’t have to do that but he did all the time anyways. No matter how many times Louis told him he didn’t have to, that never stopped him. Louis just sighed because there was no point arguing. 

“Alright, thanks Harry,” he gave him a quick hug from behind while he finished the last omelet for himself. Harry shrugged and they all ate together quickly. Running low on time everyone was scrambling to get all their stuff together. 

Louis had a car and a driver’s license now making it their morning commute to three different schools easier. They raced around and the girls scrambled out running to greet their friends who were waiting for them and by the time Louis got to school he already felt tired. 

They pulled into a spot in front of the school and Louis rested his head against the steering wheel for a moment trying to collect himself. Harry sat patiently in the seat next to him. Louis did this quiet a bit apparently. He felt Harry’s hand rest on his thigh and give him a reassuring squeeze before he climbed out. Louis took a deep breath and got out of the car making their way into school together. 

People generally expected them to come together, they had walked together and then they started driving together as well. No one knew about them sleeping at each other’s houses though, that was their secret that they barely talked about themselves. Louis being older though meant that they had no classes together. Zayn was leaning up against his locker scrolling through his phone when they finally made it through the crowded hallway.

“Hey Zaynie,” Louis cooed at him and poked his friends pouting face.

“You guys are always late and I sit here waiting for you two idiots every morning,” he complained but there was no intent to actually be mad at them for it, Zayn knew about Louis home life better than everyone except maybe Harry. Things had changed a bit after the whole incident with his ‘dad’ for a lack of something else to call that man. 

They never talked about it but there was always the unspoken rule that they would always be there for each other at the drop of a hat no questions asked. It was reassuring for Louis to know that he had these two to rely on. 

A pair of slim, clammy hands slid over his eyes followed by a, ‘guess who?’ Louis smiled and grabbed the hands off his face. He turned around to face his girlfriend Eleanor. Her brown hair was in waves around her shoulders and she wore a short sun dress despite the obvious chill outside. 

“Hey El,” he pecked her on the cheek and he could feel Harry turning to leave but he paid no attention to it. 

They had been dating for a few months now. They had gotten together in the midst of summer nights after lots of alcohol and warm bonfires. Harry from the start had been displeased by their relationship, Louis figured it was because he hung out with El more than Harry now a days but Harry usually slept in his bed which seemed to make up for it some. 

“Wanna hangout tonight?” she smiled and fluttered her eye lashes at him. Louis felt his smile fall.

“I’ve got practice then I work at three and then I need to go home to get the girls,” Louis felt guilty because he could see the annoyed pout forming on Eleanor’s face. She constantly was mad at him but there wasn’t much Louis could really do. He had to work and his sisters came first. 

“I’m sorry. This weekend?” he gave her a quick kiss before the bell rang. She smiled but less enthusiastic this time. They went their separate ways to class and Louis drug himself to his classroom before falling into an open desk next to Zayn. 

“Why do we have to take American History again? Pretty sure we live in Europe, everything they say in here is irrelevant,” Louis huffed and folded his arms across the desk to rest his head comfortably getting ready for his morning nap. 

“Beats me mate,” Zayn shrugged and put his head down, Louis might joke about not caring but he really did try in school. He wasn’t naturally smart which made it hard but he tried. 

The teacher came in and started writing a bunch of random due dates on the board for upcoming assignments,  
“Just a reminder, the trip for the history classes is still scheduled for two weeks from now and I still need a few permission slips. We will be going camping to experience what life was like for the Native Americans and Colonists in the beginning. Be prepared to dress warm.” She told them before she actually started teaching and Louis tuned her out. 

Anyone is any of the American history classes were going meaning that Harry would be going too. Oh, and Eleanor. Most of the kids took this trip as a chance to go camping with each other and secretly get drunk by the bonfire after the teachers go to sleep in their special cabins a ways a way. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur as always and Louis made his way out to the field for practice. He was a senior and he had somehow been made captain. As honored as he was he felt horribly guilty half the time because he was running out of practice early to go to work or to pick up his sisters and he felt as if he was letting his team mates down. To try and keep some order he made Zayn his co-captain and he seamlessly took over whenever Louis had to leave. Everyone loved Zayn anyways because of how easy going he was making it easy to follow his lead. 

Today coach Cowell had them currently running wind sprints and Louis felt like his lungs might burst after the fifteenth set. He considered himself in great shape but times like this really tested him and he got a secret pleasure from the burn. It made him proud that he was pushing himself that much further. The others didn’t enjoy it as much though. They were all bent over hands on their knees struggling to catch their breath. Their collective prayers were answered when Simon told them to hit the showers. 

There were groans and complaining throughout the locker room as they all sat down and slowly made their way to the shower. Louis checked the time and he realized he only had twenty minutes to shower and get to work. He wrapped a towel around his waist and made quick work of washing away the dirt and sweat. Louis was hurrying out of the locker room and he heard Harry say he’d see him water, but Louis didn’t have time to stop to reply. Half-dressed he ran to his car and pulled on his shirt that clung to his still damp chest. It was uncomfortable but he was already running late. 

Louis was a few minutes late but everyone generally expected that of him. He grabbed and apron and shoved a banana in his mouth and made his way from the back room to the counter where Stan and Lou his manager where making drinks. The line was pretty short it was only a couple people long. He finished chewing his banana and started making drink orders. They were an unorthodox coffee shop compared to Starbucks. They didn’t have the plain vanilla coffees. They had French Toast Roast and Cupcake coffee to name a few. The sugary drinks were bound to give everyone who drinks the froo froo drinks on a regular basis diabetes but they were hard to resist. 

Drizzling caramel over the top of the caramel cake coffee drink he handed to a middle age woman dressed in business wear and she just looked tired. She smiled kindly and continued on her way outside. 

“Hey Stan,” patting him on the back he started grabbing out the jugs of milk to make himself a coffee. Lou was finished with her last customer and turned to Louis.

“You’re late honey,” she told him but she was laughing. She owned the store and really didn’t care when it came to Louis as long as he showed up in one piece. She was a mother with a one year old daughter and understands the work it takes. She had vast amounts of sympathy for Louis taking care of his four sisters pretty much alone most days. Speaking of one year olds, Tom walked in with Lux her cheery eyes blonde daughter who squirmed in his arms once he saw Louis. 

“Hey baby girl,” he cooed and reached over the counter to take her out of Tom’s arms. She came willingly and started patting his face a cheeky smile on her face. What little hair she had was pulled into a ponytail that stuck up straight on top of her head and Louis smiled, warmth spreading through his chest. 

"How's everything Louis?" Tom was always exceptionally pleasant and kind, the same as Lou.

"It's great, got a footie match Friday. Cowell was a menace today during practice I think we ran wind sprints for the entire time" he let Lux play with his fringe and when she gripped it too hard he winced a bit but gently removed her hands. Lux giggled and gripped Louis finger before putting it in her mouth. Louis simply laughed and let it happen. When the girls were little they used to do the same thing.

"Owwww Lux!" he fake bellowed out a hurt yelp and pouted. Lux frowned not getting that he was faking it and planted a wet kiss on his finger.

"Thanks Princess," Louis kissed her check and let her stand on the counter. She teetered back to Tom who scooped her up and placed a kiss on Lou’s cheek and walked into the back office to grab his usual paper work. He tended to sit by the fireplace and work while Lux played with her toys on the floor. It allowed Lou and Tom to get some work done while also getting to see each other. It was a nice deal and Louis was envious. He missed his mum, he rarely saw her and when he did it was in passing. 

She worked evenings and nights and didn’t come home until after Louis and the girls left in the morning and it really was hard on him sometimes. If it wasn’t for Harry, Louis thinks he would have broken a long time ago. He loved his sisters but he was still only seventeen. The stress of keeping up a family was causing him to slowly crack, they were spreading and getting deeper as the years went on and Louis didn’t know how much more he could take. His mum was trying her best to take care of them financially but Louis had to step up and get a job when they stopped being able to pay for their bills. 

It was slow in the shop and Stan had headed out. Lou was sitting with Lux and going over paper work with Tom leaving Louis to wipe down counters and clean up dishes. 

After he finished he pulled out his homework seeing as this was the only time he had to do it. He sipped his specialty coffee he loved. He called it the ‘French Muffin Surprise’ and only made it for his favorite customers, aka an old lady named Shelia who came in every Sunday and always tipped him twenty bucks. He’d blush and thank her fervently. She told him that he reminded her of her grandson who lives in the states that she never got to see. Shelia came in here whenever she missed him and Louis would give her a hug and set her down next to the fireplace with a warm cup of coffee for the afternoon. 

Louis tried to finish as much as his homework as possible, only having to stop a few times to make a few coffees. Closing came faster than he could have hoped and when he locked up at nine after Lou left he sighed in relief, relief that he was done but he was dead on his feet. Hopefully his mum would have the girls in bed already so Louis could just crash when he got home. 

He got in his car and drove home, the lamps illuminating his way down the street. Pulling into the driveway slowly he sat in his car for a few moments. He clutched the steering wheel with white knuckles. Louis was truly bone deep exhausted. It would be easy to drive off and never come back. He knew he could never leave his sisters and he felt horribly guilty for even thinking about it. 

Louis trudged inside and it was quiet. His hopes were that the girls were sleeping already and when Louis followed the quiet noise of the television he found something that made his heart skip a beat. Louis sucked in a breath quickly and bit his lip.

Harry was on the floor covered in blankets and pillows Daisy and Phoebe were curled up into his sides and Lottie was on the couch with Fizzy. Louis’ heart swelled and he thought it might burst. Tangled was playing quietly on the screen the little green iguana changing colors with the different foods he eats. Louis truly wanted to cry. 

He picked up Fizzy off the couch and brought her up to her room and tucked her in. Louis noticed that his mum’s door was ajar and when he peaked inside he say his mother sleeping soundly her body rising and falling with her even breaths. Louis started crying.

Harry had stayed and let his mum sleep. Why. Why does he do this? Harry was too good for Louis. He didn’t deserve his help. Louis couldn’t even keep it together and somehow Harry picked up the pieces he didn’t even know he was missing. He went back downstairs and gently brushed hair off of Harry’s forehead to wake him up.

“Harry, wake up. I need to get the girls to bed,” Louis kept brushing Harry’s hair and rubbed his thumb gently in circles on his hairline. Harry stirred and cracked his eyes open at Louis with a small smile. Yepp. Louis wanted to die. His heart felt like it was going to explode from a mix of gratitude and pure love for the boy in front of him, the boy who kept him together for this long.

Harry just nodded in acknowledgement and eased the girls off him to get up. Louis went to pick one of them up but Harry Scooped them both up in his arms. The girls resting one in each arm their faces nestled into Harry’s shoulder and Louis heart broke. Louis tried to brush away the few stray tears and he scooped up Lottie bridal style, she was too big for Louis to carry her like the other girls. Lottie wrapped her arms around Louis’ neck and let herself be carried to bed. Louis tucked her in and planted a firm kiss in her hair before heading back to his own room.

Sitting on the edge of the bed Harry rubbed at his eyes. It wasn’t late but he had been sleeping on the floor. Louis waited about .0003 seconds before launching himself into Harry’s lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. Harry didn’t hesitate to put his arms around Louis waist and pull him closer. Most people would think this was weird but for them it was comforting and familiar. 

“I don’t know what I would do without Harry,” he whispered into Harry’s hair. Louis finally let go after he calmed himself down and they went through their night routines and climbed into bed. 

“Lou?” Harry pulled Louis’ bare back flush against his bare chest and Louis felt the warmth soothe him. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you, yeah? You know that right?” Louis shuddered because he did. Harry was his best friend and had always been there for him.

“I don’t want to lose you Lou,” he sounded off but Louis didn’t know why he was worried. Louis was more freaked out that he’d lose Harry, not the other way around. 

“You’re crazy, you could never lose me Harry,” he tried to sound and stern and convincing as possible. It was true. Louis would never be the one to leave. He’d had enough people walk away in his life to know to never let go of anyone he cared about. 

“One day at a time Lou. I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me,” he whispered into Louis’ neck and squeezed him tighter to him.

What Harry didn’t know was that Louis was awake all night. He didn’t let himself relax enough for his breath to even out. Silent tears ran down his face soaking his pillow and he hoped that Harry couldn’t feel his shaking limbs. The cracks felt deeper than they ever had and Louis was sure he was breaking to pieces even wrapped up in the arms of his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are helpful for feedback if you like the story let me know! (:


	8. FIFA day

The whistle blew loudly as Louis tumbled to the ground the momentum from running and the push from the defender laying him out flat. Louis once he stopped rolling he just stayed there, spread eagle on the ground covered in mud and grass. His legs ached and he was breathing heavily his jersey plastered to his chest while droplets of rain hit his exposed skin. This had been a rough game so far, the opposing team was being more aggressive than football generally required. Greg had been taken out after being elbowed in the face resulting in a bloody nose. Despite the fact that they were up now by two goals, Louis felt like they were being run down in an attempt to wear them out. A familiar hand was thrust into his face and Louis grabbed it and let himself be pulled up. He came face to face with Harry whose hair was matted to his forehead with rain and sweat but he had on a smile because Louis had just scored. His dimples were deep, his eyes shining and Louis couldn’t help the smile that had spread across his own face. Harry patted his back and they ran back to their positions. There was five minutes left on the clock and all they had to do now was defend their goal. 

Louis took a few deep breaths, resting his hands on his knees. He looked up to where Zayn was in goal, ready for anything that came his way. The dark skinned boy stood out against the white jersey he supported despite the large mud stain that stretched from his socks to the side of his face from when he dove to block a shot. Zayn clapped his gloved hands together a few times letting us know he was ready to go, they had come a long way from playing footie in Harry’s backyard as kids. Zayn made eye contact with Louis and smiled giving him a head nod. The whistle blew loud and long letting them know that game was resuming and Louis took off running full speed towards the ball. 

A tall guy with blonde hair in the opposing teams green jersey had the ball and was trying to make his was towards the goal. Louis forced his legs to move faster and soon he caught up to him on the other side of the field. He tried stealing the ball and felt a few kicks collide with his shin. He saw the clock read one minute left and that made Louis try and work faster. The guy dribbled around him and Louis only had to spin and reach his leg out to twist the ball out from under his foot stealing it to himself. 

Louis took off with the ball towards the opposite goal, kicking it and swiftly dodging all of the defenders. His heart felt like it might pound out of his chest from exertion but that didn’t matter, he was close enough to the goal he thought that he could make the shot so Louis lined himself up and kicked it as hard as he could towards the top corner. The goalie jumped not anticipating it to go into that corner and missed the ball letting it hitting the net. The final whistle blew and it wasn’t a game winning goal but it had felt good to stick it to the other team. Louis turned around and found Harry and the rest of his team running towards him. Harry had his arms open and Louis could only open his own and let it happen.

He was being lifted into the air and Louis just wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist as they spun and then fell over. Hitting the ground awkwardly the rest of the team dog piled on top of them. They became a heap of sweaty, wet and smelly bodies tangled together. Harrys head was nestled into the crook of Louis’ shoulder and he could feel the lad laughing loudly. Louis had a rare moment of happiness, he felt warm and calm. His thoughts weren’t racing and he felt like the constant knot that seemed to be in his stomach had eased temporarily. They stayed like that wrapped around each other until finally the people began peeling themselves off one another. Louis finally separated himself from Harry and rolled over to get up off of the wet grass. He finally caught his breath as the team made their way to meet their coach at the center line. They knelt down to listen to him talk.

“Tomlinson! Good goals, keep it up in the next few games and we could win this season,” he started, “The rest of you, good game, they tried to run us till we were tired but WE DO NOT GET TIRED DO WE LADS?” He shouted and clapped his hands, the whole team replied with a loud,

“HOO-RAAA,” the deep voices echoed across the field. 

“Hit the showers,” he said with a smile and turned to grab his stuff. Louis got up to grab his bag and saw Zayn finally. He flung his arm around his shoulder as he hitched his bag up and they walked to the locker room.

“Looks like you’ve got an admirer,” Louis said and pointed to the stands where Perrie stood next to Eleanor and waved excitedly. Zayn’s eyes scrunched together and he made a face but quickly smiled and waved back to the petite blonde.

“She’s just tagging along with your girlfriend mate,” he said shoving off Louis’ arm and laughed, “Eleanor always has to have someone to listen to her piss and moan about life,” he added and chuckled running away a bit because he knew it pissed Louis off when he insulted his girlfriend. 

“Mate, she’s not always that bad,” Louis said jogging to catch up with him, “only like half the time,” he added and laughed because he knew Eleanor was pretty difficult to be around sometimes. Speaking of which he figured he’d have to go hangout with her instead of Harry and Zayn tonight he thought as he made his way inside the steamy locker room. There was chatter and banter going on between all the lads and Louis loved the atmosphere after a game, he felt light and energized. He opened his locker and stripped down naked before draping a towel around his waist. He needed a nice long hot shower after being in the chilly rain. His bones were beginning to feel achy and he didn’t want to get sick. The locker behind him opened and something landed on his head. He pulled the soft material covering his eyes off and saw it was an oversized jumper he knew to be Harry’s. Louis chuckled and turned around and Harry was only in a towel. 

“You’ll need it you twat, I know you didn’t bring a jumper or anything,” Harry told him and turned back around pulling a shirt over his head. Louis just laughed because this was exactly like when he first met Harry. Always worrying about Louis since the moment he met him. Louis shoved it into his locker and closed it about to leave to go to the shower when Harry grabbed his wrist,

“Are you coming over tonight or are you going to hang out with Eleanor?” he asked with a sour look on his face. Louis sighed because he knew Harry and Eleanor didn’t get along very well. It made things difficult when he had to choose between his best friend and his girlfriend. He would much rather be with Harry but it wasn’t worth the fight with Eleanor it would cause. 

“I’ve got to go with Eleanor tonight,” Louis said and Harry let go looking deflated, “what about tomorrow thought? You me and Zayn can play FIFA all day?” Louis asked hopeful that would be enough to keep Harry from being mad at him, even though he doesn’t think Harry has ever been truly mad at him. 

“Yeah, yeah alright,” Harry smiled and turned back to getting dressed and Louis felt relieved. He hated disappointing Harry. Louis ended up staying in the hot steam and water until his fingers pruned and he was pretty sure he was the last one but he didn’t care. He got dressed slowly, he struggled to put on his tight red trousers with wet legs and pulled on Harry’s gray jumper over his head. His white toms were going to get dirty and he was bummed but he had three other pairs so he didn’t pay too much attention to it. He slung his bag over his shoulder and went outside where Eleanor was waiting for him. 

“Took you long enough,” she snapped and Louis sighed. He grabbed her hand and she smiled, “Sorry, I just missed you, let’s go home yeah?” she said and led Louis to his car. Louis liked Eleanor a lot, they had been dating for six months now. They met when they had chemistry together and the rest kind of just happened. She was pretty, with her wavy brown hair and brown eyes. Louis knew that other guys were always after her and he kept that in mind whenever he got annoyed with her. She had chosen him and that made him happy. 

It was dark now as they made their way into Louis’ house. The twins were surely already in bed meaning it would at least be quite. Jay was working the night shift and he knew Lottie had been watching them while Louis was at his game. He wished she didn’t have to but he couldn’t give up football, it was really all he had left for himself. He made himself and Eleanor a cup of tea and they watched a bit of the telly sitting in silence. 

Eleanor spoke up during a particularly boring commercial. “You and Harry have been spending an awful lot of time together lately,” she said it more of a fact than a question. Louis wasn’t sure why she was saying it either, he knew that she got upset sometimes when he didn’t hang out with her enough but he was trying to work on that. 

“I suppose yeah, me, Harry and Zayn always hangout together,” Louis told her but it sounded more like a question. He had shifted so that he was looking at her and she had a smirk on her face which was confusing to him. 

“I wasn’t asking about Zayn,” she said. That was it. She didn’t even elaborate and Louis really didn’t know what to say. He just looked at her and then turned back to watch the game awkwardly. 

Finally Eleanor must have decided it was late enough and left giving Louis a chaste kiss before heading out the door. Louis now felt exhausted, his legs ached as he went upstairs and collapsed into his bed. He pulled the duvet over his head and set his alarm to wake him to make the girls breakfast in the morning if you could consider toast and eggs a solid breakfast. He drifted off eventually feeling weird that Harry wasn't sleeping next to him. 

***  
Harry felt tired as he made his way out of the locker room. His hair was still wet, but it was clean against his forehead and he always felt ready for sleep after a long shower. He was one of the first ones to leave. He had to get home to drive his mum to work before Zayn came over. He visibly tensed when he saw Eleanor waiting outside for Louis. She hated Harry and whenever Louis wasn’t around she made that very, painfully clear to him. She spotted him with a smirk and waited for him to walk closer to her. Harry couldn’t avoid her there was no other way out to the parking lot. He hitched his bag up over his shoulder and forced himself to put one foot in front of the other. 

“Hello, Harry” she spat at him. “So nice of you to jump all over my boyfriend again today,” Harry sighed because he was not in the mood for this.  
“Is that a problem Eleanor?” he asked calmly trying not to get annoyed.

“It is. You don’t think I see how you look at him?” 

“I’m not sure I get what you mean,” Harry tried he was confused at what she was implying. 

“I think you know exactly what I’m implying Styles. Sebastian loves to remind you,” her eyes narrowed at him and she smirked. Harry knew what she was talking about. Sebastian was a douche and loved to annoy Harry about his hair and tight jeans. 

“Sebastian’s a prick,” Harry told her with as much conviction as he could muster in the moment he was starting to feel a twinge of anxiety.

“I know you’re in love with Louis,” she blurted out loudly. 

Harry froze. He felt the blood rush to his head making him feel dizzy. Harry looked at her, no one knew, he barely knew himself. His feelings betrayed him and she saw the panic in his eyes and she smiled. Of course she did. Harry pulled himself together giving her a blank stare back his heart pounding painfully loud in his ears. He was clutching his bag over his shoulder tightly hoping the pain of his nails in his palm would clear his head.

“Oh Harry darling, he is way out of your league. Who would like a gangly weirdo like you anyways?” she told him her eyes dark with anger. Harry flinched because her words hurt. He was quiet and skinny and awkward and his best friends were Louis and Zayn and he didn’t really have any more than that. They were a year older as it was not leaving him many options his own age. Harry just let her keep talking about how worthless he was before she finally finished with,

“Goodnight Harry, don’t worry I won’t tell Louis because I know he’ll think you’re disgusting and I don’t want him to be mad.” She smiled and gave him a wave as Harry hurriedly left almost running to his car. The tears had pricked his eyes halfway through her speech and now they were falling openly. He scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hands trying to make them stop. 

Disgusting. 

He loved Louis. As more than a best friend? He wasn’t sure but he has known for a while that it was a bit different than how he loved Zayn. He also hasn’t wanted to admit it to himself because he was scared. He had feelings for Louis from the first time he met that broken boy in the bathroom even if he had no idea what they meant for a long time. He knew Louis was straight and frankly he would rather keep quiet than loose Louis as his best friend. The fear that bubbled in his stomach was making him feel queasy and dizzy. His hands were shaking and he tried to start the car so he could get the hell out of there. Fear was squeezing at his heart making it hard to focus on the road ahead but somehow he managed to make it home safely. Anne greeted him at the doorway in her scrubs ready for her awake night at the nursing home.

“Harry, are you ready dear,” she asked him sliding on her shoes. Harry didn’t respond, he was still trying to compose himself. “Harry?” she tried again. He could only look up at her and he knew she could tell something was wrong.

“I’m ready,” he spoke quickly. He didn’t want to answer any questions right now. 

“Alright, let’s get going then,” she held the door open and waited for him to go first before locked the door. They drove ten minutes across town to the nursing home pulling in right before her shift started. “I’ll walk home tomorrow morning, you don’t need to wake up to come get me,” she kissed his forehead and grabbed her purse.

“Are you sure? I can get up and come get you,” Harry asked because he didn’t really like the thought of his mom walking home alone even if it was in the morning. “I don’t mind.”

“You look like you could use a break,” she said sweetly and patted his hand on the stick shift. She climbed out of the car and Harry let the tears fall as he drove home. He had gotten a text from Zayn saying he’d be over soon and Harry wasn’t sure what to do.

When Zayn had finally let himself in the front door later that night Harry was still staring at the ground like he had been for the past twenty minutes. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Eleanor’s words wouldn’t stop playing on repeat in his head and he felt sick again each time. He looked at Zayn and knew he could see the fear and pain that he was feeling so when Zayn sat on the sofa next to him and hugged him tightly without saying a word he accepted it. The tears came out in a rush and soon a sob escaped from deep in his chest. Zayn simply keep hushing him and rubbing his back trying to get him to breathe and catch his breath. 

“Shhh, Harry, it’s alright, okay? It’s alright, whatever it is,” Zayn cooed and ran his hands through Harry’s hair. Harry finally felt his eyes dry up and the sobs stopped. Zayn had grabbed his hand and drug him upstairs and tucked him under his duvet. Harry thought for a second Zayn would leave but Zayn crawled in next to him and ruffled Harry’s hair before curling up to go to sleep next to him his warmth acting as a form of comfort Harry so desperately needed.

Harry woke up the next morning to crusty eyes and dried tear streaks on his face. Zayn was still next to him curled up in a ball breathing softly. Harry had never been so thankful that he had met him. He knew that Zayn had never been one for words he preferred to express himself through actions. Harry was afraid though, afraid that the boy would leave him alone once he found out. 

He decided to try and slowly crawl out from under the covers and Zayn only slightly stirred then went back to sleep. Relieved Harry made his way to the bathroom and stripped off his jumper and sweats that he was still wearing from yesterday. The steam from the shower combined with the hot water running down his back helped him relax and forget Eleanor’s harsh words from yesterday. He let his mind go blank and when he found himself sliding down the shower wall and on to the floor was when he knew he was in too deep now. He rested his head on his knees arms wrapped around them. The water was starting to cool down but Harry’s muscles didn’t want to move. There was a knock on the door and Harry finally pulled himself up and shut off the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door to find Zayn smiling softly at him his hair sticking up all over the place. He was holding a cup of fresh coffee and if Harry had ever even been remotely interested in anyone but Louis he would have kissed him right there. He grabbed the mug and let it warm his hands as he followed Zayn back down the hallway to his room. 

Setting the mug down so he could tug on some boxers and sweats quickly he found a shirt and pulled it over his head before sitting across of Zayn on the bed. The dark haired boy only looked at him waiting for Harry to get comfortable coffee mug back in between his hands. He sipped on it a bit and sighed, he knew this was coming. 

“Do you want to tell me what last night was about?” Zayn finally asked sick of waiting for Harry to say something. Harry shrugged because he wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to tell Zayn right now. He finally decided on omitting the fact that he could possibly be gay and that he was in love with Louis. 

“It’s just…Eleanor….she said something to me the other day and it just struck close to home I guess,” Harry choked out. Zayn raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What did she say exactly?” he asked crossing his arms. He looked slightly angry and Harry was afraid he was mad at him. He fidgeted and finally worked up enough courage to say something.

Then he chickened out,

“It doesn’t really matter what she said so much it’s that fact that she hates me,” Harry told him and felt his body sag from all the built up tension that had be released from his body. “She is always mean to me whenever Louis isn’t there and as stupid as it sounds it sucks,” he added. Zayn’s eyebrows had now scrunched together and Harry felt guilty. He didn’t want Zayn to worry or say anything to Louis, “Please, please, don’t say anything, I’d rather just put this in the past.”

Zayn looked at him for a few moments and sighed, “alright fine, I won’t say anything this time, but if anything, and I mean anything happens again you tell me alright?” he told Harry sternly and Harry nodded. He knew he wouldn’t tell Zayn again thought, he didn’t want to worry him. 

“Louis is coming over later today, down to play FIFA?” he asked Zayn and he smiled. Zayn got up and started towards the door.

“Let’s eat some breakfast first yeah?” he said chuckling and making his way downstairs towards the kitchen. Harry had texted Louis to come over while Zayn made them eggs, bacon and toast. It smelled heavenly and Harry hadn’t realized how exhausting last night had been and just how hungry it had made him. They ate till they were stuffed and then started play FIFA on the couch waiting for Louis to arrive.

The boy was always late for everything so when eleven thirty rolled around and he still wasn’t there yet they didn’t think twice about it. Finally they heard the door swing open without so much as a knock signaling that Louis was there. 

“Right on time,” Zayn muttered and Harry just chuckled. Louis threw himself over the back of the couch and wedged himself right in between Harry and Zayn successfully knocking the controller out of Harry’s hands resulting in Harry losing the match.

“Lewis” Harry huffed pretending to be mad but in reality he was leaning into the boy enjoying being pushed up close to him. 

“It’s not my fault you’re dreadful at FIFA Harry,” and Harry laughed at that and nudged him.They grabbed another controller and started a new game of two against one, Louis being on his own team because apparently, ‘he’s way too good to need any help’. Harry the entire game couldn’t help but glance at his best friend. He tried to push those fond feelings down and focus on the game but all he could see was the feathery fringe sticking up in all directions on Louis’ head. Harry couldn’t help but want to run his hands through it but he fought the urge and instead busied himself with the controller pressing buttons trying to help Zayn score a goal. 

Of course Louis won and was throwing himself a victory party. 

“Winner gets a sandwich, Harold, you lost so you make them,” Louis demanded. Harry only obliged because he was feeling hungry himself and went to the kitchen to see what he could throw together. He tried not to think about what Eleanor had said to him and when he did it made him shudder. Trying to imagine telling either of the lads was to terrifying to even consider. He wasn’t even sure if it was that exactly. 

Louis had been the center of Harry’s world since they met six years ago. The fact that Harry was a year younger than Louis and Zayn only added to the anxiety he felt over losing his best friends and Eleanor’s words started to feel more real. He had no friends his age, once Louis and Zayn left for Uni next fall Harry would be completely alone. His heart clenched in his chest and he felt the loneliness he often felt run cold through his veins. 

Happy thoughts, he tried telling himself. Louis was here now and not with Eleanor, that was something he was happy about. Harry grabbed a bag of crisps after he made three turkey sandwiches and went back to the living room where Zayn and Louis lounged with the telly on. They ate in silence and zoned out and enjoyed the quiet. They often found themselves like this, nothing left to say and just enjoying being around each other.

Harry knew that Louis enjoyed the quiet salvation of Harry’s house because he was always watching and taking care of his four sisters who were quite the handful. Harry should know, he’d help babysit them almost as if he was part of the family. There was one time where they had cut some of his curls off and he thought his mum was going to go into a depression. The shrill ring of a cell phone broke their silence. The obnoxious ring tone was of course Louis’ and he walked into the next room to answer a smile on his face. Harry could hear the faint muttering of Eleanor’s name and he tensed. It felt like all the air had been sucked from the room but Harry tried to appear calm in front of Zayn but he couldn’t seem to get any air in his lungs. Surely she wouldn’t tell him over the phone while he was here would she? He stayed tensed in his position on the couch not moving. He only sighed when he heard Louis hang up and make his way back to the room throwing himself now on top of both Harry and Zayn instead of in between them. Zayn let out and audible ‘oommf’ as Louis dropped dead on top of them. 

Relief flooded through him and Louis snuggled up next to him and Zayn gave him a sideways glance. Louis never mentioned anything though they continued to play FIFA for hours until Zayn had to leave.

“See you later lads,” Zayn said but not before giving Harry a worried look. Harry could only nod to let him know everything was okay. It wasn’t really but he didn’t want Zayn to worry more than he knew he already way. It was just him and Louis left and he was happy. He missed hanging out just the two of them as much as he loved Zayn. Louis set the controller down and turned and leaned his back onto the arm rest of the couch sticking his socks in Harry’s face. 

“Louis! Quit that you twat!” he yelled pushing Louis’ feet out of his face. When they came back for a second attack he got up from and grabbed Louis’ slender ankle to pull him closer to him. Louis struggled though and Harry fell over on top of Louis. Their bodies were pressed together tightly and their faces inches apart. Louis was smiling up at him the corners of his eyes crinkling and Harry momentarily lost his ability to breath or move for that matter. His heart was beating rapidly and he hoped that Louis couldn’t feel it too. 

Just as the moment happened, it was gone. Louis shoved both hands on Harry’s face smooshing his nose and eyes,

“Get off me you giant!” he yelled loudly in a mocking tone. Harry’s body was finally working again. He rolled off the couch and stayed on the floor until Louis peeked over the edge to see why he hadn’t moved. In response to this Harry flung his arm over his eyes to hide. 

“Harry?” Louis asked quietly.

“Hmm?” was all Harry could manage as a reply. 

“I’m going to miss you when I go to uni,” he said quietly. Harry stayed still and waited to see if he would say more. He listened to Louis softly breathing on the couch above. The ache in his chest was back and stronger than ever. Harry didn’t think Louis knew just how much he’d miss him. 

Or even in what way.

After Louis and Zayn left he wasn’t sure what would happen to him, Harry felt as though he couldn’t get to uni fast enough. School was his personal nightmare without Louis and Zayn. At least Eleanor would be gone too he thought. 

“I’ve got to go back to the girls, my mums got work in a bit,” he mumbled sitting up slowly. He gathered his stuff and went to the door to put on his shoes. 

"Did you want me to come over?" Harry felt weirdly distant from Louis despite his confession. 

"No. That's okay, we should probably stop that anyways right?" Louis wasn't looking him in the eye. Harry felt like someone had stabbed his heart and was twisting the knife. Hot tears pricked the corner of his eyes but he held them back. He wouldn't let Louis see him cry. 

Louis gave Harry a smile smile and ducked out the door. After Harry closed the door behind him he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He went limp and slide down the door pulling his knees to his chest and letting silent tears run down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? (:


	9. 'Curly Baby'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geeking because over 1k have read this! Never thought that would happen! 
> 
> This chapter is long almost 5K! Things are starting to get exciting (:

Marimba was playing over and over again letting him know that it was five thirty am and unfortunately time to wake up. Louis was tired, he was always tired but today he felt exhausted. He turned off the shrill alarm and slipped on a pair of shorts and a thick sweatshirt before going downstairs to start breakfast for the girls. Popping in a few pieces of toast and boiling water was his morning autopilot. He’d been doing this for years ever since they’d moved and he’s surprised they’ve survived this long. There were used mugs and plates in the sink and the trash was a little too full but he couldn’t muster the energy to do anything about it yet.

It was Sunday and for normal people they get to sleep in but not Louis. He usually got up at the crack of dawn, made breakfast for his sisters and went to work by six. His mum’s job covered most of the bills but they felt how tight their budget was when it came to food and other small things. Louis had gotten this job to try and ease the pressure on her. He was able to somewhat stock the fridge and occasionally splurge and buy the girls an ice cream cone. He would be lying if he said he enjoyed it though. He worked ridiculous hours and way too many of them. Some days he would work three hours before school and then close down the shop after when he didn’t have football. It was exhausting but he knew he had no choice. Lottie was old enough to watch the girls on those days and he always was home on time to take them to school. 

He put all the food out on a plate and threw some plastic wrap over the top to keep it fresh until the girls got up in an hour. Louis breathed in and out for a minute trying to compose himself. He was always exhausted. Throwing on his favorite skinnies and work shirt Louis grabbed his backpack hoping to get in some reading for his literature class before the morning rush came in. Louis grabbed a jacket and gloves even though the walk was relatively short. He hurried to the door of the coffee shop unlocking it quickly and slipping inside. 

The first thing he did was put all the chairs down and start brewing multiple pots of coffee and turning on registers and lights. Once all his opening duties were done he grabbed out his book and set it open next to the register. People trickled in and out but it wasn’t too busy because it wasn’t a work day. Louis was able to read through all the required chapters and he felt relieved because that was one less thing he had to remember to do. Around eleven am though the coffee shop got a bit more packed. People were stopping by after church and he had to slide his book under the counter. 

Sheila came in wide smile on her wrinkled face. Freckles still covered her cheeks and her crow’s feet crinkled when she smiled. Her white hair was styled up fancy to go along with her favorite gray church dress that she bragged about. She wasn’t much taller than Lottie which always made Louis chuckle. He started making her usual ‘French muffin surprise’ coffee and added a little whip cream to the top. Louis grabbed one of Lou’s famous biscotti’s and had it ready with the coffee before she even made to the counter. All on the house of course. 

“There’s my favorite boy,” she leaned over the counter and Louis met her halfway so she could kiss him on the cheek leaving a smear of red lipstick behind. She clutched her purse close to her and pulled out money to pay him. 

“On the house Sheila,” he smiled and picked up the plate to bring it to her usual spot for her. She followed close behind and sat down in her favorite chair. 

“Oh sweetheart you are too kind. Sit down and update me!” She sipped her warm coffee and sat patiently waiting for Louis to start. He was still standing glancing around to make sure no one was coming in and that everyone was taken care of before sitting down in the chair she was patting next to her. Louis sunk into the chair his aching legs thanking him.

“Things are good. Fizzy has a spelling bee coming up. Daisy and Phoebe have a dance recital next month too. Things are crazy.” Louis was smiling talking about his sisters. They were always surprising him with how great they were. 

“Lou, sweetheart, how are you? You look tired,” she was frowning and Louis sighed. He had to work on some things, particularly hiding how tired he was. Too many people were noticing. The more people noticed the more people knew the more he had to acknowledge whatever was actually going on with him. 

“I’m great.” He lied. “I’m taking Eleanor out this week somewhere nice maybe. I think she might be irritated with me right now though,” Sheila got a bitter look on her face like she had licked a lemon.

“You’re still seeing that girl?” she asked sounding displeased. 

“Yeah?” Louis frowned. 

“Hmmm. I don’t like her. She doesn’t take care of you,” Louis laughed because that was absurd. Eleanor taking care of anyone but herself. 

“You think? Got anybody else in mind then for me?” he chuckled again because Sheila was always pestering him about Eleanor. 

“Haven’t seen Harry in a while, how is my curly baby?” Louis actually laughed out loud and had to cup a hand over his mouth. ‘Curly baby?’ he’d have to tell Harry about that one later. Harry had frequently came and sat with Sheila for hours while she slowly sipped at her coffee. Harry’s a charmer and Sheila adored him much like Louis’ sisters. 

“I don’t know why you’re laughing sweet cheeks that boy is something special,” Sheila smiled her sly smirk and took a sip of her coffee. 

“Alright, alright Sheila, I think that’s quite enough from you. Don’t let Harry hear you his curls might grow from all the flattery,” Louis stood up and brushed off his apron. Sheila stuck her hand out and Louis took it and gave her a kiss on the top of her hand before going back behind the counter. 

Louis smiled as he handed out finished cups of coffee to customers during the rest of his shift but he felt the familiar ache in his bones. The pure exhaustion was setting in when finally at twelve his Stan came in to relieve him. Stan was a nice fellow, always on time which Louis could kiss him for. They always chatted while Louis counted down the drawers for the shift switch. 

“Doing alright mate?” Stan asked him looking at Louis a bit more closely. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright, just tired, six am is early!” Louis laughed and started unlocking the cash register. Stan swatted his hand away though before he could open it. 

“I’ll do it, just go get some sleep alright,” he smiled a knowing smile at Louis. Louis thought he’d kiss Stan twice this morning. He was so thankful. He pulled off his apron and hung it up in the back room. He grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket and saw that he had a message from Lottie,

_Mum is home early, she said you’re free for the day xxx_

Louis let a sigh go, he knew if he went home the girls would want to play with him. He thought about going to the library to do homework but he decided against it. He pulled on his gloves and walked the familiar route to Harry’s house.

He knew Harry would still be asleep. That kid could sleep all day if you let him. The walk was only a few minutes from the coffee shop it was only a little farther from his house. When they were kids Louis used to walk or ride his bike this route multiple times a day. The one time Louis tried to go a different way he got completely lost and his mum had to come find him. He chuckled because he was sure he was going to be lost forever and have to be homeless. 

Louis rounded the corner and walked straight through the back gate of the little red house. Harry’s window was on the second floor but it didn’t seem so high up now that he wasn’t a kid. He didn’t want to bother Anne or ring the doorbell incase Harry really wasn’t awake yet. Gripping the lowest branch he hoisted himself up and climbed till he made it to the limb that went to Harry’s room. He slipped his fingers in the crack to see if it was unlocked and it slid open easily. He wasn’t surprised Harry hadn’t locked his window since the first time Louis snuck in this way when he was twelve. 

After everything with Louis’ dad Harry had never even considered locking the window, he told Louis he wanted it to always be open for him. Louis tried to be as quiet as possible when he crawled through the window trying his best not to crash onto the floor below him.  
He landed loudly despite his efforts and he looked to see if Harry heard him. The curly mop was the only thing Louis could see sticking out of the duvet and Louis chuckled. He slipped off his shoes and work clothes until he was stripped down to his boxers. Louis pulled up the duvet trying to slide under the covers unnoticed. Harry was lying on his side facing Louis one arm tucked under the pillow and the other laying limply across his stomach. Louis noticed that Harry was getting taller but looking at his sleeping face he could see the little baby fat that still makes his cheeks puffy and his lips pout. Louis tucked and rolled grabbing Harry’s arm lightly and wrapping it around his own waist as he cuddled back into the warmth of Harry’s bare chest. He felt Harry stir behind him gripping his hip and pulling him closer till they were fitted together perfectly. 

“Lou?” Harry mumbled his voice thick from sleep. Harry nuzzled his face in Louis’ hair and placed a light kiss on the back of his neck. “Time is it?” he asked quietly. 

“Past noon, my mum got home early, I need sleep so shhh,” Louis whispered already drifting off to the comfortable feeling he always got when he cuddled with Harry. Harry was placing more light kisses on the back of Louis’ neck. Harry let his hand splay out across Louis’ stomach and sighed in content behind him. Louis closed his eyes and let the warm feeling take him. 

***

The warm feeling was gone when Louis woke up the bed was cold and Harry wasn’t next to him. He whined and curled up tighter in the duvet. The bed dipped next to him and he felt large arms scoop him up still wrapped in the duvet. 

“Morning Lou,” Harry said squeezing him before getting up to go back to what he was working on at his desk. “It’s around four in the afternoon in case you were wondering,” Harry added tapping his pen. Louis stretched out and threw back the covers. He went over to Harry’s dresser and grabbed his favorite jumper and pulled it over his head. 

“You could have woken me when you got up,” Louis flopped back down on the bed and curled into the duvet pile. It smelled like fresh linens and Harry.

“Lou, you looked too tired. You still look tired,” Harry was still scribbling in his notebook as he spoke. When he turned in his chair and Louis could see the concern in his eyes. Louis hated when he looked at him like that. Louis detested it when people worried over him. 

He wasn’t worth the worry.

Louis would much rather the attention goes to his sisters or his mother for that matter. He could take care of himself. 

“I got up early Harry, that’s all. I don’t know why you worry so much,” Louis fake chuckled and hoped that it came off more sincere. He rolled over and pushed himself off the bed.

"Sheila came in today and was asking about you, called you her 'curly baby'," Louis laughed and Harry blushed a bit on his plump cheeks.

"I haven't seen her in awhile, I'll have to come see her sometime soon. Wouldn't want to disappoint my lady," Harry waggled his eyebrows and his dimples showed deep in cheeks. 

“I should get home. Mums probably wondering where I am,” Louis picked up his work clothes and shoes and started towards the door.

“She knows you’re here, where else would you be?” Harry chuckled and Louis knew it was true. Except now-a-days he spent a lot of time at Eleanor’s. 

Speaking of Eleanor his phone was ringing her name flashing across the front. He walked back and sat down on Harry’s bed to answer.

“Hey babe,” he cooed and he glanced at Harry who had tensed in his chair but kept working. 

_“Hey babe, where are you? I’m out with Taylor and I wanted you to come meet us for dinner,”_ Louis could hear the slight annoyance in her tone but that was almost always there when she was talking with him. He ignored it.

“Absolutely where are you guys at?” Louis was still tired and he truly just wanted to curl up in Harry’s bed or go home. Anything but having to drag himself out with Eleanor and Taylor would do just fine. 

Harry was still perched quietly in his chair. Flipping through pages and scribbling things down in his notebook. Louis could see how his shoulder muscles worked under his thin t-shirt when he moved around. Small curls touched the nape of his neck and Louis wanted to run his hands through them. They looked soft and probably smelled like the lavender soap Gemma left behind during her break from uni. Louis watched the way his jaw worked. He saw the slight tint of pink to his cheeks that still had a bit of baby fat surrounding his deep dimples when he smiled. It was adorable and Louis could hear all the girls swooning every time he smiled he—

 _“Louis? Are you even listening to me? I told you to come to Annie’s Parlor for dinner. God what are you even doing?”_ Louis snapped back to reality from Eleanor’s harsh tone. He glanced at Harry and got up off the bed.

“Yepp, I’ll meet you there love,” he told her and walked up behind Harry to ruffle his hair. His curls were soft. Harry tensed and tried to move away. Louis just ducked down and planted a light kiss on his head before leaving.

“I’ll be there in twenty,” he told her as he closed Harry’s door behind him and walked out the front door like he lived there. 

Louis walked the quick way home and hoped in his car not even bothering to stop inside. He was already running late to meet the Eleanor. Louis drove quickly and when he pulled into the Annie’s parking lot he could see Taylor and Eleanor waiting impatiently by the door to the stairs. 

“Hey sorry I’m late,” he hurried over and pecked Eleanor on the cheek before opening the door for them. 

“Where were you?” She asked climbing the stairs ahead of him. They got the host stand and they led them to a table. Louis sat down across from them and watch them click at their phones with their fake nails. He cleared his throat. 

“Harry’s” he rushed out. 

“I don’t know why you hang out with him. He’s weird,” Louis felt his fierce protective nature take over. Harry was by far the best person he knows. He was better than practically everyone and school and he didn’t deserve Taylor’s ridicule.

“He’s my best friend. Always has been, always will be. Sorry,” Louis practically snapped at her. He tried to rein in his anger. He wasn’t angry often. He gripped the menu tightly and scanned it even though his appetite was gone. 

“Right, sorry I guess,” Taylor muttered giving Eleanor a strange sideways glance that he couldn’t figure out. 

They ordered and Eleanor chatted with Taylor mostly gossiping about other girls they know. They included in the conversation a few times but he mainly picked at his food and texted Zayn. 

“Louis, quit texting Harry,” Eleanor nagged him after they had paid and were getting ready to leave. Louis head snapped up quickly. 

“I’m not even texting Harry not that it’s any of your business if I am,” Louis had to keep himself from yelling. Eleanor’s weird obsession with his relationship with Harry was getting on Louis’ nerves. Taylor just walked away and got in Eleanor’s car to wait for them to be done talking. 

“Excuse me? It _is_ my business because you are _my_ boyfriend. Not _his_ ,” Louis froze. What was that supposed to mean? He just gapped at Eleanor unsure of what the hell to say to that. Harry was his best friend. That was it. 

“I’m not sure what you mean by that but I’m going to just assume you’re jealous of how much time I spend with him and not with you. That’s why you’re mad right? Am I not paying enough attention to you Eleanor?” Louis finally managed reply and he could feel the sarcasm dripping from his words. 

“He’s clingy Lou. You're always with him and he doesn’t like me, not to mention he’s always mean to me when you aren't around. It makes me feel like you’re taking his side and not mine,” Eleanor started tearing up and Louis instantly felt bad. He pulled her into a hug and just held her. Harry being mean though? He'd have to ask Harry about it but either way Louis had to apologize. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry. I’ll work on it yeah?” He cooed and it felt like he was comforting Daisy after he’d accidently knocked her over rough housing. Eleanor sniffed into his shoulder and he rubbed her back. Finally he let go and she wiped her eyes gingerly as to not smudge her makeup.

“Call me later?” 

“Of course,” he pressed a quick kiss to her lips and walked her to her car. Taylor was glaring at him from the passenger side window. Annoyed and feeling a weird sense of dread in his stomach he went back to his own car to drive home.

Louis parked in his spot in the driveway as the sun was starting to go down. He opened the door expecting to be tackled by girls but it was quiet. That was weird. Quiet usually meant bad. Shit. Where were the girls? Louis slipped of his shoes and checked the living room. The tv was off but toys were scattered across the floor. He ran upstairs and opened Lottie’s room. No girls. Louis was starting to get nervous. His heart was beating too fast and he felt clammy. Louis was half running around the house opening doors his sweaty hands slipping on the knobs. Louis went into the kitchen and no sign of them. He had checked everywhere.

Something was _wrong._

Something had to be wrong. 

They _left_ him. 

Louis had done something wrong. 

Louis was hyperventilating. His chest felt tight and he felt clammy all over his hands slipping together against each other. Louis ran a hand through his hair and gripped it tightly trying to ground himself. His stomach was churning and he was starting to feel dizzy. He was pacing trying to think where they would be but he couldn’t form a coherent thought. He gripped the counter with his hand that wasn't buried in his hair. 

Ice was running through Louis veins. Intense fear was unraveling him and Louis didn’t know what to do. Black dots were spotting his eyes and Louis clawed at his chest. His throat felt like it was closing up and his lungs burned. That deep routed ache in his chest was now painfully throbbing from effort. Louis body was shutting down. It shut down and he fell back into the nearest wall back thudding against the cabinet doors. He slid down to the floor his knees pulled up to his chest. Louis clutched both hands in his hair tugging painfully hard, desperately trying to not pass out. His entire body was trembling. 

Louis ears were ringing loudly causing him to miss the sound of the front door opening. He didn’t hear his mum calling his name until her was right in front of him grabbing his face. He could see her lips moving but he couldn’t hear anything. It felt like he was underwater. 

Lottie was standing behind her, panic clear on her face. She had her phone out and it looked like she was frantically yelling. Louis gripped his hair tighter trying to get any oxygen into his burning lungs. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks and Jay was frantically wiping them away. 

Tears were in his mother’s eyes and Louis felt his chest squeeze even tighter. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t keep everything together. Everything his father had said was right. Louis squeezed his eyes shut and tried to steady his heart and breath. Warm hands touched his and he flinched away harsh pants heaving from his chest. The warm hands slid into his hair rubbing his head gently until they carefully slid underneath his hands and unleashed his death grip. Louis finally opened his eyes and vibrant green ones met his. Wild curls framed Harry’s concerned look but his eyes remained calm and warm. 

A loud sob escaped his chest and Louis gulped air. Harry held Louis’ hands by the side of Louis’ head knuckles brushing his temples and rested his forehead against Louis'. Louis thinks Harry was telling him something but the wooshing of his ears had yet to cease. Harry gripped Louis’ hands and stroked his thumbs over his wrists giving Louis something solid to focus on. 

Louis whimpered finally getting enough oxygen to make a sound but not quite being able to talk yet. Louis was just crying now, loud sobs wracking his thin frame. Harry let go of his hands and Louis let out an agonizing sob closing his eyes again. 

“Lou” Louis could hear Harry’s slow drawl of his name whispering in his ear. Harry had nudged Louis’ knees apart to kneel in between them. Louis arms went limp and his sides and Harry slipped his hand under Louis' t-shirt and slide it around to press firmly into his lower back. Using his other hand to rub circles behind his ear his hot breath was on Louis ear as he continued to whisper reassuring words to him. 

“Everybody is okay. The girls are all here. Jay is here.” Harry kissed the spot right behind his ear and Louis sobbed. “You’re here with me. It’s okay.” He cooed.

“You’re not alone. I’m here, I’ll always be here,” how Harry knew exactly what had triggered this episode Louis will never know but Harry’s slow sweet words being whispered in his ear helped him calm his heart and breath evenly. 

“I love you Lou. I will always be here for you,” Louis whimpered and brought his arms to clutch at Harry’s back. Harry guided Louis’ arms to go around his neck and Harry clutched his lower back tighter with one hand hitching his legs up around his waist with the other. Louis let himself be carried. He had no strength left and relied on Harry to lift him. Harry kept his hands firmly under his things and Louis felt himself being brought up the stairs to his room. 

His sobs had subsided into quiet slow whimpers a few tears still streaking his face. Harry sat back on the bed and scooted them to the middle before laying down Louis wrapped around him, lying on his chest. Their legs tangled together as Harry pulled the duvet over them. He continued to stroke his forehead with his thumb and his other hand rubbing gently up and down his spine. Harry kept whispering soothing words in his ear until finally Louis fell into a fit full sleep from exhaustion. 

***  
Louis woke up with his body draped over Harry’s his head tucked under Harry’s chin. He could hear quiet whispers and Louis kept his eyes closed.

"Harry I was terrified. What happened to him? I've never seen him act like this," Louis could hear the agony in his mothers words. Louis tried to keep his breathing even, he needed to hear what they said. Harry had is arms wrapped around Louis his grip tight. 

"He thinks he's keeping it hidden but I can see it Jay. I can see it in his smile, hear it in his laugh. He's hurting Jay he just doesn't want anybody to know about it," Harry was whispering quietly stroking his thumb up and down Louis' spine.

"What do I do Harry? If he doesn't want help how do I help?" Jay sounded choked up and Louis hoped that she wasn't actually crying. Not over him.

"I'll talk to him, maybe he'll listen to me," Louis couldn't stay 'asleep' anymore. He was panicking a bit. He tried to make it seem like he was just waking up and stirring a bit before opening his eyes. Louis looked up at Harry, his brows were furrowed a slight frown on his lips. Louis felt guilty. Guilty that his mum had found him like that, guilty that his sisters had seen him like that and guilty that he had needed Harry so badly. Harry's eyes were assessing him and seeing if there was any remnants of yesterdays meltdown still lingering. Louis twitched his lips and started to untangle himself. Louis climbed out of bed and dragged his lethargic body to the bathroom leaving a quiet Harry behind. He splashed cool water on his face and felt instantly a little better. The clammy sweat that had dried on his body was adding to his uncomfortable feel to his body. He climbed into the scalding shower and scrubbed his body raw. Being clean didn’t erase the ache that lingered through his entire body. Once he stood in a fresh pair of clothes and didn’t know what to do with himself.

When Louis went downstairs Harry was braiding pigtails and French braiding curly messes for the girls while they ate their breakfast and Louis felt off. He burned the eggs and spilled the jug of milk. He got tooth paste on his sweater and he had to grip the sink not to slip on the puddle Lottie left on the floor. Yesterday was still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t shake his mothers worried whispers. He couldn’t shake the feeling of helplessness that had resided in his heart. His entire world felt off balance. 

When they got to school Eleanor tried to kiss him and apparently he wasn’t ‘responsive enough’ and she got upset. Louis spent the next ten minutes trying to calm her down. Harry watched from his locker across the hall his lips turned down a bitter look on his face. Louis pulled Eleanor into a hug and when he looked up at Harry, his eyes flashed an emotion too quick for Louis to see what it was before his frown deepened and he turned around walking away down the hallway. Louis kept mindlessly stroking Eleanor’s hair wondering what that spark of emotion was in Harry’s troubled eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading. I'd love to hear what you think of it so far ! xx


	10. Glowing in the Moon Light

Monday mornings were already bad enough. Harry was still shaken from Lottie’s frantic call that Louis was having a panic attack and no one could calm him down. Louis’ tear streaked face and trembling body curled up on the floor had made Louis’ normally tough guy front shatter. He looked broken and vulnerable and it took all of Harry’s effort to keep his calm demeanor. It left Harry feeling shaky and anxious. To make things worse Sebastian was walking towards him his signature smirk on his face. Harry sighed. He really didn’t want to deal with this. Sebastian was relentless lately, every day he didn’t spare Harry any of his harsh words. Ever since Eleanor had cornered him at the football game it had only been getting worse. Before it was little nick picky words and rude comments. Now it was harsher, the words were meant to hit hard and cut deep. They did. 

_What’s up faggot_  
How’s it going fairy   
Keep your cock sucking mouth closed faggot  
Nice headband cocksucker 

Harry had a pretty thick skin but it was hard not to let this stuff get to him. This is was something he was entirely not ready to handle yet. When Sebastian got walked up getting into his Harry tried to move out of the way and go around. No such luck.

“Sup faggot?” His sneer was cocky and annoying. “Better stay away from Harry everybody, don’t want to catch any STD’s,” he was shouting a little louder and Harry cringed. A lot of people knew about how Sebastian bullied him but the last thing Harry wanted was for the entire school to know. Sebastian seemed to think he was some gay slut. 

Harry blushed with embarrassment and he felt shame curling deep in his gut. If he was truly gay so what? Why did it matter? It wasn’t any of their business. Sebastian’s clan was gathering to back him up and Harry was starting to get nervous. His hands felt clammy where he gripped his backpack with white knuckles. 

“Think I should let Louis know his little friend is a cock sucker?” Sebastian’s friends chuckled behind him and Harry tried to turn around and leave the other way. At this point he was ready to skip despite his test he had today. After being humiliated in front of a bunch of people he could feel the sting behind his eyes but he kept it in check. 

“Woah! Woah, where do you think you’re going fairy?” He gripped Harrys bicep and pulled him back towards the group who seemed to surround him. Harry really didn’t even know where they got the idea that he was gay other than his tight jeans and the amount of time he spends with Louis.

“Leave me alone Sebastian. Please, just leave me alone,” Harry tried to sound submissive and hoped that Sebastian would have pity on him. 

He didn’t.

Instead Sebastian punched him in the face. Harry recoiled and held his face in his hand spitting blood out of his mouth. He’d bit his tongue and lip. 

“You’re disgusting,” Sebastian spat at him and his crew laughed and sneered. Thankfully they left and Harry was left to drag himself to the bathroom to wash out his mouth of bloody spit. Harry wiped the blood of his sleeve as best he could and went to his first class with his head down. 

***

All of the year eleven and year twelve history students were excused for the day on Friday. Instead of going to their morning classes they made their way to the gym to board the buses for their weekend camping trip. Harry had tried to get out of the trip. He told his mum he didn’t feel good and she gave him the look that said, ‘don’t even try that again’. Harry was dreading spending any more time with Sebastian than he has to. Not to mention the fact that Louis and Eleanor would probably share a tent. The thought made his stomach churn and his heart feel weirdly heavy. 

He climbed up a few rows of bleachers and plopped himself down out of the way of everyone else hustling around excitedly. He picked at the edge of his pillow and waited for Zayn.

Louis came striding in through the door wide smile on his face talking animatedly to some guys from the footie team. Louis had been ignoring Harry all week he didn’t even glance in Harry’s way, just walked straight over to Eleanor duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Most of the footie team liked Harry and were nice to him. It was mostly just Sebastian’s close friends that were bothered by him for whatever reason. 

Next Zayn came in and scanned the crowd before spotting Harry who waved at him. Zayn climbed the few rows and set his pillow down by Harry’s leg before laying down on it. He probably was anticipating a nap while everyone got organized. Zayn had a serious sleeping problem, it was erratic at best.   
True to his nature, Zayn greeted him and then fell asleep almost instantly, mouth open and hair sticking up all over. His longer hair he had going right now made him look younger. Harry could hear Taylor and Eleanor laughing loudly from here small hands pretty much groping Louis and Greg. 

Teachers and faculty going on the trip gathered trying to get the attention of the antsy students scattered throughout the bleachers. The excited chatter finally started to calm down as teachers roll called their list of students and told them what bus they would be on. Harry was on the same bus as Zayn and Louis, but also Eleanor, Taylor and Sebastian. It was going to be a long ride. 

They piled on the bus, Harry getting on towards the tail of the line. He scanned the seats and saw two open ones near the middle of the bus. He walked awkwardly up the isle and his foot caught on someone else’s foot. Harry fell and stuck his arms out to break his fall. He caught himself on the edge of the open chair and legs spread weirdly. He could hear the smug laugh coming from up where he tripped.

“Watch it faggot,” 

“Clever Sebastian, don’t have anything better than that?” Harry said sarcastically and he regretted it instantly because he could see Sebastian’s eyes narrow.

“Better watch yourself Styles,” he clipped out and eyed the teachers in the front. 

Harry not wanting to dig himself any deeper climbed into his seat and slouched down. Louis walked down the aisle and didn’t even look at him, didn’t even bother to acknowledge him. Harry slouched even further. His heart ached knowing that Louis was going to sit with Eleanor. His heart ached that he wasn’t important enough to Louis to even ever stand up for him. Jade leaned over the seat and ruffled his hair. 

“Just ignore him yeah? Everybody is just too scared to say anything to him,” she gave him a sad smile and sat back down in her seat behind him. 

Harry slumped even farther into his seat and rested his forehead on the cool window. Zayn plopped down in the seat next to him quietly and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. They both sat quietly listening to Eleanor and Taylor cackle from the back of the bus before they couldn’t take it anymore and put headphones in.

Bon Iver played through the headphones and soothed them both to sleep for the rest of the bus ride.

***

The two boys were jostled awake by the bus jerking to a stop. People were standing up to stretch and move around waiting for the front of the bus to grab their stuff and unload first. The trip had only been around two hours to Snowdonia National Park where they were camping for the weekend but it had felt like double the time with the stiff neck Harry now had. Anxious to get off the bus people were being pushy much like people are on planes and Harry hung back in his seat massaging his sore neck. Almost everyone was off before Harry and Zayn grabbed their stuff and got off. 

Outside of the bus they could see the park rangers and teachers gathering everyone by the main cabin to make a few announcements. 

“Think anyone will notice if I just go to sleep once we get the tent up?” he asked nudging Harry in his side. Harry smiled because it was so Zayn. 

“I’m sure you could sleep the whole weekend and no one would care mate,” Harry was so envious of Zayn. Everyone liked him and he did whatever he wanted without worry. It must be nice to slip by unnoticed and unbothered all the time. They gathered in a large semi-circle of about 30-40 kids listening to the teachers drone on about the rules.

“No drugs, no weapons, no co-ed tents, no wandering off and no alcohol,” the teachers emphasized and everyone snickered because almost everyone had their own drinks of choice wrapped up carefully in their sleeping bags. 

“Alright guys, we are going to walk down the trail to the campsite to set up tents before we start all the stuff we’ve got planned,” the over enthusiastic teacher was clapping her hands together and motioning down a wide footpath through the trees. They walked quite a ways down the trail till they made it to a wide clearing littered with places for tents to be set up on grass and a large bonfire pit set up. Harry liked it. It was quiet. 

All the students struggled to put up their tents where their teachers told them too. Harry’s been camping before making it easy for him to pop up his and Zayn’s up relatively quickly. They sat at watched everyone else struggle through trying to find the right poles. 

Harry got up and walked over to Louis who was especially struggling. He didn’t even have any poles up.

“Hey, need help?” he asked as he started picking up poles and placing them how they were supposed to go. Louis kind of glanced around and replied hesitantly,

“Uh, sure,” Harry kind of felt sick. The sideways glances Louis kept making towards everyone else as if to check if they were watching them.   
A pebble hit the back of Harry’s head as he got the tent to pop up. It was small but it stung. Harry whipped around and of course it was Sebastian and his douchey friends laughing at him. Harry just rubbed the back of his head and turned back around.

“Louis, better watch out for Harry here, might try and shack up with you in your tent tonight,” Sebastian sneered.

Harry could see Louis visibly flinch at Sebastian’s words. Well, alright then. Harry just barely caught Louis eye and he could see the embarrassment in his eyes and nope. Harry was done right now. He dropped the pole he was holding and let the tent deflate before stalking away. 

“Wait, Harry!” Louis shouted but he didn’t bother turn around. He could vaguely hear Louis yelling at Sebastian about something but he didn’t care. Louis had made his feelings clear. Harry kept going straight past Zayn and their tent into the woods. 

***

After he had come back they were forced to play awkward team building games and Harry tried his best to ignore Sebastian’s comments and Eleanor’s cackles. They ate dinner after roasting their hot dogs over the fire. Finally the teachers left the bonfire going and a pile of wood because they aren’t naïve and they know what’s going to happen after they go to bed but honestly most of them don’t care. Being stuck out in the woods with thirty sum teenagers is bad enough. Everybody sat scattered around the fire on old logs and stumps with blankets pulled around them to protect them from the cold wind rustling the trees. Zayn was sitting quietly at Harry’s side both boys staring into the fire. People had cracked bottles of beer and vodka open and started drinking. Some people were already drunk and getting rowdy, their loud chatter echoing through the quiet woods.

Louis was across the fire underneath a thick blanket Eleanor tucked up into his side. He was whispering quiet words into her ear and placing light kisses in her hair and down her neck. Harry felt sick. His heart ached and he wanted nothing more than to go over there and rip Eleanor’s claws out of Louis’ hands. Sitting there across the fire from Louis jealousy churning in his stomach Harry knew that everything Sebastian had been saying about him was true. He was disgusting. Who falls in love with their guy best friend? One who was also straight. With a girlfriend. 

Tears pricked behind Harry’s eyes and he had never been so thankful for it to be dark outside. He furrowed into Zayn’s side letting his warmth comfort him. He was pretty sure he was having his big gay freak out at the moment. Zayn could probably sense something was wrong because he nudged Harry off his shoulder to open his blanket and wrap it around both of them. 

Zayn was also very intuitive. He didn’t say much but he always knew somehow and I think he knew exactly what was happening right now following Harry’s gaze across the fire to where Louis was sitting. Under the blanket Zayn grabbed Harry’s hand gave it a reassuring squeeze.   
“It’s okay you know. I know what you’re thinking and its okay,” he planted a kiss in Harry’s curls and Harry couldn’t stop the tears that slowly trailed down his cheeks. He pulled back and wiped at his eyes.

“I’m gonna go for a walk quick. I’ll be back,” Harry was wiping his eyes and picking up his blanket before retreating into the darkness of the trees away from the warm fire. Harry stuck to the path not wanting to get lost and followed the light of the moon towards a cliff over-looking a lake. It was peaceful, the moon was reflecting off of the lake illuminating the trees and the fields around it. Harry could hear the quiet rustling of animals as he sat down cross-legged looking out over the cliff. Harry let the tears fall freely now letting his body tremble and shake in fear and anxiety. 

Harry was gay. He wanted to kiss his best friend and when he held them while they slept for all these years he had never wanted to let him go.  
Louis was going to hate him. If he didn’t already, the silent treatment from this week was evident that he might. 

Harry started crying harder, letting an aching sob escape his chest. He was so terrified that Louis would hate him and he would lose him even more than he already had. Harry wrapped the blanket tighter around his body trying to trap what little warmth he had left.

Rustling in the trees behind him made Harry jump out of his skin, he scrubbed his eyes furiously trying hid his tears. Harry watched carefully to see if it was just an animal but a very, very drunk Louis stumbled through the trees pushing branches out of his way. 

“Harry! There you are!” Louis slurred and stumbled forward. He ran up to where Harry was sitting and Harry stuck a blanketed arm out to catch him from falling. He failed though because Louis stumbled straight into his lap. 

“Jesus Lou, how much did you drink?” Louis was face planted in the ground and trying to push himself up bottle still in hand. Louis was wiggling around and Harry was trying to guide him off his lap. Louis wasn’t having it though he adjusted himself so that he was seated right in Harry’s lap straddling him. Oh shit, not right now. Harry couldn’t do this not right now. He turned his head and tried to move Louis out of his lap but once again Louis was fighting him on it. 

“Harry, why did you leave the fire its cold out here!” his breath smelled strongly of vodka and was hot on Harry’s cheek who was still trying not to look at Louis.

“Harryyy,” Louis whined and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck wiggling closer into his lap. “I’m cold,” he complained. Harry’s heart was beating wilding and he was trying to not think about how Louis was moving his ass around in his lap like he was. He gripped Louis’ hips and tried to pry him off but Louis was clinging to him. Defeated Harry wrapped the blanket around both of them because Louis was only wearing a thin sweatshirt. 

“Lou what are you doing wandering the woods drunk?” Harry hoped it was dark enough and that Louis was too drunk to notice his puffy eyes.

“Was trying to find you, Zayn said you went for a walk. Didn’t want you to be out here alone,” he had his head rested on Harry’s shoulder nuzzling his face in Harry’s neck. Harry’s arms that were sitting limp at his sides moved on their own and wrapped themselves are Louis’ waist pulling him closer. Louis sighed and Harry’s heart jumped into his throat. Was it so wrong to be in love with the beautiful boy in front of him? His cerulean eyes were glowing brilliantly in the soft light of the moon making Harry’s chest feel tight and pinched. 

“Just wanted to be alone for a bit is all. You should probably go back to Eleanor Louis,” Louis frowned at Harry calling him Louis and not Lou. Harry could see his lip pouting as his eyes drooped closed.

“I don’t want to be with her. Can’t sleep without you,” Harry felt fresh tears prick his eyes because this was cruel. Louis was his everything and he had no idea how Harry felt. He had no idea that this right here was everything Harry had ever wanted and he’d only just realized just how badly he did. It was quiet for a while and Harry mindlessly ran his knuckles up and down Louis’ spine. 

“You should go back Louis,” he tried again and his voice cracked at the end betraying the calm his was trying to portray. 

“Harry? What’s your deal right now?” he pulled back a bit trying to look him in the eye but Harry kept his face turned away.

“Harry. Look at me.” Harry didn’t listen he just kept looking away trying desperately not to cry.

“Harry,” He said with more conviction in his sternest voice, “look at me now,” Harry had no way to escape with Louis straddling his lap. He turned his head and looked at Louis meeting his cerulean orbs. Louis’ eyes widen in surprise when he saw the wetness to Harry’s green ones and the tear tracks that stained his face. Louis’s brows pulled together in worry. Louis leaned forward and Harry stopped breathing. Louis rested his forehead gently against Harry’s. 

“What’s wrong Harry?” he sounded a bit breathless, “why are you crying?” he asked softly and Harry could hear the nervous edge to his voice. Harry closed his eyes and rested his forehead back on Louis’. Louis carded his small hands lightly through Harry’s curls tugging at them gently and wrapping them around his fingers. Harry shook his head no because he couldn’t tell Louis. The fear was spreading like ice through his veins and a fresh batch of tears slid down his cheeks pink from the cold. 

“You’re drunk Lou,” Harry choked out.

“Sure am, then you can tell me anything and I won’t even remember. It’ll be like you didn’t even tell me,” Louis sounded hurt but he also sounded determined. Harry shook his head again his entire body starting to shake.

“Harry,” Louis pleaded with him and gripped the curls right behind Harry’s ears. Harry squeezed his eyes shut and closed the distance between them and pressing his lips firmly to Louis soft thin ones. His hold on Louis hips tightened as his fingers dug into his exposed skin there. Louis didn’t move their lips stayed smashed together. It was probably only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity. Harry waited for Louis to pull away, to tell him he was disgusting and run back to Eleanor. 

Louis didn’t pull away. In a moment everything changed.

Louis pulled Harry’s curls _hard_. He crushed his body to Harry’s chest and kissed him. They moved their lips together frantically. It wasn’t sweet or gentle, it was desperate and Harry could feel the hurt seeping in. Louis ran his tongue along Harry’s lip and Harry tangled theirs together in a clash of teeth. It was messy and frantic and Harry thought his heart was about to burst from beating too hard. They kissed like it was their last breath and Harry tried to ignore the fact that Louis was piss drunk. Harry was clutching at Louis’ waist hard enough to leave bruises. He hoped Eleanor would see them. See that he’d had Louis even if it was fleeting, even if he couldn’t remember where they came from in the morning. 

The snap of a stick startled them apart. They were both panting loudly foreheads pressed together. 

“Harry,” Louis breathed out, “I-I shouldn’t have done that,” he sounded panicked and Harry felt stomach dropped. “We can’t…I-I, Eleanor. Yepp Eleanor,” Louis was climbing out of Harry’s lap and fleeing back into the woods towards camp. Harry felt rock bottom hit him like a freight train. That slight bit of hope he’d had been harboring just died with one sentence from Louis and Harry knew he’d just lost his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? xx


	11. Flashing Lights

The groups were running through the woods, dodging branches and trying not to trip over stumps and roots that blocked their path. Everyone was searching for the ‘golden ticket’ as the teachers called it to get the only cabin for four students. 

It felt like they were on a wild goose chase though, Harry, Jade, Perrie and Greg hurried around finding different clues. They had run into a few other teams and were racing to beat them. Everyone wanted a bed to sleep on tonight instead of the hard ground in their sleeping bags. After last night everybody was desperate fort the warmth of the cabin. Coming up to the next clue they saw a carved wood circle hanging from a higher branch. No one could reach it and there weren’t any branches low enough to climb to get up there.

Harry bent down while Greg helped Jade climb onto his shoulders to retrieve the clue. Greg held Jade’s ankles to make sure she didn’t topple over when Harry slowly stood up. Jade read it and slowly and awkwardly they lowered her back down to the ground. They left it tied up there to make it harder for the next team. 

“It literally just said, ‘Beyond the shore. Just around the river bend,’” Jade looked confused. Harry was confused too. Perrie though, her face lit up.

“It’s from Pocahontas! It means by the waterfall just like in the movie,” she told them excitedly. Harry’s face cracked a smile and they grabbed their map to find which way to go. Greg was their main navigator and he held the compass and started them off in the opposite direction. They walked at a decently fast past trying to stay ahead of the others. The possibility of a warm cabin was becoming more and more appealing by the second. It was getting chilly out as the day went on their thin sweatshirts letting the cold breeze raise goose bumps along their arms. 

They found a small foot path that Greg claimed, ‘led them right to the top of the waterfall,’ and followed it endlessly until finally they could hear the rushing water as it toppled over the falls. They walked out into the clearing and it was a beautiful view, everything was a mix of greens and blues hazed by the mist of the falling water. It wasn’t a very tall waterfall, two maybe three stories but it was high enough that only adrenaline junkies would go cliff diving here. Water rushed around rocks in the river below giving it the smooth airbrushed look in paintings. After admiring the view for a moment Harry started searching for the clue. 

No such luck so far. They kept searching trying to think of where the last clue could be hidden. Searching the branches they heard the crunch of footsteps and the snapping of twigs as another team got closer. Jade and Greg’s eyes widen in panic and they all started frantically searching. Loud laughing could be heard and Sebastian’s team barreled through the opening in the trees. Of course it was his posse following him along with Louis and Eleanor and the rest of his team. They saw Harry and his team searching and started rushing around themselves. 

“Look who we have here. Harry’s finding the last clue for me,” he crossed his arms and smirked. Harry just ignored him and kept looking. There was a tree close to the edge and Harry’s eye caught something hanging from it. He didn’t want to alert anyone from the other team about it though so he backed up towards it a subtly as possible. Sebastian was still eyeing him and Harry felt wary having him around. His presence was always exhausting.

“You know where it is don’t you Styles,” everyone stopped what they were doing at looked at him. He wasn’t a very good liar. They could all see it on his face,

“Where is it Styles?” Sebastian was stalking towards him like a lion stalks its prey. Harry felt a bit of anxiety creep up. Surly Sebastian wouldn’t beat him up in front of everyone? Harry took a few steps back away from him closer to the clue.

“I don’t know where it is, if I did I wouldn’t be standing here still,” he tried sounding innocent but he knew it wasn’t working. He kept backing up a few steps at a time as Sebastian got closer. They were a few feet from the edge which made Harry’s hands feel clammy and his throat tight. He was never fond of heights. 

“I know you do Styles. Give it to me,” he spat at him and Harry glanced around at the circle of people. They thought this was a joke, that Sebastian wouldn’t actually punch him out of annoyance. They didn’t really know him though. Harry was standing right under the clue he tried to formulate a plan of how to get it but also get away from Sebastian at the same time. Harry was faster but Sebastian was blocking his way to the path. 

“Come on Styles I know you’re nerdy enough to find where it is. Just give it to me,” Harry could hear the slight anger in his voice but the rest of Sebastian’s and Louis’ team were laughing, including Louis. Louis who was supposed to be his friend, Louis who knew that Sebastian harassed him and had beaten him before. Louis who had kissed him last night and left him. Louis who had broken his heart and Harry felt the harsh sting of betrayal watching Louis smile and laugh. Could he not see the slight panic on Harry’s face? Could he really not see how uncomfortable Harry was? It hurt. It hurt to know his best friend was laughing at him, alienating him like everyone else did. Louis was already pretending that they didn’t kiss, if he even remembered at all.

Harry made a split second decision to grab the hanging clue and run. He jumped up on his toes to reach it and he was able to tug it right off. Sebastian saw him make a move towards it and lunged at him. Harry tried to duck to the right to run but Sebastian got to him first. He gripped his arms and they wrestled for the clue. Harry stepped back when Sebastian jostled him and he felt his foot slip over the edge. He flailed a bit and steadied himself gripping Sebastian’s t shirt. They both froze. 

Sebastian smiled. His lips curled into an evil smile his eyes darkening in sick pleasure. He could see the terrified look on Harry’s face and he loved it. He nudged Harry a bit and laughed when Harry gripped his shirt harder. His feet were resting dangerously close to the edge. Harrys’ ears were ringing and his heart pounding. Please dear god. Please. He kept thinking over and over. Everything happened in the course of a few seconds,

“Have a nice swim,” Sebastian whispered quietly knowing the others wouldn’t hear him. He pretending to stumble a bit and the next thing Harry knew he was being pushed over the ledge Sebastian prying his hands from his t shirt. Harry felt his eyes go wide in fear as he fell over the edge catching Jade’s terrified eyes. He desperately tried to plant his feet or grab onto anything but both his feet left the edge and he flailed helplessly.

His stomach lept into his throat as he fell, watching Sebastian’s eyes never leave him. Wind rushed past his ears the fall felt like it lasted an eternity he could see Sebastian laughing from above the others rushing to the edge. Harry felt the mist of the water fall spraying him right before he hit the water like a rag doll. His body smacked the water hard and it knocked the wind out of him and rattled his bones. The current of the waterfall was pushing him farther underwater and Harry struggled to find what was up and what was down in the darkness. His mind was fuzzy and his body was thrown around into rocks as he tumbled through the rapids. He knocked his head hard on a solid mass, and slamming into another sharp edge gashing his side before he blindly stuck his hands out trying to protect his head from further damage. His body tumbled through darkness no breath left in his aching lungs until finally he was able to get a solid footing to push himself to what he hoped was the surface. 

Clawing his way up Harry broke the surface and started sputtering and choking out all the water he swallowed practically throwing up water. He coughed and struggled to get his bearings the current still pushing him around. He opened his eyes and saw he was on the other side of the falls from where he fell. The shore was maybe ten feet away and Harry started trying to pull himself towards the edge his body weighed down by his soaked clothes and shoes. He was tripping as he scrambled up the river bank laying down once he finally managed to claw his way into the muddy grass along the edge. Harry was breathing deep labored breaths trying to make up for the deprived moments of oxygen under the water. Harry felt something warm running down the side of his head and he knew what it was from the throbbing he felt. His side was the worst, there was a sharp searing pain running the length of his side. 

Harry sat up gingerly. His head was pounding and he was still desperately dragging air into his lungs. He looked up to see the crowd of people around the ledge where he fell. He could hear shouts directed at him but he could truly care less. He could see Louis frantically shouting but Harry just pushed himself up and touched his head lightly. He winced and his hand came back with a bit of blood. It didn’t seem too bad though. His side was another story. It burned and Harry peeled his wet shirt off his side and he could already see the blood that had soaked through. He peeked at it and let his shirt fall back in place. It was pretty bad. He looked once more at his classmates before turning to walk back to camp soaked and alone. Harry shut off the floodgate of emotions he was bound to feel and let the freezing water that clung to his skin make him go numb. 

***

Louis was panicking. Sebastian was cornering Harry way to close to the edge. Sebastian was rude and a douche but he wasn’t that twisted. Except he was. 

When Harry lunged for the clue Sebastian had stumbled and Harry fell over the edge. Louis’ eyes almost bulged out of his head. His heart physically stopped and he ran to edge towards Harry who was falling. He watched Harry in horror as his body hit the water like a rag doll. Louis waited. He waited for Harry to surface. 

He wasn’t surfacing.

Why wasn’t he surfacing? Louis wasn’t breathing, he was desperately trying not to hyperventilate but he was failing. Jade was screaming and crouching next to him. They waited and waited and it was too long for him to be underwater right? Right? Louis couldn’t think, he couldn’t move. Sebastian had this sick look on his face but there was also a slight hint of panic. 

A little ways away they finally saw Harry break the surface sputtering and gasping. He was clawing his way towards shore and Louis felt relief flood though him. He was okay. Harry was fine. 

Except he wasn’t. 

Harry was laying on the bank his chest heaving quickly and Louis could see the faint outline of blood coloring his shirt. Louis’ heart rate spiked to the point it was probably going to burst.

“HARRY?!” he was screaming frantically at him across the way. Harry didn’t answer, he barely even glanced at them. Jade and Perrie were screaming next to him trying to get him to answer. Why wasn’t he answering? They knew he could hear them. 

Harry stood up slowly and Louis could see the blood spreading on his shirt. He watched Harry peek under his shirt and let his arms go limp. He glanced up at them again and Louis didn’t need to be next to Harry to know what he was feeling.

Dread ripped through Louis. God, why was he so stupid? Louis was already freaking out because yep, he’d kissed Harry. He had been choosing to ignore his feelings about it, the light happy feelings and the warmth that he felt from Harry because it scared him. This though, this was a million times worse than that fear. The fear of losing Harry was crippling.

“HARRY?!” he was shouting till his voice was terse and raw. Harry just kept walking into the woods till no one could see him anymore.

***

It took Jade, Perrie and Greg to get him back to the camp. They hurried frantically trying to find Harry along the way with no luck. They stumbled into camp to find cop cars and ambulances surrounding the area. 

Louis took off running a cop caught him around the waist to stop him but Louis clawed at the thick arm that held him place.

“Harry!?” he shouted, he could see the flat wet hair that was supposed to be curly. “Is he okay?” he asked the cop holding him,

“The boy’s fine,” he told him letting him go but keeping a firm hand on his shoulder, “needs stitches though,” Louis felt sick. He thought he was going to throw up on the cop’s shoes. They ambulance doors closed and drove off. 

Harry didn’t come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Do you like what has happened so far? How do you feel about Louis and Harry's relationship? Is everything so far making sense?
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know (:


	12. Torn Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I've been out of the country on Vacation ! Short update but a long one is coming really soon! Possible trigger warnings!

After a rather calm ride to the hospital and getting a few stiches Anne came to pick him up. Harry gave her a look to say ‘I told you not to make me go’ without actually saying it. She simply sat on the edge of the bed stroking his hair in apology. They stayed until a kind nurse brought them his release papers and then they made the long drive home in silence.

Harry was definitely wallowing. He was acting like a wounded puppy and he hated it. It hurt like hell everything that had happened but he chose to ignore it. 

The door suddenly flew open and Harry sat up in his bed being mindful of his fresh stitches. Louis was looking at him wide frantic eyes in the doorway. 

“You.” He growled. Harry drew his brows together in confusion.

“You. I’m mad at you,” he was practically yelling the venom in his voice clear. Harry flinched back but he quickly felt angry. What right did Louis have to be mad? Harry’s fists balled up in the sheets on either side of him.

“For starter, don’t ever fucking ignore me like that again. You hear me? If anything had happened to you I swear to god Harry I—,” Louis’ voice cracked at the end, the anger in his stature draining out of him. Harry was still confused. 

“I know, I ignored you but you didn’t even give me a chance to think Harry. You, you kissed me. I didn’t know what to do with that and you let me think that you were dead in the woods somewhere,” Louis was pacing and rambling and Harry thought that everything they had never talked about and everything they had repressed was bursting to the surface. 

“You of all people should know that I can’t—I can’t deal with that,” Louis was taking in harsh angry pants again, “Do you even know what that does to me?” 

“What that does to you? What that does to you Louis, really?” Harry was angry now. Harry was angry and trying to climb out of bed while his side throbbed in pain.

“You let me kiss you and then you left! You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and then crawling into my bed after spending all day with Eleanor. What was I supposed to think Louis?” Louis was angry again he could see it in the way his shoulders tensed.

“I’m not gay Harry! I have a girlfriend if you’ve forgotten. Sorry if finding out that apparently my best friend is gay and then having him kiss me is a bit of a shock to deal with!” he was yelling again. 

“So Louis, tell me, what did it mean then when you kissed me back? Huh? Don’t try and tell me that you didn’t feel anything for me,” Harry was stressed out and his side hurt and his head was swirling and he couldn’t stop the word vomit that was happening. 

“You know what Harry, Eleanor was right. You are clingy and selfish,” Louis spat at him. Harry knew that Louis didn’t mean it he could see how scared Louis was behind the anger. But at the same time Harry was just so sick of everything.

“Clingy? You think I’m clingy? HA.” Harry felt blind rage because Louis was always his first in his book. He loved Louis as a friend first before any of this shit happened. His skin felt hot and prickly. 

“Was I clingy when I let you crawl into my bed every night? Was I selfish when I took care of your sisters while you were at work?” Harry couldn’t stop it now couldn’t hide it anymore despite his promise to Jay. He felt the words fly out of his mouth and there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

“Was I selfish when I sat through your dad’s trial for months on end because Jay didn’t want you to have to testify? Was it selfish when your father screamed in my face as a ten year old that he had killed my best friend with his bare hands? Was it selfish when I was afraid my best friend was dead? Was I selfish when I sat in front of your father in court and retold how we found you practically dead?” Harry was seizing with anger and hurt so deep he thought his heart was actually physically cracking. He could see Louis staring back at him with a blank stare. 

“Was it too clingy of me to be happy with my best friend who I thought was dead? Was is it clingy and selfish of me to fall in love with you after everything we’ve been through? Tell me Louis, am I still too selfish and clingy?” Harry was yelling so loudly his voice was raw with agony and hurt. No one had ever told Louis about his dad aside from the fact that he was in jail. Jay and Anne had made him promise after they found him that they wouldn’t tell him. 

That they wouldn’t tell him about how Louis’ dad had been standing in the front yard smashing pictures and laughing manically about how he had beat Louis to death. How his son’s body lay dead inside in a pile of blood. How Jay had crumbled when the cops came and tackled him to the ground. How despite being handcuffed and shoved into the back seat of the cop car he kept screaming in detail about how exactly he’d killed Louis and watched the life fade from his eyes like a bad horror movie Harry had sat in the front yard, frozen to the spot only being able to listen in trepidation. 

“Tell me Louis, am I too selfish for you,” he asked quietly still dragging in harsh breaths through his nose. 

Louis stared at him. He had a blank dead look in his eyes and Harry immediately regretted everything he had just said. Harry had never regretted keeping it from Louis. He had never felt that going to the trial instead of Louis was asking too much of him. He never did anything he hadn’t wanted to when it came to Louis. Because he loved him and when saw the slight shake to Louis’ shoulders he knew that this was too much for him. Louis just shook his head before he quietly walked out the door and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone! Ask questions and leave comments etc etc. I love feedback!


	13. Not the Same Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge HUGE thank you to everyone who's been reading and commenting, you guys are amazing and I'm seriously so glad you like the story! I've always loved writing but have been too afraid to ever put anything out there. I smile like an idiot from all the nice things you guys have to say!

When Zayn had caught wind of what Sebastian had done he first beat the shit out of him and secondly told the cops. Zayn was by far the most calm and non-violent person Harry knew, which made him fighting Sebastian that much bigger of a deal. It was a quick deal, Sebastian went to juvie for a few months because he was only seventeen and then he eventually changed schools. Harry was a bit too forgiving of a person, but he was content with the outcome especially when Sebastian groveled at his feet with and apologized profusely, even before the trial. 

It had been around six months now since all of that and since Harry and Louis had said anything to each other. After their blowout neither of them had said anything to each other for a few days. A few days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Christmas and birthdays and New Year’s had all passed. A lot had changed in six months. Louis always had this weird look to him whenever Harry managed to catch his eye but it usually ended with Louis looking back at the ground. It made Harry’s heart clench. 

Louis and Harry were not mad at each other exactly. They just kind of stopped talking to each other. Harry wasn’t totally happy but he was seeing someone now and that was a good distraction. He’d met Jacob at the New Year’s Eve party he had gone to, his brown eyes the complete opposite of his favorite blue ones had caught his eye from across the room. They had been casually seeing each other ever since.

Their footie season had picked up again, it was Friday night after their game and Zayn was having a party at his house to celebrate. Harry pushed his way through the mass of sweaty bodies to the kitchen to find himself a much needed drink. Jacob was waiting patiently for him in the other room with Perrie and Jade and he wanted to get back as soon as possible. He found an empty cup and started to fill it up with the strongest stuff he could find. Drinking it all in one go he felt the burn as it traveled down his throat, teeth clenched he poured another.

The music was loud and people were dancing and groping everywhere. To say he was uncomfortable was an understatement. Partying had never really been his thing. He stayed hidden in the kitchen most of the time. Zayn came through the door and spotted Harry leaning up against the counter eyes lighting up with excitement. All Harry could feel was slight dread. 

“HARRY! Finally I’ve been looking for you everywhere. We’re playing a game, common!” he yelled over the music as he grabbed Harry’s hand and pulled him into the other room. Harry clutched his drink tightly to his chest he was still too sober for any of this. They found their way into the living room where the coffee table was lined with an array of different shot glasses full of unknown alcohols. 

Harry cringed. Everyone was in a circle around the table and he saw that Eleanor was seated in Louis’ lap. Louis was very clearly piss drunk, he was laughing loudly, slurring his words. Zayn pushed Harry so he was sitting down on the couch next to him before announcing loudly to the group,

“We are playing a combo of never have I ever, Truth or Dare and spin the bottle,” he paused before adding, “There are basically no rules, everything goes and everyone drinks.” Zayn was laughing now as everyone looked at him a bit confused, “I’ll start, never have I ever…had sex in a bathroom!” Harry looked around the room and watched as a few people drank, including Eleanor and Louis. Harry felt knots forming in his stomach. He wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. Jacob shifted beside him and sat in Harry’s lap to make room for someone else to sit down. Harry wrapped an arm around his waist and he felt happy. Sitting here with Jacob and his cute brown eyes and his messy blonde curls made him feel happy. Jacob was sweet and nice, he didn’t go to the same school making it hard to see each other but he was constantly making up for it with his adorable smile and gentle touches. 

The game continued and Harry found himself very, very drunk along with everyone else. Jacob was giggling in his lap while he chatted with Perrie. There had been dares for people to kiss each other and to kiss someone’s butt somewhere in there, it was chaos.  
“I’ll go next!” Louis shouted, “Never have I ever given a blow job to someone driving,” he winked because they all knew plenty of girls would be out from this one. Harry hesitantly drank and so did Jacob. Louis’ eyes went wide but quickly went blank. A guy named George started shouting, “Never have I ever kissed a dude!” he laughed.

“Louis! I dare you to kiss whoever the bottle lands on in the closet for ten minutes! None of the seven minutes in heaven shit!” Jade was already spinning the bottle as she was saying this. Harry’s heart jumped into his throat when to his horror the bottle landed on him. Everyone burst out in whoops and cheers and Harry saw Eleanor narrow her eyes at him. Jacob had gone tense in his lap. Harry had briefly told him about him and Louis and he didn’t want to see Harry hurt again. He made eye contact with Louis who looked unsure but shrugged not wanting to be the one to ruin the game. Jacob hesitantly climbed out of his lap not wanting to be the kill joy of the game either. He was a good sport but he wasn’t a fan of this.

Harry’s legs were on autopilot, he didn’t know how he was walking but he was following behind Louis going towards the closet in the other room. The group followed still laughing and cheering as they shoved them both inside and locked the door. Harry stumbled a bit and felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

“Ten minutes guys! You better be snogging!” Jade was yelling through the door. Harry couldn’t even see Louis but he sure as hell didn’t want to turn on the light. Harry’s mind was swirling, they had hardly spoken a word to each other in six month. Six months. That’s a long time. They last time they had kissed had been a huge mess of chaos.

Suddenly hands found their way to his shirt and gripped the fabric pulling him closer to Louis. His body collided with Louis’ and he could feel Louis’ hot breath that reeked of booze on him their faces were only centimeters apart.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Harry managed to choke out. His head was spinning and his heart was beating painfully fast. 

“Only because it’s you,” Louis slurred and before Harry could register what that could mean there was a pair of lips crashing into his. Louis missed his mouth slightly, kissing part of his lip and cheek but quickly fixed his mistake lips now moving on Harry’s. Harry was still frozen in place his lips on Louis’ but not quite moving. He felt Louis wrap his arms around his neck and finally Harry melted into the kiss.  
It was hesitant at first, both boys seeing if the other one would pull away but neither did. Louis started moving his lips faster and putting more pressure on the kiss, it had become passionate in a matter of seconds. Harry could only respond hoping not to scare him off. Harry’s hands were gripping tightly at Louis’ slim hips as he walked them forwards slamming Louis roughly into the wall. Louis had his hands woven into Harry’s hair tugging at the curls wrapped around his small fingers. Harry moaned unintentionally and was scared Louis might pull away but instead he felt Louis’ tongue running the length of his lips. Oh hell. Harry threw all caution to the wind. He opened his mouth and let his tongue tangled wildly with Louis’. Their kiss was heated, fast and desperate. Harry had never felt anything like this before.

His hands were clawing at Louis’ hips needing something to hold on to tell him this was real. Louis moaned quietly as Harry’s hands rounded around to grab his full, thick ass pulling Louis flush to him. Harry grinded into him while biting Louis’ bottom lip and when he let it go Louis threw his head back and moved his hips against Harry. 

Harry’s face felt flushed and he found he was panting now as he moved to kiss down Louis’ neck. Louis moaned again louder this time and Harry couldn’t control himself anymore. He gripped the back of Louis’ thighs and hoisted him up and pinned him up against the wall. He was grinding wildly on Louis now who had wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. His tongue ran across Louis’ collarbone before making his way back to his mouth where he kissed him hard and fast. They were panting and moaning into each other’s mouths and their hips worked in unison creating a desperate fiction between the two. Harry slowed his lips trying to secretly convey his feelings to Louis without having to say them. 

Moving his lips slowly and gently he moved to kiss Louis’ cheek then neck before resting his head there. He was trying to steady his breathing. Louis had his head resting back against the wall, his chest that was moving rapidly started to slow.

“Lou,” Harry choked out and he could hear his voice dripping in desperation. He needed Louis to hear him. Harry was still holding Louis up against the wall their bodies pressed tight together. “Lou….” Harry tried again but then there was banging furiously on the door. 

“Ten minutes is up lovebirds!” It was Jade and the entire rest of the party pounding on the door. Harry took a shaky breath as he let Louis’ legs slide back to the ground. Louis hadn’t unwrapped his arms yet from around Harry’s shoulders. It was too dark to see Louis’ expression and Harry was terrified about how Louis would react to what had just happened. 

“Shut up Jade!” Perrie gave her a playful shove when they opened the door. 

Harry immediately felt guilty because Jacob was out there sitting on the couch. Sure they weren’t boyfriends but, still the novelty of it. This game wasn’t supposed to have so much feeling involved. He pulled back and opened the door stalking straight back to Jacob who was eyeing him worriedly. He gave him a slight smile and tossed back another shot before pulling Jacob back into his lap. 

Louis was staring at the ground and when Eleanor tried to sit into his lap he got up and left. The game was pretty much over anyways, it was getting really late. Jacob grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to the room in that they’d staked claim in. They wanted to stay over and help Zayn clean up in the morning. 

Jacob was kissing him sweetly and gently. It was nothing compared to the frantic and heated kisses he’d shared with Louis. Jacob made him feel safe and content. They fell onto the bed exchanging blow jobs, their soft moans filling the room. They fell asleep wrapped around each other after and Harry drifted off a small smile on his face with Jacobs large arms around his waist. 

***  
A week later Harry was walking under the bleachers towards the pitch for practice when he heard his name being shouted from far behind him. He froze because he knew that voice. Eleanor. Eleanor had pretty much left him alone when he and Louis stopped talking. Still, he waited for her to catch up to him. Better to face it then ignore it forever.

Turning slowly to face her he saw her stop right in front of him her eyes ablaze. This sent his pulse into a frenzy, what did she want? He waited quietly for her to say what she clearly wanted to shout at him. He shifted a bit when she continued to eye him silently. 

“You think this is funny?!” She was angry. “Louis broke up with me because of you!” she yelled at him loudly. Harry flinched. He hoped no one was nearby to hear any of this. He wanted to retaliate and say something, try and defend himself but he had nothing it was true he didn’t like her. Ha-ha big surprise there. He only looked at her trying his best to hold his blank stare firm. Why now? Why had Louis broken up with her now?

“What did you say to him Harry?” she was laughing now, brushing her hair off her shoulders. Her smirk said it all. She knew she was getting to him. 

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve barely talked to Louis in months,” Harry tried but it didn’t work though because he saw something in Eleanor shift from humor to anger again.

“Why can’t you just give it up? He is my boyfriend and he will never love you in the way that he loves me!” Eleanor had her teeth gritted, eyes burning in anger. Something in Harry snapped. He couldn’t take it anymore. The constant comments, the mean stares everything was too much. He was going to explode. 

“Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch he might actually have loved you!” he yelled so loudly he knew someone was bound to hear him. At this point he didn’t care. He was trembling with rage and wasn’t sure what came over him. He got right up in her face before whispering,  
“No one will ever love someone like you,” and that was it. That is all he said before he turned and almost ran to the pitch. Harry had changed over the last few months. He was tired of all the bullshit and he was so done. 

He desperately needed to clear his head. He needed to run till he legs gave out and practice till he only had enough energy to get home to his bed. He dropped his bag on the side lines and tied his shoes painfully tight. He didn’t want to have to stop for any reason. Running off the grass towards the track that surrounded the pitch he started running warm up laps if you could call them that. He was practically sprinting wanting to feel the pain and ache. His teammates were looking at him strangely but he kept going, practice wasn’t starting for a half hour still.  
Lap after lap he ran harder and harder. He was panting and sweating but he didn’t care he just kept going, tying not to think of all the hurt plaguing his heart. He rounded the track for his next lap when he saw Jacob walk up to the fence and wave him down. He was smiling and holding a small bag and a blue Gatorade. Harry smiled because Jacob was always popping up and doing cute things like this. Harry jogged over to him and planted a wet kiss on his cheek. 

“Ew! Harry!” he was laughing but wiping off his face, “you’re sweaty! Practice hasn’t even started yet,” he held the Gatorade out and Harry took it and opened it, it was still cold. Harry smiled and pressed another kiss to his forehead this time. Jacob pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the fence with Harry resting his elbows on Jacob’s knees. 

“What are you doing here?” Harry asked. “Wanna do something after my practice?” Harry took another sip and he caught something flicker over Jacobs face. He paused waiting for Jacob to say something.

“Yeah, sure that sounds good. I just wanted to surprise you,” he smiled but Harry thought it looked off. Harry saw Louis enter the pitch. He was determined to ignore him seeing as that’s what he was doing to him. It only lasted a few minutes though. Harry saw Louis jogging towards them. Jacob hopped down from the fence and they looked at each other in confusion. Before they could register what he was doing Louis ran up to them and tackled Jacob straight into the grass.

They hit the ground hard. Harry saw them tumble and Louis was already on him landing punches on Jacob’s face. Jacob was struggling under him, squirming trying to get away but the punches didn’t stop. Harry could see the rage on Louis’ face his hair was sticking up all over. The worst part was his eyes. Harry could see the cold look in Louis’ normally warm blue eyes. Harry finally snapped out of his frozen daze and rushed to try and pull Louis off of him. 

“Louis! What the hell are you doing!” he grabbed Louis’ practice jersey and was pulling him hard. Louis wasn’t giving up though. Jacob landed a few punches and they rolled struggling to get the upper hand. Louis finally ended up on top again though.

“Louis! Stop!” Harry was yelling now frantically trying to pull Louis off of Jacob. He wrapped his arms around his waist and finally managed to detach the two. He still held Louis tightly as Jacob got up and wiped the blood from his nose. 

Harry let Louis go finally shoving him off of him.

“Seriously Louis, What the fuck is your problem?!” Harry was shouting at him and Louis’ fists balled up at his sides.

“Your boyfriend here is cheating on you with Eleanor,” he looked at Jacob, disgust clear in his voice. What? Did he really just hear that right?

It hurt. It hurt so badly because why couldn’t Louis just leave him out of this? They had been fine, civil even until now. Why did he have to go and kiss him and mess everything up again? He was happy with Jacob, why was Louis so set on ruining that?

“Even if it’s true Louis you had no right to handle it this way. I will handle Jacob and you deal with your girlfriend,” Louis’ eyes widened in slight confusion. Yes, Harry knew that Louis had broken up with Eleanor and if this was true Harry now knew why. That didn’t make it hurt any less that now Louis was defending his ex-girlfriend. Harry looked at Jacob and who had a guilty look on his face and Harry knew that Louis wasn’t lying. Harry felt something cold and tight curling in his heart as he dropped his eyes to the ground. 

Alright then. 

Harry backed up towards his bag. He grabbed it and left the field not bothering to look back at anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it so far? Things are changing !


	14. Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been so angsty, sorry about that. Coming though is so much fluff you'll be sick (:

Right foot, left foot, right foot, Louis had to consciously tell himself to move, to breathe. What had he done? How could Jacob have done that? To Harry of all people? Harry was his person, his best friend, his everything, his safe place, his life. He saw the hurt on Harry’s face but Harry didn’t get what he was saying. Jacob had cheated with Eleanor. When Eleanor told him Louis had gone into a blind rage. How could Jacob do that to Harry? Louis was mad that Jacob did that to Harry. He expected this of Eleanor. 

Louis was pacing back and forth in his room. Tears were steadily streaming down his face and he couldn’t stop the body tremors. He was breathing shallowly and it felt as if his body had stopped working. His throat was raw from the force of trying to drag air into his lungs. The pain from his hands fisting in his hair was the only thing preventing him from passing out. 

No, No. Harry would forgive him. He was sorry, he didn’t mean to make him upset again. He had been trying so hard to leave Harry be and let him be happy. Jacob was good for him, or at least he thought he was. 

The look in Harry’s eyes when he saw Louis told him that he wouldn’t forgive him. Louis pulled his hair harder. He saw the blood that stained his shirt and his hands shook. He clutched it tighter before ripping it off and tossing it at the wall. He ripped the shower curtain open and stepped into the scalding hot water. 

Louis noticed the blood that had dried on his knuckles. In shame he began scrubbing his knuckles raw and then some till they were red and almost bleeding. His breathing had become frantic and he finally collapsed on the floor of the tub. Letting the rivets of water run over his cheeks and down his back he tried to make the unbearable pain in his chest stop. He was clawing at the skin over his heart trying to make it go away. 

He sat there till the water went cold. Turning off the shower he climbed out and found a towel to wrap around his waist before falling into bed. His eyes were being forced shut from exhaustion. After a couple hours of tossing and turning Louis gave up. 

It was around seven am and he couldn’t lie down any longer. Rolling over to check his phone after a day he saw that he had missed calls from his mum, Eleanor, Zayn and Stan. Shit. He had missed the first half of his shift at the coffee shop. Add that to the list of things he’s fucked up. Quickly Louis jumped up and started throwing on work clothes and half ran to the coffee shop where Stan was manning the counter. 

Stan’s eyes went wide at Louis’ appearance. He knew he looked bad but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Louis grabbed an apron and started doing everything he could think of trying to keep his mind occupied. Stan didn’t ask and Louis didn’t offer. He stayed long after his shift ended telling Stan he would stay for his to make up for this morning. When nine o’clock rolled around, he dreaded the thought of having to go home. Louis took an extra-long time cleaning and sweeping before finally locking the front door to leave. 

Instead of heading home he started walking again, planning on going to the park and lying on the bench for the rest of the night. He planned on going to the park but he ended up behind the small red house. Louis was staring at it trying to find the courage to climb the tree. He was afraid. He wanted to see Harry, he wanted to curl into his arms and feel his warmth after so many months a part. 

Louis had realized he was in love with Harry after the Sebastian trial. Despite their blowout Louis went and testified even if Harry didn’t know he was doing it. After everything Harry had told him about his father Louis didn’t think he could ever thank Harry for everything he’s done and he also knew he’d never forgive himself for letting Harry slip through his fingers. Louis had been trying to work on himself, they had gone so long without speaking because Louis was trying to figure out how to be with Harry, how to be good for Harry. When he thought he was getting close, Jacob came along and who was he after everything he’s done to break them up for selfish reasons? Thoughts of Jacob made his fists clench in anger, Louis had trusted Jacob with Harry and he had screwed up royally. 

After close to a half hour of standing there he made his way up the tree and slid his finger in the crack hesitant to try and open the window, afraid of what lies behind it. Holding his breath he pulled slightly and it slid open. Louis jumped inside throwing away any fear he had. The window was open. The window was open like it always was. He landed loudly and looked around the room. The bed was neatly made, no curly haired boy under the covers, but when he looked further around the room something was off. 

It was too empty. Empty? Louis was confused, Harry was not neat. He always had stuff littered everywhere. Louis frantically moved through the room ripping open drawers and finding all the clothes gone. All the pictures were taken off the wall, papers thrown in the trash next to the desk. Louis’ breathing was ragged. He gripped the closet door and pulled it open to find it empty too. Everything was gone.

Harry was gone.

Gone. 

Gone. That wasn’t right, he couldn’t be. Louis couldn’t move he stood in the middle of the room staring at the empty bed. He left, Harry left him. Louis felt his heart cracking and he was mindlessly clawing at his chest again to stop the pain. By now Louis wasn’t exactly breathing. He’s had panic attacks over and over but none had ever been this catastrophic. Louis was contemplating jumping out the window when he saw something was stuck to the edge of it. It was a picture that Louis had given Harry for his fifteenth birthday. Louis was on Harrys back like a koala but instead of acting like a normal, calm sixteen year old Louis had Harry’s face mashed between his hands. It was what Louis called Harry’s squishy face. The tears blurred the picture but Louis flipped it over in his hands. There was a short note on the back that said,

‘The window was always open’ 

Louis lost it. He had messed up so badly. This was it. Harry was done with him for real this time. Louis was crying, sobs ripping through him. He had slid down the wall and was borderline fetal only the wall keeping him upright. Anne had thrown the door open finding him crying shamelessly. Instead of calling the cops or throwing him out, she crouched down next to him and hugged him tightly whispering calming words in his ears as Louis’ heart shattered. Harry was gone for good this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides*  
> I swear the fluff is coming......


	15. Sockless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's point of view to start out the chapter! How do people promote their stories? Do people do that?

Zayn’s POV

Harry’s mum had called him in the middle of the night. He was woken up to the incessant vibrating on his night stand and a frantic Anne on the other end. Throwing on clothes he quietly snuck out of the house to not wake his sisters up and when he got there Louis was asleep on the couch, dried tear tracks running down his face. 

Anne had brought him into the kitchen where cups of lukewarm tea waited. She explained where Harry was and why he left but made him promise not to tell Louis just yet. Anne believed Harry would come around but she also had to give him a chance for space as well. She was obviously worried about Louis and how he had taken Harry leaving so poorly. 

That was months ago. 

Zayn was there to pick up the pieces left behind. He had finally got Louis to open up to him about everything. Mostly about what had happened between him and Harry, and then he learned about Louis’ dad. That was the harder of the two. Louis couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t tell him what had happened directly. Instead he went with Louis to his therapy sessions he’d been going to for months before Harry left. It was hard to hear Louis sound so broken and lost. It made his heart ache that his best friend had been going through this without him or even Harry for so long. 

Louis had become a bit reclusive and Zayn hated it because it wasn’t who Louis was. It was like he had to remind him that he was here and that he was alive. Louis had quit lying to everyone, he quit hiding and he was making changes he knew he needed to make. Zayn was there for him for it all, when assholes tried to make comments Zayn was there to defend the defeated Louis. 

Graduation came and went and during the summer it felt like Louis wasn’t Louis anymore. Louis was leaving early for school and Zayn said goodbye to him and he hasn’t heard anything other than that he was doing alright from Jay, since. 

As long as he was okay Zayn was okay. It’s not like Zayn may or may not have needed Louis to be there for him just as much. 

 

**THREE YEARS LATER**

Louis’ eyes were drooping during his literature lecture. Eight am was too damn early to listen to his professor drone on about the color of the drapes representing the characters emotions and such. Louis had his massive cup of tea teetering dangerously on the edge of his desk next to his laptop. Finally the lecture was over and he was able to drag himself back to his apartment he shared with his best friend. 

He’d met Liam on his first day of uni. They had multiple classes together and Liam’s kind eyes were hard to say no to. Now, Liam had shed his goofy curls from freshman year and had a shaved head on the sides and only a bit left styled on the top. He had also packed on some muscle and had forced Louis to come along with him to the gym. 

Louis was stuck in a rut for quite a while after coming to uni. Leaving his sisters and his mum was hard enough but being out and just trying to deal with everything was an interesting challenge. Louis had finally gotten help after his mother had confirmed that what Harry had told him was true, it had put him in a dark place and Louis never wanted to be there again. Louis needed to pull himself together before he even remotely tried to mend things with Harry and by the time he thought he was getting closer, Harry had found Jacob and the rest was history. 

There is nothing that Louis regrets more than how he treated Harry. Louis will always struggle with that. He had tried to get in contact with Harry a number of times before he finally realized that Harry would be better off without him. Louis had broken down pretty bad after that almost failing to stay out of the dark place he kept hidden. Finally though he had accepted it and tried to ‘move on’ for a lack of a better phrase. He was still seeing a therapist every couple weeks or so and Louis finally felt like he wasn’t that scared little boy anymore. 

Louis sighed as he climbed the stairs to his apartment and stuck his key in the lock. Liam was in the kitchen humming along to Iggy Azalea and Louis laughed because Liam was anything but, ‘Fancy’. Liam was cooking breakfast because technically it was still morning. Even though Louis knew Liam had already been to the gym and probably did some homework too. Fucking overachiever.

“Hey, Lou! Want some eggs?” Liam was pushing scrambled eggs around in a skillet with a bunch of different veggies.

“Please, tea isn’t exactly breakfast of the champions,” he plopped down at their small table and pulled out his newest book purchase. He should probably be reading books he actually needed to finish for school but being an English major also meant that he was really good at making stuff up about symbolism and all that. 

“Here, eat this too,” Liam handed him a plate of eggs and an apple, “do you work today?” he asked sitting down to eat his own food. Louis didn’t work today but he did on Saturday and Sunday.

“No, not till tomorrow,” Louis said quickly shoveling food into his mouth so he could go back to reading.

“Alright,” Liam finished eating just as quickly as Louis did and they cleaned the dishes before Liam left for class.

When he came back through the door later that afternoon Louis had be lying on the floor in their small room they call the living room. Liam took one look at him spread-eagle surrounded by books and papers and laughed.

“You know Louis, it might be good for you to get out tonight and do something for once. All you do is workout, go to work and school. You need a social life, there’s a nice boy out there somewhere for you,” he added making his way to sit on the couch next to where Louis was laying. Louis had come out to Liam the first week he met him and Liam had shrugged and that was that. Liam would have no problem finding someone, what with his tall stature and shaved head, muscles and puppy dog eyes made girls drool over him. Hell, Louis had even drooled over his looks when he had first met him but then he became his best friend. Now he was just Liam and ew, he’d never be able to stand Liam as a partner. He’d have to do things like eat healthy and work out more than he already does and that’s a stretch. 

Louis picked at pieces of the carpet avoiding his eyes because he really didn’t want to go out tonight. One look at those puppy dog eyes though and Louis caved. 

“Ugh, alright fine, fine I’ll come,” he huffed throwing his arm over his eyes. Leave it to Liam to guilt him into going out again. 

“Great! We’re going to meet up with Niall. He has some friend who just transferred here that he wants us to meet,” he told him and Louis could see his eyes lighting up with excitement. Niall was Liam’s best friend from home and Louis had grown to love the kid like another brother. Though they’d never met Niall’s best friend who he claimed was the greatest person he knew. Louis couldn’t even remember if Niall ever even told them the guy’s name. Apparently the guy worked a lot. 

“If you even try to set me up with someone I’ll kill you,” Louis added before getting up to shower. When Louis got out of the shower Liam was rushing him. If he didn’t Liam knew Louis would be able to convince him to leave him behind. It was a skill. Liam herded Louis to his car though forty minutes later and they parked a few blocks away from the party. 

“Louis seriously let’s go,” Liam whined grabbing Louis’ hand and dragging him towards the house which was clearly hosting the party. People littered the lawn and Louis could already see red cups in the grass. How cliché he thought. Louis wasn’t sure when he had started to feel anxious at parties but once he got to uni he found himself avoiding them more and more. Nothing wrong with having fun, Louis just didn’t like the crowds so much. 

“Let’s find Niall, him and his friends are staying at our place tonight by the way” Liam was already pushing through the crowd phone in hand with directions to where Niall was in the house. Louis was being pushed and shoved and he felt dread creep into his stomach and his throat started to feel a bit tight. Louis grabbed Liam’s hand again and gripped it tight. Liam glanced at him and saw the look on his face and pulled Louis close to him. He always understood but he certainly wouldn’t leave Louis at home all the time either. 

Louis spotted the blonde hair Irishman who was laughing and dancing on the counter with a few girls. This was his usual behavior making Louis laugh. Niall spotted them and hopped down parting the crowd to throw his arms around them.

“You made it!” he shouted and Louis could hear the slight slur to his voice. He pulled back and had a goofy grin on his face. He had on his signature black skinny jeans and cut off which he called his, ‘lady lovers get up’ it was absurd but it was Niall. He looked around a bit confused. 

“Well I don’t know where the lads got off too but let’s get ya two some drinks!” Niall drug them towards the counter that was littered with every kind of alcohol imaginable. Louis had trouble saying no to both Liam and Niall meaning that he took a few more shots than he had planned. 

Liam was pleasantly buzzed and Louis knew he was done drinking. Having only one kidney makes the whole alcohol thing complicated but Liam didn’t let it get to him. He still enjoyed himself greatly at parties dancing with Niall and all the girls throwing themselves at him.

Louis watched and was smiling because his friends were ridiculous. They were currently trying to help each other do keg stands, Niall failing due to his drunken stupor. Niall popped back up from the floor and wiped the beer that dribbled down his chin. He was already smiling but he spotted someone and his eyes went wide with excitement. 

“Nick! Come here!” he shouted across the room and an older dark haired lad came right up to them smiling. He was wearing jeans and clean cut button up but somehow making it look casual. “Nick these are my mates, Louis and Liam!” Louis shook his hand after Nick shook Liam’s. He seemed nice enough and frankly Niall wouldn’t be so enthused if he wasn’t. 

“Nick where’s Ha—ah there he is! Hey curls over here!” Niall was practically beaming. A tall lad had his head down and was moving through the crowd. Someone bumped into Louis and he spilled his drink on his Toms. He looked down and saw the dark color of his liquor staining his white Toms. Damn. Those were his favorite shoes. Across from his feet a large pair of brown boots joined the circle and Louis followed the long lean legs up this guy’s impossibly long and muscular body. His red flannel was only half buttoned up a few chains with a cross on one resting on his tattooed collarbone.

“Guys, this is Harry,” Niall said right as Louis caught a glimpse of the guys face. 

Harry. 

Harry?

Harry was standing right in front of him? Louis breath caught in his throat in recognition. Harry wasn’t the short, cute seventeen year old that he knew with dimples and a bit of baby fat on his cheeks. This guy was tall, probably a good five inches taller than Louis with long wild curly hair. Louis met eyes with the same green eyes he’d known for years and he saw how they changed from confused to cold. Louis choked on air. Harry was here? This was Niall’s friend?

“Do you guys know each other?” Niall interrupted Louis’ daze. He snapped back to look at Niall and kind of nodded his head a bit. 

“Yep. We know each other. Don’t we Louis?” Harry said in a weird mixture of anger but also a laughing tone? 

“I’m just gonna— I need to—bathroom,” Louis stuttered out and ran to the bathroom. He locked himself in there and splashed some water on his face. His hands were shaking slightly. He wanted to talk to Harry. He needed to talk to Harry he just really needed a minute quick. There was a light knock on the door and Louis opened it.

“Hey,” Liam was standing in front of him. “Wanted to make sure you were okay,” he added. Louis was just nodding his head not even sure what was happening.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. Let’s go back downstairs?” They made their way back downstairs and saw they had moved to get more drinks. Harry was smiling and laughing his dimples showing deep in his cheeks. Louis heart was fluttering. 

Harry saw him and Liam coming back and eyed him up a bit. Louis tried not to let the blush spread on his cheeks. Harry handed him a drink and turned back to talk to Nick. Louis for the first time in years felt oddly light. This was good right? They weren’t screaming at each other, Harry wasn’t beating him to a pulp. Louis tried to pay attention to everyone talking around him but all he could see was Harry.

Harry with his long and muscular limbs, the way his hair curled around his ears or the way his dimples filled his no longer chubby cheeks. Girls were eyeing Harry from across the room and Louis wanted to offer them a towel to wipe the drool off their chins. Louis and Harry seemed to be assessing each other and they caught each other staring a few times. It was like they couldn’t actually believe this was happening. 

Hours passed and the party started to calm down. Louis wasn’t eavesdropping. He wasn’t. But he also just happened to hear Nick telling Harry he was going home with someone and Harry asking him, ‘really? Nick come on’ before Nick whispered something else. Louis risked a glance at them and saw Nick leaning in to peck Harry on the lips and nope. Louis didn’t see that. He frantically looked away and tried to contain the resentment he felt. Why would Harry be okay with Nick leaving him? Wasn’t he his boyfriend? Louis gave up when Niall came stumbling in.

Liam was trying to reign in the troops to drive back to their apartment. Niall was piss drunk and Louis had him leaning on his shoulder as they walked to the car. Liam was up ahead to unlock the doors Harry trailing behind him a bit. Louis somehow managed to maneuver Niall into the car but Niall clung to him anyways. 

“Loueeeeee I wanna cuddle,” he whined wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist and putting his head on Louis thigh. Louis laughed and he heard Harry snort from the front seat. 

“Niall you’re not gay. Stop trying to get everyone in bed with you,” he was laughing fondly as he said it though. 

“I may not be gay but I can appreciate an attractive male when I see one. Louis you are simply stunning darling,” Louis was laughing lightly patting Niall’s back.

“Not arguing with that,” Harry said quietly. Louis felt butterflies in his stomach. Did he just hear that right?

“Uh, thanks mate. You should stick to girls though,” Louis told him but Niall was already out cold. The rest of the drive was quiet and Liam took over carrying Niall because despite Louis always working out with Liam he was still smaller and couldn’t carry Niall as dead weight. Liam slung a passed out Niall over his shoulder and fireman carried him up to their apartment where they threw him on the couch and covered him up.

Harry was waiting awkwardly in the doorway as if trying to decide what to do. He was hesitant and Louis felt guilty. He was only unsure of this because Louis was here. 

“You can come inside you know, unless you want to sleep in the hallway?” Louis asked trying to lighten the suddenly heavy feeling between them. Three years is a long time and there was so much left unsaid. So many misunderstandings and hurt feelings and those wouldn’t just go away. Harry gave him a small hesitant smile and came inside closing the door behind him. 

The next issue was where Harry would sleep. Louis figures he could sleep with Liam in his bed but he didn’t know if Harry would even want to sleep in Louis bed even without him in it. 

“Umm you can sleep in my bed if you want, I can sleep with Liam,” Harry seemed to be calculating what he just said and Louis figures he’s had enough to drink to let it slide because he nodded and Louis led him towards his room. 

Thank goodness he’d cleaned up the other day. Now there was only a small pile of laundry and a few jumpers draped over his chair. He quickly scooped everything up in his arms and tossed it onto the chair and turned to where Harry stood quietly waiting in the doorway. His eyes were cast down at the floor and Louis felt his heart plummet because Harry didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be around Louis. He had left for a reason all those years ago. 

“I’ll be in Liam’s room if you need anything,” Louis said quietly and stepped around Harry who didn’t even look at him and Louis’ heart ached. He walked next door to Liam’s room and quickly stripped off his smelly clothes before crawling in under Liam’s arm. 

“Li?” Louis whispered his voice breaking with the fresh tears starting to hit the pillow. 

“Hmmm, Lou what’s wrong?” Liam didn’t open his eyes but tightened his grip around Louis waist and pulled him closer and tucked him under his chin. Louis let fat tears soak Liam’s t-shirt shameless and tried to keep his sobs as quiet as possible. 

“I can’t breathe Li,” Louis said between heavy sobs his breaths coming out in pants now. He reached to grip the spot over his heart out of habit his skin stung where his nails dug in. 

Liam opened his eyes now and started stroking Louis back in a soothing manner. This isn’t the first time he’s had to calm Louis down. 

“Shh, Louis. It’s okay. Come on, just breathe,” he tried pushing the fringe off of Louis’ forehead gently. It made Louis cry harder. 

“Lou, you need to breathe for me. Match ‘em with mine,” Louis was trying, there was a tightness in his chest that was oh so familiar and his heart ached because Harry was in the next room over and it was opening a floodgate of emotions Louis wasn’t ready to deal with. 

After a few more heavy sobs Louis was able to calm his racing heart and frantic breathes enough to not worry Liam. Liam planted a light kiss in Louis hair and pulled his friend into his arms where they both finally fell asleep. 

***

Louis woke up still wrapped up in Liam’s warm arms in the morning. His eyes were sore and puffy from crying and but he felt better after getting some sleep. Liam was breathing even breathes into his hair and Louis felt relaxed almost. The sun was creeping in around the curtains and Louis slowly disentangled himself from Liam’s embrace. The clock read eight am which why Louis was up this early was beyond him but a cup of tea was beckoning him from the kitchen. His sockless feet touched the cold floor and he flinched a bit. He grabbed some of Liam’s clothes that he drowned in but Louis loved their warmth. 

Quietly making his way into the kitchen he saw Niall sleeping on the sofa, mouth wide open with soft snores. Louis chuckled because their couch was Niall’s second home especially on the weekends. Louis started boiling water and pulling out food to make for breakfast setting it out on the counter. Wanting to brush his teeth and wash his face before everyone got up he snuck back down the hallway to the bathroom. 

When he walked down the hallway he noticed that his bedroom door was open. He wanted to shut it before he started cooking not wanting to wake Harry up. When he peeked his head inside the mop of curls wasn’t under the covers, in fact the bed was made and the room was empty. Harry had snuck out last night. Probably uncomfortable with Louis here, Louis didn’t blame him really. That didn’t stop the ache in his chest though. Choosing to ignore it he finished washing up and making breakfast for everyone. 

The smell of bacon coaxed Niall out of his cocoon on the couch and he came and hugged Louis from behind a bit tighter than normal. Niall was never one to push but he was also incredibly intuitive and could tell Louis was in a lousy mood. He too along with Liam had spent his fair share of time learning all the deep dark corners of Louis’ life and when the two stuck around Louis knew he couldn’t have asked to meet two better people. Niall only let go to grab a plate to pile it high with eggs and bacon. Liam came in shortly after opting for fruit and oatmeal and Louis gave him a look that said, ‘you’re crazy’ for passing up bacon and eggs. Oh well more for him. They spent the rest of the morning piled on the couch together shamelessly watching cartoons. Eventually Louis would have to drag himself to work and a hot shower was in order. 

“Lou?” Liam had snuck in and was talking to him through the shower curtain. Louis didn’t answer because he knew what was coming. “Do you think you should take one?” Louis could hear the hesitation in his voice and he knew Liam didn’t want to push it but he was also worried.

The pills that he used to rely on heavily to keep him afloat sat behind the unopened toothpaste in the cabinet. Louis had made progress over the past three years, weaning himself off of them down to an as needed basis. He was proud of that and he didn’t want to rely on them anymore.

“I don’t need them Li,” he told him through the shower curtain glad Liam couldn’t see his face. Really, he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts!? Niall and Liam have arrived! Also I was scared to post this chapter. Sat in my drafts for almost two weeks


	16. I'm a Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a Mess by Ed Sheeran is wonderful for this chapter. 
> 
> P.S. I make up facts here and there so if something isn't accurate its because I didn't want it to be (:

Louis was getting his morning coffee on Monday. It was a regular thing for him to visit Liam at the uni’s coffee shop where he worked. Today, Louis’ luck just kept getting worse because in his frumpy haze of trying to get to class he saw him. The mess of unruly brown curls was waiting at the end of the counter for his drink while chatting with Liam. 

Nervously, Louis shuffled towards the counter and Liam smiled when he noticed Louis finally. Harry gave him a small smile and Louis’ heart fluttered. Louis felt dread creep into his stomach though because hadn’t Harry snuck out the other day to avoid him? Louis froze because he was afraid. Afraid of this Harry not being the sweet Harry he knew and fell in love with. What if this Harry wasn’t even able to be his Harry? What if he was someone else's Harry?

All these thoughts were swirling around in his head as he stood rooted to the spot. His chest felt tight and Liam was eyeing him carefully and slowly moving towards him behind the counter. 

“Morning Lou,” Liam spoke to him carefully and slowly and Louis knew that Liam could tell something was going on. Louis at least was standing close to the register making him look less like a freak who couldn’t move in the middle of a coffee shop. 

A hand dropped to his shoulder and Louis visible jumped out of his skin and what felt like ten feet to the left. Harry stood looking at him wide eyed and frightened his hand still half stuck out in the air. 

“Ah, sorry you scared the wits out of me. Morning Liam,” Louis tried to recover any sense dignity he had left. “Large tea please,” he asked grabbing some money from his pocket. Liam was eyeing him and he could literally feel holes being burned into his back from Harry’s stare. When he turned to leave Harry was still waiting for him. 

“Walk with me?” He was fiddling with the lid on his coffee cup and was barely making eye contact with Louis. 

“Sure, I’m headed towards Foell Hall, hope that’s okay,” Louis added remembering that he actually had class to go to. 

“Yeah, that’s fine I’m headed that way anyway,” Harry gave a head nod to motion Louis towards the door. 

They walked in an awkward silence and Louis kept adjusting his too big sweater to tuck into the top of his belt. His hands were shaking slightly because, what was he supposed to say? I’m sorry I was a horrible excuse for a human being? I finally figured out that I was, _am_ in love with you? Oh by the way I spent the last three years in therapy and heavily sedated? Louis’ tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he managed to open and close it trying to say something, anything really but he couldn’t seem to get anything out. Harry finally broke the uncomfortable silence between the two boys. 

“I went to my dad’s you know, after everything with Jacob,” Harry told him as they shuffled their way across campus. Louis couldn’t meet his eyes and nodded slightly to acknowledge he’d heard. Louis felt a tiny bit of peace of mind filling the gap of where Harry was and then all he could think was, ‘why did he never come back?’ His heart stuttered because it was his fault he’d left in the first place. 

“He had been offering for years, wanted to spend more time with me. I thought it was the right thing to do,” Louis could feel Harry hesitantly glancing at him trying to gauge his reaction. Louis tried to school his expression into something somewhat blank but he wasn’t sure if it was working.

“I didn’t know where you went. Anne ah—your mom wouldn’t tell me,” Louis finally was able to answer, “You never came back so I never got a chance to say _Iwassorry_ ,” Louis stuttered out quickly. Finding enough courage to look up at Harry who had halted besides him he saw confusion in the way his brows were drawn together and maybe a hint of anger? His eyes were narrowed in a way that made Louis squirm. 

“You?—no. Just no,” Harry said and Louis could see his cheeks flush in anger his muscles tensing visibly in front of Louis. 

“I…uh—I’m ah,” Louis tried but his throat felt tight. His hands were shaking before but now his entire body felt like it was trembling. Louis never got to answer thought because Harry was already ten feet ahead of him walking away angrily. Louis deserved that. 

Saying sorry really wouldn’t change anything. 

With trembling hands he made his way to class and suddenly his sweater didn’t feel warm anymore. 

***  
Kristine Fenn had been Louis’ therapist for the past three years. She knew him better than he knew himself and she could tell something was off when he was quietly sitting on her couch when he usually would be chattering away about his daily life. 

“Louis, talk,” she simply said and that’s all it took.

“Do you remember me talking about my best friend from back home? The one that left, that I was in love with but I was in the closet, etc. etc.? Well I went to a party, yes I know ‘yay Louis that’s good you are going out with your friends’ but when I got there Harry was there,” Louis was talking really quickly but there was a lot to say, except there was only a few words that could describe the current status of their relationship. “He hates me,” Louis said grimly. “I don’t blame him but I still don’t want him to hate me,”

“Yes, I remember. You have to remember that he was hurting too and it is not easy to forgive quickly for some people but the fact that he is acting out means he still cares in some way even if it isn’t the emotion you want from him right now,” she told him in her professional tone that Louis sometimes hated. The room was small and lined with bookshelves and Louis used the pictures and posters hanging all over the walls as distractions and easy ways to avoid eye contact when he didn’t want her to read his emotions in his eyes. 

“It’s hard. I’m not sure how to act around him anymore. One second he is civil and almost nice and the next he’s cold and angry, it…it almost reminds me of my dad sometimes,” Louis was struggling to talk now. Anything involving his father terrified him. 

“Louis,” she scolded him lightly, “Harry is not your father, your father had a number of issues of his own and what he did to you wasn’t right. We have talked about this, you did not deserve any of that no matter what he said,” She was giving Louis her gentle but stern, ‘you know I’m right’ look and Louis tried to feel what she was telling him was true.

***

It was FIFA night at the apartment which consisted of too much beer and things made of cheese and grease. Louis loved it.  
It meant that he didn’t have to go out but they still all had a good time. Not to mention that Louis usually dominated everyone. To prove his point he was currently playing Niall and was winning three to one at eighty minutes. 

“Hey I invited Harry, Nick and some other mates if you don’t mind,” Niall told them after throwing the controller in a mini tantrum. He was stuffing a piece of pizza in his mouth as he spoke and Louis felt a tiny bit of hope mixed with dread flutter and sink in his stomach all at once. Harry had stormed off last time and Louis really wanted the chance to talk to him. Kristine had made him feel like he needed to talk to Harry and at least try and clear the air. 

“Yeah that’s cool,” Liam told him dishing out pizza neatly on plates to everyone ignoring Niall’s grabby hands. There was a light knock on the door and Niall jumped up to get it Pizza crust still hanging out of his mouth. 

“My boys!” he shouted answering the door. Louis was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and could only see the familiar mop of curly hair coming in through the door. Louis felt his heart flutter, his nervousness was back and in full swing. 

Harry didn’t even look his way. He sat next to Nick on the other couch showing each other things on their phones when they weren’t playing. Louis tried to catch Harry’s eyes, he tried to start conversations with everyone but whatever Louis said Harry and Nick would quickly shut down the conversation and go back to their phones. Louis was frustrated to say the least. He didn’t like Nick as it was and this was only making it worse. After a few beers and aimless chatter there was another knock on the door. Niall’s grin spread amicably across his face and he was tripping over his feet to get the door. 

“Niall who is it? I thought everyone was here?” Liam asked watching curiously as Niall tripped on the edge of the rug to get to the door. 

Louis was still pressing buttons on his game when their guest came in. It was only when Louis turned around to meet the guy was when his heart dropped. The familiar olive skin with dark hair that was styled differently but it was still 100% Zayn Malik standing in front of them. Zayn Malik was standing in front of them and it took Louis what felt like hours to process this information. Zayn looked thin his clothes hanging off of him and Louis noticed the nasty bruises covering his face and the bandages wrapped around his hands. 

“Za—Zayn?” Louis stuttered out his beer almost slipping out of his hands in surprise. Zayn’s eyes scanned the room and they grew wider when he noticed the company that Niall kept. When they landed on Louis and Harry his eyes went wider before he schooled his features into a blank look. 

“Wait, Zayn? You’re Niall’s friend?” Liam was already standing up looking at them both and he noticed the look on Louis’ face. He carefully eyed everyone and Louis saw that Harry wore a similar expression of surprise and confusion.

Louis was so confused. Zayn knew Niall? Zayn went to school here? Liam knew Zayn? Louis thought he was going to be sick and he looked over at Harry who was frozen in place staring at Zayn with wide frightened eyes now. Zayn ran a hand threw his quiff and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly wincing when he put too much pressure on his bandaged hand. Niall’s expression was priceless his face was screwed up into confusion causing his eyes to narrow and his face had that, ‘what the hell look,’ that could almost be funny if this wasn’t so insanely weird.

“Uh guys this is me mate Zayn,” he told them trying to read their faces and see why everyone was acting so weird.

“We’ve met.” Zayn said quietly, “I know them,” he added telling Niall with a grim look on his face. 

“Good to see you, Harry. Louis,” he nodded to both of them with a tight smile. 

“Liam,” Zayn added as an after-thought but it came off a bit softer. “Thanks for the invite Niall but I think maybe I should go,” Zayn stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to leave. Louis couldn’t seem to get past the dark black and blue bruises that littered Zayn’s body. His crazy protective nature he harbored kicked in and he was on his feet in seconds, beer forgotten. 

“Wait! Zayn!” he was following Zayn to the door trying to reach out for his arm but when he grabbed him to stop him he noticed Zayn wince but try to seem unaffected. 

“What the hell happened?” it all that Louis could think of to say. That was a start right? Zayn snorted and took his arm back rubbing it where Louis had grabbed. Harry, Liam and Niall had all came up behind them and were trying to figure out what the hell just happened. 

“Nice of you to ask but that really isn’t any of your business is it?” The ice in Zayn’s tone stung but once again Louis definitely deserved it. He was heavily drugged and not in his right state of mind when he left for school, although Zayn didn’t know that but the fact that they had lost touch had been entirely Louis’ fault. 

“Zayn please,” Harry asked behind him and Louis could see the mirrored concern on all their faces. 

“Ah you too, _mate_ ,” Zayn cocked his head to the side in a smug manner, “been a while hasn’t it,” Zayn had a tight smile, “Thanks Niall but I’m going to head out,” he turned to Niall and glanced at Liam one last time before leaving quickly. 

Once the door closed they all looked at each other everyone wearing the same confused and hurt expression. It was Harry who spoke first,

“You didn’t know Zayn went here?” He asked with spiteful curiosity.

“I didn’t actually,” Louis answered quietly. 

“How Louis? You were friends!” Harry was starting to raise his voice. 

“You know nothing,” Louis said tightly the hurt in his tone evident. Harry was glaring at him now his arms spread out wide in an aggressive manner.

“What don’t I know Louis? It sounds to me that apparently you alienated Zayn,” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Harry,” Louis said with a bit more anger than he would ever use because frankly Harry had no idea what he was talking about.

“It sounds like you were an asshole to yet another one of your best mates, making it a habit huh Louis? Sounds vaguely familiar doesn’t it?” Harry had on a mean smirk because he knew what he was doing. That knowledge didn’t stop Louis from visibly recoiling from his words. Louis had to physically take a step back fear was clawing its way up his throat blocking any air from reaching his lungs. He knew his eyes were wide and glassy.

“You know Harry, you were the one who left first. You have no idea what happened after you left and you have no right to act like you know because you don’t,” Louis said shaking his head and backing away like a frightened animal. It hurt that his two best mates hated him and his carefully constructed walls were crumbling around him. 

“Woah woah guys—,” Niall was stepping between the two of them but Harry didn’t stop there.

“No, Niall. This is between me and Louis. Do they know why I left in high school Louis? Did he tell you guys about the bullying and the cheating? Did he tell you, him and his friends made me hate myself? Because Louis, you sure as hell made me hate you much more than I hated myself,” Harry spat at him and that was the breaking point. 

Louis couldn’t even imagine what he looked like right now because his entire body had shut down. Harry’s words pierced his heart like daggers twisting in slow agonizing circles that never ended. He was gritting his teeth and he knew there had to be tears in his eyes whether he realized it or not. 

“I know,” is what Louis said before quickly retreating into his room. He clicked his door closed quietly and he only managed to turn around before his knees buckled. They hit the floor hard and it sent a jolt of pain up his spine but Louis honestly could care less. He felt sick to his stomach with anxiety. Harry was right. Niall and Liam would listen to what Harry said and leave him too. Louis would be completely alone. It caused a wave of nausea to roll through him and next thing he knew he was running to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach. Louis could hear muffled shouts of an argument through the door his head resting on the cool tile. 

He was broken. Every fear Louis had in high school he had been able to manage and had been trying to overcome, yet a few harsh realities from Harry and he was borderline fetal vomiting everything he had left. His breathing was coming out in broken pants and all he could think about was the hidden pills behind the toothpaste. How only they could numb this kind of deep and intense pain that ripped through him. He needed them whether he wanted to or not. 

Desperation to escape the hurt that was destroying him one word at a time had pushed Louis over and completely off the edge. Sluggishly pulling himself up by the corner of the counter he managed to rifle through the medicine cabinet to find the bottle of small pills he knew would save him. 

One was precaution.

Two was for tough times.

Three was border line too much and exactly what Louis needed. He popped three pills in his mouth and washed them down with a mouthful of sink water before pitifully crawling and cocooning himself under his duvet. He ignored the persistent knocks of his friends voicing their concerns and let the drug haze of numbness bring on a fitful sleep. 

***  
Liam had managed to unlock his door last night and was now curled up on the other side of his bed when Louis woke up. Harry’s angry face plagued and then Zayn’s hurt one. Louis knew he had to fix things so he slowly pulled himself out from under the duvet careful not to wake Liam.

Dragging his lethargic body into the shower was a challenge but the hot water cascading down his back helped soothe his anxious nerves and aching muscles. He dressed quickly and made his way to the campus’s main office. Louis had worked there for his first two years organizing paperwork and such and his boss Dianna in particular was always willing to help him. 

Opening the door he saw the familiar desk accompanied by piles of paperwork, computers and files of incoming and prospective students. Dianna was faced the other way trying to ease a stack of files down without spilling them all over the floor and Louis rushed over to help. He grabbed half the stack out of her arms and she smiled at him.

“Well good morning Louis, haven’t seen you for a while, how have you been?” she asked excitedly. Louis smiled because he had always enjoyed Dianna’s company. 

“I need a huge favor,” he asked biting his lip nervously. 

“Yes alright what is it?” she responded a bit unsure of what it would be.

“I just need an address of one of my friends from home that goes here,” he started and she looked at him skeptically. “We just met up the other day and he left his phone and I need to return it but I have no idea where he lives,” Louis pleaded. Not entirely true but he really need the address. Dianna sighed loudly but started making her way to the computer,

“Who is it?” Louis hugged her quickly.

“Thank you, I owe you a huge coffee and breakfast sometime. His name is Zayn Malik,” he told her sitting down in the chair next to hers. She began typing his name in and filtering through files, there was only one Zayn Malik and Louis glanced at his profile. 

“Hmm interesting,” she was scrolling down and Louis was familiar enough with the software that the information displayed made him feel uneasy.

For starters he was claimed as independent. Louis always thought his parents were paying for his college? Secondly he didn’t have either of his parents listed as his emergency contacts, in fact, Niall Horan was the only person listed under his emergency contacts. Louis was taken aback by that. Had something happened to Zayn’s parents? There’s no way, his mum would have known and told him. Louis grabbed a post it note and scribbled down the address listed before thanking Dianna again and heading out to find Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is super nice(:


	17. Scattered Sketches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow this just came flowing out of me. Hope you like it xx

It took Louis longer than he thought to find Zayn’s off campus apartment. It was on the outskirts and then even farther out. Upon first glance it looks closed down but when Louis got closer he could see the old school charm the building has, the large wrought iron fence looked nice with vines growing up it. 

There was no buzz in on the front door and Louis just walked in and up the six floors to Zayn’s. When he got there he stood in front of the door for a few moments, how long had it been since he’d see Zayn before yesterday? It had been years.

Years since he left Zayn to leave early for school. Years without so much as a thank you for helping Louis through the toughest time of his life. No thank you for being there and always putting Louis’ needs first. Louis owed him more than he thought he could ever repay. Swallowing his fear he knocked quietly at first but when no one answered Louis knocked again more loudly the knuckle wraps echoing through the hallway. 

Finally Louis heard footsteps and the door cracked open a bleary eyed Zayn stood on the other side in rumpled and paint stained clothes. When Zayn realized it was Louis at his door his eyes narrowed.

“Hey Zayn, I was hoping we could talk?” Louis was shuffling awkwardly around watching Zayn carefully. 

“Sure, I’ve got work in an hour though,” Zayn added hesitantly opening the door wide enough to let Louis step through.  
Louis followed Zayn into his tiny apartment it had high beamed ceilings and exposed brick giving it the artistic feel that fit Zayn so well. Not to mention it was cluttered with art supplies laying everywhere. 

“Do you want tea? Or Water? That’s about all I’ve got,” Zayn told him while clearing off some sketches from the counter to make room. 

“Tea would be nice,” Louis sat at one of the stools watching Zayn as he grabbed cups and filled up the kettle. Louis was using this time to inspect Zayn’s bruises again. They were a dark purple with a hint of green-yellow edging meaning that they must be healing. 

“Zayn, what happened to your face mate? Please don’t lie to me. I know I don’t deserve anything from you but I can’t just let this one go,” Zayn had paused in the kitchen back turned to Louis midway through turning on the burner for tea. 

“I work at a bar, some asshole got a bit rowdy,” Zayn said casually like it was nothing continuing to set the kettle up on the stove. “How I met Liam actually,” he added. Zayn finally turned around and Louis looked and him, really looked at him. He could see the dark circles under his eyes and how they had dulled out slightly. The way his hair was messy and un-kept and frankly how thin he was. 

“Long story for another time I guess,” The kettle was boiling and Zayn turned back around to fill too steaming cups with water and tea bags. 

“Zayn I—I’m so sorry for just leaving, I would never really be able to explain why I did but I did and I shouldn’t have,” Zayn came around the counter and set two cups of tea down. Louis couldn’t bring himself to look Zayn in the eyes afraid of the cold eyes he might find. What he wasn’t expecting was Zayn wrapping his arms around his shoulders tightly. Louis whole body was taunt like a bow string but Zayn only gripped him tighter. 

Louis jumped out of the chair letting it tumble behind him and hugged Zayn back with equal ferocity that they stumbled a bit. They were clinging to each other tightly and Louis buried his head in the crook of his best friend’s neck. Zayn was never a man of many words and this was all Louis needed to know that he was forgiven. Somehow it conveyed to Louis way more than Zayn had probably intended to tell him.Reluctantly Louis pulled back and set the stool back upright to sit down and drink his tea.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to?” He asked taking his mug in two hands. 

“Well, I’m an art student now,” Zayn sat down and smiled back at him brightly. Louis felt his heart swell as the tension between the two evaporated. No matter what happened they'd be there for each other.

***

Liam is a horrible friend. Louis came to that conclusion after his fifth shot was burning its way down his throat. His head felt heavy but his mind was buzzing. It was too much with the music of the club pounding around them. Marrin’s Bar was packed and this was Louis’ first time here the unfamiliarity of it all making him jumpy, the only thing easing his mind was knowing Zayn was working somewhere in back. They had chatted up until Zayn had to go to his other job teaching art classes. A lot had changed since they had last talked. Louis had gone home and the week had passed quickly. Like clockwork, the weekend had rolled around and Liam had somehow made Louis feel guilty enough into coming out and ‘keeping him company’ even though he’d already wandered off.  
Niall and Liam bobbed around talking to people from campus that they knew while Louis sat back in their booth with Harry and Nick. Oh the joy. They were chatting happily and Nick had his arm around Harry’s waist. It made something painful twist in his stomach and he thought his drinks might come back up. He wrapped a protective arm around his stomach and tried his best to be interested in his phone. 

Harry grabbed Nick’s hand and drug him out to the dance floor laughing and that was the last straw for Louis. His heart clenched in his chest and he quickly got up to leave making his way towards the door. He needed air, he desperately needed fresh air. Harry’s smiling face was haunting him because he was achingly beautiful and he hated Louis but apparently in a civil way because he was almost always around now a days. 

They hadn’t spoken a word since the his apartment though, in fact he barely acknowledge that Louis existed and when he did the ice in his voice and cold glares forced Louis to leave not wanting anyone to see the tears welling in his eyes. After getting outside Louis felt the cool night breeze blow right through his thin shirt and he shivered. It felt good and the sting on his cheeks helped cool his overheating body. His nerves finally calmed down and he knew Niall and Liam would freak when they found out he’d left. Slowly peeling himself off the wall he slipped back inside simply to grab his jacket and let someone know he needed to go home. 

Louis was walking back to his table avoiding looking at the dance floor when he heard his name being shouted from behind him. He whirled around to see who it was and Thomas his friend from his English lecture was waving at him and fighting through the crowd towards him.

“Louis! Hey mate, didn’t think you’d be here,” He was smiling but Louis could hear the deeper meaning behind his words. 

“My mate drug me here, didn’t really have a choice. In fact I was just leaving,” he added turning around to grab his jacket.

“Come on Lou, you can’t leave yet. It’s still early!” he was shouting loudly over the music. Louis bit his lip because he really wanted to leave but Thomas was constantly asking him to come out with him and hangout. Two birds with one stone really, he was already here anyways.

“Alright, one drink and you sir are buying,” Louis told him with a smug smirk. 

Surprisingly, Thomas placed a light hand on Louis’ back to guide him through the crowd and it felt nice. They waited close to the bar for their drinks fighting off the crowd pushing them closer together until Thomas was close enough to whisper in his ear and draped a heavy arm over his shoulders. 

It made Louis feel a bit uneasy and he really hoped Thomas couldn’t read it on his face because it was nice really, just was a bit weird. Thomas was attractive but he was a better friend. Louis was looking at his shoes while Thomas grabbed their drinks thankful that Thomas needed his arm back. Thomas turned back to him with a mischievous smile and handed Louis his rather large shot with a mixed chaser. Letting his nerves get the best of him Louis downed both quickly and clenched his teeth as they burned down his throat and warmed his belly. 

He managed a small smile as Thomas did the same. 

The club felt packed way beyond capacity. It was hot and smelly and there was sweaty bodies pushing up from all sides. Louis felt as if a cloud had covered his brain. He was confused and the only thing holding him firm from drifting away was Thomas’s painfully tight grip on his hips as they swayed. Louis couldn’t figure out when they started dancing. His eyes felt blurry and he couldn’t figure out what he was doing. His body was moving on its own and Louis felt weirdly detached. Did he have too much to drink? The last drinks must have been stronger than he thought because frankly he could barely keep himself standing. Next thing he knew Thomas was dragging him towards the exit of the club and Louis couldn’t keep up. He was tripping and his legs felt like lead blocks slowing him down. Thomas’ grip on his wrist was painful and Louis tried to pull back but simply kept bumping into the crowd around him unable to muster enough strength to fight back. 

“Thomas plea—,” he tried to shout but his tongue was heavy in his mouth and his brain felt even fuzzier than before making the people around him blur together. The music pounded and his ears were ringing loudly. Hopefully Thomas was bringing his drunk ass home. That was his hope at least. 

Unfortunately that wasn’t Thomas’ intentions because he was being pushed up against the wall of the side hallway in the club and Thomas’ tongue was now in his mouth. It was messy and Louis was trying to push back because he didn’t want this. His back hurt from the brick wall and Louis tried to use his limp body weight to push Thomas away but Thomas gripped Louis biceps tighter and Louis whimpered in pain. Thomas on the other hand took that as a cue to kiss him harder because his body molded to Louis’ and Louis couldn’t move. His fight was gone and he felt the last of his energy keeping him standing fade out. If Thomas were to step back Louis would fall over. 

The kiss was anything but pleasant. It was messy and Louis wanted nothing more than for it to stop. He was whimpering and he slumped into Thomas’ arms when he pulled back. Tears escaped his eyes. He was scared now while his body was betraying him.

Thomas was heaving him up into his arms and Louis didn’t want to go with him but his body had shut down. His feet were about to leave the ground when he was suddenly dropped to the floor his limp body hitting hard on the concrete. He tried to locate the commotion above him but all he could manage was a turn of the head where he saw a pair of familiar boots that belonged to Liam. 

Thank goodness. Louis let his head lull to the side and he let his eyes close when they became too heavy to hold open. Hands were brushing off the fringe plastered to his forehead. He felt too cold to be this sweaty but his shirt was sticking to him uncomfortably. A pair of arms scooped him up easily and he was being whisked away from the club the pounding music growing faint as the seconds passed.  
His eyes felt glued shut but he had to make sure it wasn’t Thomas carrying him, these arms that encircled him felt calming and warm but he had to be sure. Peeling his eyes open his vision was still blurry and he could faintly make out dark hair and a flannel, must be Liam. Louis let his eyes close again and sag into Liam’s embrace. Louis felt as if he was dreaming. This couldn’t be real right? It could have been seconds or hours but Louis was placed lightly on his knees on the cool tiles in their bathroom. Strong arms stayed around his middle and he was pulled snugly into some ones chest as they squatted behind him. They were warm and a hand was rubbing soothing circles on the side of his ribs. It sent shivers through him. Louis felt infinitely worse though when he realized that he was vomiting. His body ached and he felt tears streaming down him face. 

“Liam,” he was sobbing in between heaves, “Liam it hurts,” he cried clutching the toilet in front of him. 

“Liam,” he let out an agonizing sob slumping into Liam’s embrace. He could hear muffled whispers in the room with him but his ears still felt clogged and everything was muffled. Louis was panting now after his current wave of vomiting had stopped. His chest felt tight and his stomach ached along with the rest of his body. 

“Liam, where’s Harry? I need Harry, please you have to find him,” Louis choked out resting his head back into the crook of Liam’s neck his eyes still closed tight. 

“He hates me Li, he hates me and I still love him. He left me Li, I needed him and he left me too,” Louis let out another agonizing sob and started struggling to breath, his face got hot and he let another round of heaves envelop his body. The body behind him was tense but then the arms wrapped tightly around his waist when he was done and sat back. 

“He doesn’t hate you, he never hated” the voice that should sound more like Liam said behind him. Louis couldn’t focus though because his body was too heavy to move and he felt his consciousness slipping away quickly.

His clothes were being peeled off and he jolted a bit when he felt the warm water hit him. Was he in the shower? He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes but he was resting against Liam’s chest warm water running in rivulets down his body. It was soothing the chills that had plagued him and he cuddled back trying to envelop himself in the comfort of body behind him.

He was being lifted gently and towels were drying him off before he felt the familiar softness of the sheets in his bed. He curled into a tight ball trying to protect himself because he was so tired he could do nothing else. 

“I love him Li, I’ve always loved him and it's _destroying_ me,” he cried letting tears hit his pillow. His heart clenched painfully before exhaustion finally took over and Louis passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Louis are so cute. As for the rest guahh what am I doing these things just keep happening but for a good reason (;


	18. 'You Cold?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its my birthday today and in honor of that a chapter full of fluff <3 eeeekkkk!

When Louis woke up he felt as if a train had hit him. The night before was a compete blur except for a few fuzzy memories here and there. The one that stood out the most was Thomas shoving his tongue down Louis’ throat. Even the thought made Louis cringe. 

The bed was cold and his heavy duvet that normal cocooned Louis was thrown on the floor in a heap. Louis shifted in his bed feeling the uncomfortable way his sweaty clothes clung to him. His hair was greasy and he still felt the familiar roll of nausea curling deep in his belly and it forced Louis to throw the covers off and sprint towards the bathroom to relieve a bit more of last night by vomiting despite his empty stomach. 

He felt bone deep chills and his entire body was trembling when he was finished he wiped his mouth before resting back against the tub. Louis’ legs felt too weak to get back up and he contemplated crawling to his bed when another round of vomiting snuck up on him. Yepp. Louis felt like he was going to die. His throat burned and his head throbbed. He tried to curl up in a ball to conserve warmth praying Liam would find him soon and maybe carry him back to his bed. Louis was lying on the floor trying to use the small rug as protection against the cold tiles when he heard the door opening. Eyes still glued closed Louis was about to start spewing thanks until he opened his eyes. 

And then he really just started wishing he would die. Soon. Really, really soon. Preferably now. 

Harry stood in the door eyes furrowed and curls standing up all which way. He had on trackies and a large hoodie making him look soft and for once his eyes held concern instead of their usual iciness. 

“I heard you get up, you okay?” he asked and Louis felt ill again. He wasn’t sure if it was from whatever he had to drink last night or the fact that Harry was here seeing him like this. “Louis? Are you okay?” Harry asked crouching down next to Louis who had somehow managed to push himself up into a sitting position resting against the wall.

“Peachy,” Louis croaked out trying to stay as far away from Harry as possible he was probably as disgusting as he felt. Louis flinched when he felt Harry’s hand pushing the matted greasy hair off his forehead and placing the back of his hand lightly to check his temp. 

“You cold?” he asked his voice laced with sincerity and honestly Louis was confused. Harry hated him and they’d hardly spoken to each other since they’d met again. Louis wasn’t even entirely sure why he was here. Still skeptical about when the kindness would end Louis simply nodded because he was and all he wanted was to go back to bed for an eternity. Before he could protest Harry was pulling his sweatshirt off and forcing Louis into it by pulling it over his head. It was warm and it smelled like Harry. Louis was drowning in it, the sleeves covering his hands and really Louis wanted to cry, from embarrassment but mostly from the familiarity and the ache in his heart. 

Harry was crouched almost between Louis’ legs, his face close enough that Louis could feel Harry’s warm breath. His eyes were wide and pleading and Louis was lost in the familiar green eyes he had grown up loving. These eyes looking at him were the ones he knew, the ones that were there for him when Daisy was hurt, the ones that were there for him after his dad had come. They were the deep green eyes full of kindness and warmth that Louis had fallen in love with. The eyes that haunted him and brought him comfort throughout the years were looking at him, really looking at him and Louis’ heart must have stopped because he couldn’t breathe. 

“Lou?” Louis head snapped up and away from Harry to see Liam standing in the door. “You alright?” he was coming in and Harry had already scrambled up and as far away from Louis as he could get in the tiny bathroom. 

“Yeah Li, I’m okay. I just got sick a bit,” Liam’s eyes grew twice there size and he crouched in front of Louis pressing his hand to his forehead and searching his face. “I’m going to kill him, I really truly am,” Liam was mumbling and Louis was confused again. Liam must have noticed Louis frantic look because he flipped his switch again and back was the calm concerned Liam. 

“We think that Thomas may have drugged you Louis,” Liam told him solemnly and Louis could sense the tension in his shoulders and the way his hands fisted unknowingly. Louis glanced behind him to where Harry was standing frigid against the door frame. Louis was frozen in place. Drugged? Thomas had drugged him? For some reason Louis couldn’t wrap his head around it but it made sense why one drink had caused the cloud to cover his mind. 

“Sh-Shit Liam,” Louis stuttered out. 

“Do you remember anything that happened last night?” Liam shifted back to sit on his heels.

“Bits and pieces, I was going to leave and I ran into Thomas. We had one drink and I didn’t realized how much I had, had to drink and got too drunk. Next thing I know Thomas’ tongue is down my throat you were there to get me and I got sick I think,” Louis was rambling trying to piece together the whole night but coming up short after about halfway through. It was like a hazy dream and he couldn’t really see things or faces or much more than knowing he was being moved.

“You remember me?” Liam asked.

“Yeah you got me from Thomas,” Louis was trying to remember more of the fight but he couldn’t.

“Yeah, I saw Thomas pulling you to leave and I wanted to check in with you first,” Liam had a look of disgust on his face. 

“Yeah, Liam was pretty livid,” Harry said chiming in from his corner. “I was with Nick and we saw you and Thomas leaving and then Liam going after you,” Louis’ heart clenched because Harry had seen him but hadn’t done anything. Couldn’t he tell Louis was struggling, because Louis knew for a fact that he could barely walk last night much less anything else. That makes sense why Harry was here in their apartment though, he had to pull Liam off Thomas and make sure they got home and such. He had helped, just not for Louis’ sake.

“Right,” Louis shifted wrapping arms around his middle. He was suddenly exhausted and his eyes ached to close. 

“Common let’s get you back in bed,” Liam was helping pull him up by his bicep enough to wrap his other arm around his waist. Louis was walking but Liam was lifting him almost off his feet down the hall. Louis fell ungracefully onto the bed and pulled the duvet up and around his head.

“Can you stay with me Li?” he mumbled quietly into the pillow not really sure if Liam could even hear him through the blanket. 

“I would Lou but I’ve got work soon,” Liam sighed patting his head through the duvet. Louis just hummed in disappointment because he was cold still despite the heavy weight of his blanket and Liam blistering warmth sound amazing right now. “I’ll be back later, okay? Call me if you need me,” Liam said before quietly leaving and closing the door. 

***

Louis jolted awake to a warm body wrapped around him. Large hands were spread wide under his sweatshirt and across his tummy, the fingers pressing into him gently. It was familiar, the way the body engulfed him completely, their warmth seeping into his chilled bones. Hair tickled his ear where he was tucked under there chin and Louis tensed. The only person it could be was Harry. Louis shifted to turn over and he was tucked tighter under their chin, his face resting on his chest. The slow steady beat of Harry heart made Louis shutter. Was this a dream? If not what the hell. 

Pulling back slightly trying to not wake Harry in the process Louis lightly tried to pick up his arm and move it but Harry jerked awake. He pulled back suddenly uncertainty crossing his face.

“What—” Louis started to ask but Harry cut him off.

“Liam asked me to stay, to keep an eye on you to make sure you were okay and everything and when I walked by you were kind of whimpering. You must have been cold because you were trembling and I put a second blanket on to help but it didn’t. I didn’t know what else to do, uh— I’m sorry if this is awkward,” Harry ranted quickly and Louis melted. His bone deep aches were gone and his trembling was reduced to light shivers here and there. He did feel a bit better truly. 

“It’s okay, just don’t know why you would want to help me is all,” Louis shifted tucking himself back into his pillow to hide. 

“What—seriously Louis, you actually believe I’d be happy that you were drugged and taken advantage of I can’t even—god damnit Louis!” Harry was pissed. Louis could feel the way his body tensed and the tone to his voice made Louis curl into himself. “Maybe I should just go if that’s what you think of me,” Harry started shifting to get out of bed swinging his legs over the side. Louis with his face still buried in his pillow reached his arm out to grab Harry’s t-shirt. He held it tight in his fist unwilling to let Harry go again after fighting. It was getting exhausting the constant fighting and hurt feelings. 

“Please don’t leave,” Louis pleaded with Harry desperate to stop the constant ache in his heart. Harry said nothing. Instead he shifted back and Louis felt the bed dip next to him. Hesitant arms wrapped back around him and Louis sighed tucking himself under Harry’s chin once again. Ignoring anything that had happened between them before and everything that needed to be said they just stayed wrapped up together Louis soaking up Harry’s never ending warmth until he fell asleep. 

Louis woke up again later that day around four pm. Feeling better despite the empty bed next to him. There was a lukewarm cup of tea on the table next to the bed with a short note,

_Had work, sorry I left without waking you.  
Harry _

It made Louis feel okay about being left alone, the fact that his tea was exactly how he liked it, made him feel infinitely warmer. Stretching out his stiff limbs Louis got up and showered and got dressed in fresh clothes. And if he slid Harry’s sweatshirt on again then no one had to know. 

***

The library was quieter than usual. Louis had managed to avoid everyone’s concerned hovering the past couple days by hiding out in his secret spot tucked into the back of the library. He had found it his first year after all the tables had been full. It was a stroke of luck that the door was unlocked and he had stuck a piece of tape over the lock so he could keep coming back. 

Louis had been reading and enjoying the peace when the familiar mop of curls walked past the door, paused and then came back to peek through the window. A small smile formed on Louis’ lips when Harry noticed him. He looked flustered his cheeks pink from the chilly wind outside his bag slung over his shoulder. Louis wasn’t sure if they had finally decided to stop fighting yet but when Harry smiled back at him he knew they at least had made some progress. The door creaked as it opened and Harry hesitantly came in through the door. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Harry asked setting his backpack down on the floor and sitting in the open chair on the other side of the table. 

“Fine,” Louis shifted awkwardly in his chair, “Thank you, for the tea and for staying with me. You didn’t have to do that,” fiddling with the page of his book Louis glanced up at Harry and say that he was still smiling. 

“It was nothing, seriously. That guy is disgusting,” Harry opened his backpack and started pulling out his work. “The rest of the library is full, mind if I study here?” Louis laughed because guess he didn’t have much of a choice Harry looked like he was ready to move in. 

“Only if you promise to never tell anyone about my secret spot,” Louis joked.

“Only if you promise to let me come here with you, and let it be our spot,” Harry joked back and Louis’ was beaming. 

“Sure,” Louis had a small smile for the rest of the time. Our spot kept playing over and over in his head as they studied together occasionally taking breaks to chat about classes and complain about studying. 

***

Niall’s apartment was packed to the point that you had to push through the people just to move. The music was pounding and the cops were bound to show up sooner or later. Louis was hiding in the corner of the kitchen sitting on the counter to give himself even the tiniest bit of space. Liam leaning in between his legs using his thighs and an arm rest to people watch. It was hot inside and Louis felt sticky from split drinks and sweat. He leaned down to half yell over the music into Liam’s ear,

“Do you have the key to Niall’s room? I wanna go get some fresh air on his balcony,” Louis hoped Liam could hear him over the deep bass of the music. Louis assumed he had because Liam started digging around in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys handing it to Louis. 

“Text me if you need anything,” Liam yelled into his ear before Louis hopped down off the counter. Louis pushed his way through the sweaty bodies that surrounded him making his way down the hall to Niall’s locked bedroom. He stuck the key in and pulled it closed behind him reveling in the quietness of the bedroom. Louis pulled open the sliding door to go out onto the balcony where Niall had a strange yet massive sofa sun chair set up and plopped himself down on it. The night was chilly but the sky was clear and Louis could see a few stars despite the city lights. He could still hear the faint pounding of the music inside but Louis felt that he could finally breathe. 

Louis lay there slightly chilled for what felt like hours before the door opened behind him. Harry stood there wrapped up in one of Niall’s extra duvets a surprised look on his face.

“Sorry, Niall gave me his extra key in case he drunkenly loses one, didn’t think anyone would be out here,” Harry looked conflicted on whether he should leave or not. They had been quietly tip toeing around each other and Louis was over it. He didn’t mind Harry’s presence obviously.

“Room for two out here, it was getting a bit cramped in there,” Louis said scooting over on the weird sofa bed sun chair thing making enough room for Harry. Hesitantly, Harry sat down next to him leaving plenty of room between them to the point where they he could easy fall off the side if Louis so much as tapped him.

“Just a bit crowded, leave it to Niall to pack everybody in like sardines seeing as he know pretty much everyone it feels like the entire university is here,” Harry said chuckling because it was true Niall knew everyone it seemed like. They sat quietly just staring up at the sky and out across the city admiring the way the lights twinkle. Louis shivered when a colder breeze blew biting his skin through his sweater. “You cold?” Harry asked huddled under his thick duvet. 

“A bit,” Louis laughed as Harry shifted closer lifting up the edge of the blanket to let Louis under. Nor even bothering to argue Louis shifted closer till their shoulders touched and snuggled himself under the cover of the warm blanket. They were laying back admiring the view their heads only inches apart and the blanket being the only thing connecting them together. Louis could feel Harry’s warm body next to him and had to fight the urge to lean into it. 

“I went a saw Zayn the other day,” Harry spoke still gazing up. “I apologized for being a twat now and back home and we caught up on some things,” Louis stiffened a bit because Harry was being vague about those ‘things’ that they caught up on and he hoped that, that hadn’t meant they were talking about Louis. “I also wanted to say sorry to you for being a twat when we met again….and for not telling you I was leaving, that was really shitty and I know if you had done that to me I would have been just gutted,” Louis shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t like to talk about this especially not with Harry. 

“Thanks, for forgiving me enough to hang out with me and be civil and stuff,” Louis wanted to say something more but he wasn’t really sure what just yet. 

“Louis, I mean yeah we both said some shitty stuff to each other back then and I was upset but you have nothing to apologize for. There were some times where I really wish you had stood up for me but I also understand how terrifying it was what I asking you to accept so quickly,” Harry had rolled on his side to look at Louis now. 

“Harry, you can’t honestly believe that can you? I was a shit friend and a coward who treated you horribly and I still regret everything that happened,” Louis scolded him and rolled over to face Harry. He was searching his face with wide pleading eyes needing him to understand what he was saying. Harry just shook his head not acknowledging it. 

“Louis,” Harry said quietly and paused, “What happened after I left?” His eyes were wide and worried and Louis had never wanted to pour his heart out more than he did right now. Harry was looking at him with such honest and caring eyes that Louis felt himself starting to talk. 

“After you told me about my dad, I didn’t know how to cope. I shut everyone out, including Zayn. No one besides you two noticed though because I had never really been fully engaged with everyone else anyways,” Louis told him and Harry looked like he knew that much already. “My mom convinced me to start seeing someone actually, to help with my anxiety and I think after my most recent panic attack kind of ensued that I needed help,” Louis added hesitantly. Harry was looking at him strangely. 

“When did you have a panic attack?” Harry asked quietly.

“I uh—went to visit my dad in prison actually after what you told me he said…” Louis was shaking a bit. The cold dark lit room they had let Louis into to see his ‘father’ and the way the guards looked at him eyes full of pity. The way his dad had told him everything Harry had told him was true, about how he wished he was dead because he didn’t need a faggot son. It stung and made Louis’ chest feel too tight to the point that tiny movements or trying to breathe hurt. His eyes started to blur and his he felt dizzy just thinking about it. “It…it didn’t go well,” Louis was scrubbing at his eyes now unable to stop the prick of tears behind his eyes. 

“You—you what?! Louis why….why the hell would you do that and not tell me?” The frantic tone that Harry was speaking in made Louis shy away. 

“Could you blame me Harry? I was so incredibly lost at the time and we weren’t talking, hell we had barely looked at each other!” Louis had turned back to lay on his back and was hiding his arm slung over his eyes. “My ‘dad’ he um…he told me that uh he wished that he had killed me and that the fact that I was a faggot meant deserved it. That he had seen it coming,” Louis sniffed loudly and tried to calm his breathing. God, his chest hurt it was a deep ache that never seemed to go away. 

“Then Jacob and Eleanor cheated and I know I shouldn’t have fought with him but Harry he cheated on you and I know we were all weird back then but you were still my best mate,” Louis was rambling now trying to get it all out. “And then you left and I don’t blame you for leaving Harry but that was the nail in the coffin for me at the time. I couldn’t cope with anything that was happening, my dad, you leaving, hell me being gay,” Louis was breathing heavily now his words a bit labored. 

“I don’t blame you for leaving Harry but I was broken, I still am. My dad started calling me in his free time to harass me and I just hit rock bottom, hard,” Louis remembers. He remembers the first time his caller ID flashed an unknown caller and he hadn’t known who it could be and answered only to be greeted with spiteful words that ripped apart his already broken heart. 

“Zayn tried, god he tried so hard to pick up the pieces and be there for me but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t his fault. My therapist recommended drugs for everything and I jumped at it. I was drowning and it seemed like the only way. I managed to finish school and by then I was so numb to everything I didn’t realize what I was doing to everyone around me, especially Zayn. So I left for uni and that was it,” Louis was openly crying now. A warm hand slipped into his free hand that rested at his side their fingers tangling together. 

Louis peeked out from under the crook of his elbow and saw that Harry had silent tear tracks trailing down his face. Whether it was the alcohol or the mood but Louis felt a sense of calm come over him as Harry stayed next to him holding his hand staring up at the stars. 

“I’m so sorry I ever left you,” was all Harry said gently squeezing his hand. 

***

Niall woke up the morning after having a crazy party at his apartment. He woke up on the couch alone with Liam on the floor next to him passed out a throw blanket covering him. Zayn was close by Liam on the floor curled up into a tiny ball and Niall had to laugh. Those two were almost as clueless as Louis and Harry. 

The floors were sticky and there were empty cans, bottles and cups littering the entire space and Niall slumped because he’d have to pick it up. Later, he thought. There was a crick in his back and he wanted to piss and crawl into his bed for a couple more hours of sleep before everybody else woke up. Thank goodness his room was unlocked because he had lost his keys or gave them to somebody to hold and he couldn’t remember who. He noticed his curtains were open as he pulled off his smelly clothes and peeked his head out onto his patio. Niall sighed, out on the balcony tangled up in each other was Harry and Louis. They were both under his extra duvet Louis wrapped up in Harry’s arms and tucked tightly under his chin. It was sickly sweet and Niall was thanking the heavens that they had finally found their way back to each other. It was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment lots for my birthday (; I want to know what you guys think!!


	19. Stumbling a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update because it's been forever and I'm sorry!

It was chilly in the morning, Louis felt the breeze blow up his back and he shivered trying to steal the warmth of the person next to him. Louis’ eyes flew open, his face still pressed into Harry’s shirt. Louis squeezed his eyes tight and pressed his face closer into Harry’s chest. Harry’s long arms wrapped tightly around him and had pulled him close tucking him under his chin at some point in the night. Louis could feel soft breaths rustling his hair and he sighed clinging to this fleeting moment of ease and happiness he felt.

Louis pulled back to admire Harry while he still could. The way his curls stuck up in every which direction made Louis’ heart swell with fondness. Harry’s lips were in a slight pout from his cheeks being smushed on either side. 

The sliding glass door slid open and a flying blonde bomb flew right on top of them. Louis let out a loud ‘ommf’ and watched as Harry jolted awake eyes wide with surprise. Once Niall had snuggled his way in between the two Harry groaned and rolled over back to hide in his pillow. 

“Niall, for the love of everything, why,” Harry whined. 

“Time to clean up it’s almost eleven. Zayn has to get to work,” Niall said nuzzling his way into Louis’ arms for a hug. Louis chuckled and tucked his chin over Niall’s shoulder. Harry was watching him with soft sleepy eyes and Louis felt an easy smile form on his lips. 

“Oi, I can feel you guys oogling each other from here, quit it!” Niall shouted in mock horror pushing himself out of Louis’ arms and off the sofa bed. “Get ta work minions,” Niall called over shoulder.   
Louis hid his face in his pillow, unsure of what Harry was thinking with Niall gone now. An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled his close for a tight hug. It only lasted a few seconds and as Harry pulled away he planted a soft kiss on Louis’ head before climbing out of bed. 

“We should go yeah?” Harry was already walking away and Louis got up to follow adjusting his clothes that were now horribly rumpled. Louis followed Niall and Harry out into the hall where Liam and Zayn were already quickly picking up cups and bottles tossing them into a garbage bag. 

“Shit, I have to go I’m going to be late,” Zayn was looking at the time on his phone a bit frantic. He threw a couple more cups into the bag and went to grab his jacket off the back of the couch. Liam stood still staring at him a bit worriedly. 

“Shit,” Zayn was patting his pockets and pulled out his wallet. 

“I can drive you,” Liam hesitantly offered rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Zayn paused and gave Liam a strange look before nodding his head. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Zayn and Liam hustled for the door. 

“Sorry I’ll be back to help,” Liam added before closing the door. Louis kept picking up cups and bottles grimacing at the sticky floors. Harry and Niall just looked at each other. 

“Give it time,” Niall chuckled. Louis smiled because he’s noticed the way that Zayn looks at Liam and he hoped that it would work out from his two best mates. Liam the most genuine person he knew aside from Zayn himself. 

Louis picked up some of Niall’s regular dishes that people had grabbed out of cabinets and brought them to the sink. He turned on the warm water and let the bubbles build while he wiped down the counter trying to get rid of the sticky alcohol left behind. He could hear Niall and Harry laughing after finding some not so sanitary items under the couch. Louis smiled and continued to clean dishes placing them on the drying rack. Louis heard hustling behind him in the kitchen and Harry slid on his socks knocking straight into Louis.

Stumbling a bit Louis caught himself his sudsy hands slipping on the counter dragging the still sliding Harry with him into a heap on the floor. Louis groaned as his back hit the hard floor and Harry’s heavier than it looks body fell on top of him. They stayed there groaning in mock pain from the collision before Harry started laughing in Louis’ ear.

“Sorry, Sorry. I thought I could stop,” Harry laughed even harder when Louis started laughing with him. Louis felt Harry’s deep laugh rumble through him vibrating in Louis’ chest while he was lying underneath him. Harry slowly pushed himself up and off of Louis before reaching a hand down to help him up. 

“Sorry,” Harry told him rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Louis just shook his head because yeah Harry was an idiot but it was still kind of funny. “Are you headed home after this?” Harry asked grabbing some of the dry dishes off the rack and placing them in their rightful cabinets.

“I have to work later this evening but I’m going home after this yeah,” Louis pulled the plug out of the sink and let the water slowly drain sending shy glances towards Harry.

“Wanna grab some coffee?” Harry beamed at him his dimples the size of craters making Louis’ heart skip a beat.

“Sure,” Louis couldn’t help but smile brightly back at him. 

***

It’s funny how easy it is to fall into a routine. Louis would wake up in the morning, get his coffee from the shop Liam worked at, he would go to class, most days he worked and then after he’d come home to find Harry cooking dinner in his flat. Not that he was complaining. Waking up after Niall’s party Louis knew something had changed between Harry and him. They were ‘friends’ now and Louis refused to acknowledge that it could be anything more than that right now. 

They were friends who spent their time doing homework together in the library and friends who happen to still love the same movies. Harry was a friend who apparently also thought it was okay to walk around half naked in his kitchen because when Louis unlocked his door after class he was met with the sight of a long, lean and incredibly bare torso standing over the stove. Louis stumbled a bit and almost choked on his breath at the sight. Louis felt his cheeks warm and he ducked quickly into his bedroom to get rid of his backpack and grab a warmer jumper. It was starting to get really cold out seeing as it was November already. Bundled up Louis pulled a blanket off the bed with him and wrapped it around his shoulders. He padded back into the kitchen and pulled himself up onto the counter behind Harry watching the way his muscles worked as his arms moved. 

“Hey there,” he finally turned and was leaning against the counter watching Louis wrap himself up tighter. Louis was trying to hide in a way. His and Harry’s relationship still had him walking on egg shells, he was happy but when would it end? When would the harsh cold stare replace the warm soft eyes Harry’s been giving him for the past couple weeks. Louis was afraid, afraid to lose Harry when he finally had him back. 

“m’ cold,” Harry complained moving closer to him. 

“Maybe you should try wearing a shirt for starters,” Louis laughed at the way Harry pouted his lips. It was adorable and made his heart fill with fondness. 

“Let me in,” Harry complained moving closer and closer into the space between Louis’ legs. 

“Nope, this is my blanket burrito. You were the one who didn’t wear a shirt today,” Louis was trying to be stern gripping his blanket tighter. The thought of Harry’s warm torso pressed up against him had his heart beating rapidly as Harry invaded his space. 

“Please,” Harry had his head resting on Louis’ shoulder now breathing into his neck. Louis caved like he knew he would and opened his arms letting Harry snuggle into him between his legs and wrapping his strong arms around his waist. Louis held the blanket around him by wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and Harry suddenly tugged him closer. Louis sucked in a surprised breath and let Harry hold him tight. Harry’s soft skin was warm and it felt like it was melting away Louis’ anxiety. He let himself be held and burrowed his face into Harry’s neck. 

“Lou?” Harry had whispered so quietly Louis wasn’t even entirely sure he’d said anything. Louis pulled back the slightest bit his nose resting on Harry’s jaw nosing at his slight stubble. Harry shifted at the feeling and Louis could feel his warm breath ghosting over his lips. Louis heart was going into over drive it was pounding so hard. His mind was white noise and he felt his hands twitch the tiniest bit around Harry’s neck and suddenly a pair of lips were pressed over his. 

Rough but warm and gentle lips were moving slowly with Louis’. Surely his heart had exploded by now because Harry was kissing him. Harry was kissing him. Louis would take anything he could get from Harry because every day with him made Louis feel more and more alive. 

Cold hands slips under Louis’ warm jumper and Louis gasped at the feeling of goose bumps that rose on his skin sending a shiver up his spine. Harry took advantage of the gasp to slowly tangle their tongues together and Louis was officially a dead man. His heart had exploded and he’d lost all capability to do anything other than kiss Harry back. Large hands rubbed small circles at his hips and Louis sighed into the still slow and yet painfully emotion filled kiss. Finally Louis pulled back the tiniest bit breathing heavier than he realized his eyes still closed tight his nose touching Harry’s cheek. 

“Harry?” Louis said a bit breathlessly because really what had just happened. Louis suddenly felt cold fear curl into the warmth of his belly. What if Harry didn’t mean to kiss him? _Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatif_ , was swirling in Louis’ brain and he tried to keep Harry close to him. The thought of him pulling away physically hurt already.

“I just want to be with you Louis,” Harry had pressed his forehead to Louis’ their eyes both still closed. “I just want to be with you,” Harry repeated and all Louis could do was nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All you readers are the best and I love it when you leave comments about what you think <3


	20. When You Said Your Last Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllllloooo Lovely Readers <3 I've got the next two chapters written and will be posting soon!

Niall was screaming in the other room at the tv his FIFA game between Liam was apparently really intense. Louis just chuckled and kept searching the fridge for his bottle of Gatorade that seemed to be missing. 

“Looking for this?” came a voice from behind him and Louis turned around quickly. Harry stood there holding it in his hand with a smug smile on his face.

“Yepp thanks for grabbing that for me,” Louis smirked and tried to grab it. Harry lifted it above his head and Louis pulled his hand back annoyed. He had a slight pout on his lips hoping Harry would be nice and stop making fun of their height difference. 

“Oh common Lou, you know that face makes me feel bad,” Harry pouted and handed him the bottle. Louis smiled in success and leaned forward to give Harry a quick peck on the lips which he hoped wasn’t too forward. It had only been two weeks since their first kiss and frankly Louis was scared still. Scared that Harry might change his mind and leave him. His thoughts went blank though because his peck turned into a slightly more passionate kiss when Harry gripped the back of his neck connecting their lips again. 

Louis sighed and pulled back smiling. They walked back into the other room and sat down in their respective chairs ignoring the looks everyone was giving them. They knew because they were so bad at hiding it but they had decided not to talk about it with anyone until they figured out what exactly they were doing. Zayn was MIA and Louis felt a twinge of sadness because recently Zayn has always been missing from their outings. He was always working or pretty much working one of his many jobs and if not that doing homework or desperately trying to catch up on sleep. 

Louis missed him, missed the slight hint of cigarette smoke and his cologne. Speaking of cologne, Louis felt like he couldn’t escape Harry’s mix of sweet shampoo and manly smelling cologne. The oversized sweatshirt Louis was wearing was definitely Harry’s considering the sleeves went well past his hands. Harry wasn’t getting it back any time soon. 

Checking his watch for the fifth time Louis sighed. He was hoping the time would pass slower so he wouldn’t have to leave. His impending work shift was dampening his mood. 

“I better head out,” Louis said running to his room to change. He had the overnight shift at the 24/7 diner on campus. Jay’s Place was always packed from Thursday to Saturday night and completely dead past 11 pm on the weeknights. He packed his homework and laptop in his backpack hoping to get some homework done during the graveyard shifts that are Tuesday’s. Louis was regretfully pulling off Harry’s sweatshirt to wear his generic blue polo and khakis. The door clicked closed behind him and Louis smiled knowing exactly who it was. 

“Ahh,” Strong arms wrapped around his bare torso and Louis sucked in a breath as cold fingers grazed his stomach causing his ab muscles to twitch. Louis squirmed and Harry pressed light kisses in his hair and behind Louis’ ear and NOPE. Louis could not do this right now, he had to go. “Harry,” Louis whined but it came out more breathless than he wanted to let on. 

“I need to go Harry. Please I don’t want to be late,” Louis squirmed out of his grip and pulled the blue polo on and bundled up for the brutal cold that had descended more quickly than he had time to adapt for. Harry grabbed him from behind again once he was had his beanie and coat on giving him and tight squeeze before finally letting him go. 

“Bye, will I see you tomorrow?” Louis bit his lip thinking he’d like to come home to Harry making breakfast. 

“Yeah, if you want to,” Harry was smiling softly following Louis towards the door opening it for Louis to slip out quietly. He could still hear Niall and Liam yelling and Louis already wanted to come home. 

***

Louis was bored. He was so bored he had already finished all his homework and it was only 11:45 pm. He had until 5 am and Louis was already so done. Louis had vacuumed, swept and cleaned the counters and he’s had no human interaction other the cook who Louis thought hated people all together. 

He was five seconds away from making one on the shelves under the counter into a bed and sleeping until someone showed up which would be never so until he was done with his shift in five hours ten minutes and fourteen seconds, but who was counting? The diner was small, it only had about twelve tables meaning Louis had nothing else to clean. It was eclectic with its random chairs and tables and out of everywhere Louis has worked this has been his favorite. His boss, ironically names Jay Jr., was always great about giving Louis time to finish his homework among other things. 

Louis took his time doodling on a napkin and rearranging their pastry cabinet. A few people would walk past but no one would come in. In an attempt to kill his boredom Louis flipped on the radio to a better station and turned it up knowing Seamus the cook would be grumpy and hiding in the back anyways. Louis couldn’t help but smile, ‘Talk Dirty’ by Jason Derulo was on and Louis will deny it to everyone but he was dancing maybe a bit. 

The bell rang and Louis whipped over to the radio and spun the dial turning the volume off before pasting a smile on his face turning to the customer. Chocolate curls stuck out from under a gray beanie and Louis’ favorite green eyes were looking at him. Harry’s dimples were out in full force and Louis was definitely swooning.

“Nice dance moves,” Harry was practically cackling and Louis grimaced.

“What are you doing here Harry,” Louis asked turning to wipe down the counter to hide his embarrassment. 

“Thought you might be lonely, but clearly I’m interrupting,” Harry started laughing again and Louis through a saran wrapped muffin at his.

“And you have to pay for that,” Louis told him sternly. 

“Never,” Harry had moved to sit at a stool right in front of Louis. He was leaning on his elbows halfway across the counter and Louis blushed. 

“You don’t have to be here you know,” Louis was still aimlessly wiping down counters avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“I want to be,” Louis didn’t need to look at him to know he had soft eyes and a deep dimple-y smile. Louis felt his heart flutter he wasn’t sure what to think. 

“Hungry?” Louis started grabbing his favorites, blueberry muffins, tea and some fruit for Harry. 

“Sure,” Once Louis set the bowl down Harry started grabbing pieces and popping them into his mouth. “Niall seemed pretty upset about something after you left. Do you know what that is about?” Harry asked and no, Louis had no idea. 

“Not sure,” Louis tried racking his brain for something that could upset happy go lucky Niall.

“Hmm, I’ll keep an eye on his,” Harry popped a few more pieces of fruit into his mouth and stole a sip from Louis’ tea. Louis gave Harry a mock appalled look before stealing his mug back. “Turn the radio back on,” Harry demanded spinning around on his stool like a kid.

Louis loved this Harry, this silly, goofy Harry that was nothing but smiles and laughs. Louis was so fond and still so painfully in love with this fool. Nothing has changed really. He might not have realized what it was but Louis had no doubt that he has and always will be hopelessly in love with Harry Styles. 

Turning the radio back up to drown out the noise in back Louis grabbed his rag to wipe down empty tables. Leftover crumbs littered tables that Louis wiped off and he heard Harry humming somewhere behind him. 

‘All I want’ by Kodaline was playing softly through the diner and Louis felt arms wrap around his waist guiding him away from the table leaving his dirty rag behind.

“Dance with me,” Harry whispered hotly in Louis ear causing a shiver to run up his spine. Harry gripped Louis’ hips and spun him around and pulled him close. Their chests were pressed together one of Harry’s large hands spanning the small of his back while he held the other out for Louis to take. Harry was looking at Louis through his thick dark lashes, his vibrant green eyes were full of love and Louis was stunned. Glancing between Harry’s hand and his expression Louis paused before lightly placing on hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. 

_‘All I want is nothing more_  
To hear you knocking at my door  
‘Cause if I could see your face once more  
I could die a happy man I’m sure’

Harry was guiding them to the middle of the diner away from all the tables before Louis felt himself being tucked under Harry’s chin. 

_‘When you said your last goodbye_  
I died a little bit inside  
I lay in tears in bed all night  
Alone without you by my side’

Louis thought his heart might crack, his head resting on Harry’s chest and they spun in slow lazy circles. The lyrics caused his throat to feel tight and tears sting behind his eyes. They hit so closer to home that the arrow was splitting through the first one already stuck in bulls-eye.

_So you brought out the best of me,_  
A part of me I’ve never seen.  
You took my soul and wiped it clean  
Our love was made for movie screens. 

Harry spun them faster in skillful circles pulling Louis tighter to his chest and Louis hoped he couldn’t feel the painful beat of his heart or the wet tears that managed to escape. Louis nuzzled his head into Harry’s neck trying to even out his breaths. He felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the reassuring pressure on his back or the way his hand felt so small in Harry’s. 

_But if you loved me_  
Why’d you leave me?

Hot tears streamed down Louis’s cheeks and Harry must have noticed because he pulled Louis against his heart and placed firm kiss to his forehead as Louis let an agonizing sob go. 

“It’s okay,” Harry whispered over and over along with other sweet nothing in his ear as they slowly spun in circles the lights of the city twinkling outside. Long after the song ended they stayed wrapped around each other dancing slowly to the beat of their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like? Don't Like? Fluffy and angsty? I'm breaking my own heart here haha


	21. Under the Street Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings and such XD

“Let’s go!” Niall was shouting at him through the bathroom door while Louis finished brushing his teeth and fixing his fringe. Louis was dressed in his tightest black jeans rolled up with his favorite vans and a light tank to hopefully help with the heat of the bar. Despite the freezing December air the bars were always unbearably hot inside.

Louis grabbed his wallet and phone and headed into the kitchen where Niall, Liam, Zayn and Harry were all waiting for him. They were all already pleasantly buzzed from drinking while Louis showered quickly after his shift at the diner.

“Lou-eeee, let’s take some shots hurry up,” Niall was pouring outrageously large shots of Louis’ worst enemy tequila.

“Eh Niall I don’t know if I want to go there today…” Louis said eyeing the shots carefully trying to weigh the pros and cons of what could happen. He could either, be fine and have a great night or he could end up on a table with all his clothes off. Hopefully the prior he thought as he took two of Niall’s double shots that he poured. They burned on the way down and Louis clenched his teeth together fighting the sting. Someone shoved a lime into his mouth and Louis sucks the bitter juice to combat the sharp taste of tequila.

They all crammed into the cab Louis carefully placed himself on the other side with Niall and Zayn in between him and Harry. The ride was quick and they all piled out quickly making their way through the already crowded floor and towards the bar. Louis was…Louis was content. It was crowded and he didn’t really enjoy being pushed around so much by everybody. A warm body pressed up against him from behind and Louis visibly tensed curling into himself trying to squirm away. Two arms gripped the bar in front of him boxing him in and Louis was wound so tight he was ready to snap. The only thing that stopped him was the ‘I can’t change’ on his wrist and Louis instantly slumped.

“Are you alright Lou?” Harry shouted in his ear over the loud music. Louis nodded but backed up into Harry letting his arms box him in tighter. Harry was acting as a wall between Louis and the crowd and it felt nice. It felt nice having Harry’s comforting arms wrapped around him while Harry chatted with Niall and Zayn around him. Louis’ back was pressed tightly against Harry’s chest feeling the solid warmth behind him helped steady his slight sway Louis had happening.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Harry whispered into his ear.

“Where else would I be?” Louis was curious.

“I-I just wouldn’t want to lose you again,” his tone was grim and Louis’ heart dropped to his stomach for a moment.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” Louis told him.

Niall was still feeding him drinks and Louis felt his buzz intensify slowly till he let go of all his inhibitions. Louis started swaying to the music when they moved away from the bar and out into the dance floor. It started as Louis just moving to the music then Harry wrapped an arm completely around Louis’ waist holding him steady. Before he knew it large firm hands gripped his hips tightly grinding along behind him. It started pretty innocent as just dancing and slowly the more drinks they had and the later it got the more intense the crowd got. Harry pulled Louis close as Louis moved his hips grinding filthily back into Harry. Louis rested his head back on Harry’s shoulder and Harry nipped lightly at Louis’ exposed neck. The heat of the packed bodies had Louis’ head swirling.

“Can we go somewhere?” Louis whispered loudly into Harry’s ear biting his lobe before pulling away to grab his hand. He beckoned Harry seductively with his finger biting it before spinning around to leave.

They walked a ways out on the busy streets hands and fingers tangled together stopping every few steps for quick kisses and gentle brushes of hands on cheeks, through curls and down spines. Eventually Harry let go of Louis’ hand to wave down a cab and Louis stared in awe. Harry’s cheeks and nose were pink from the cold making him look cuddly and soft waiting on the edge of the curb his smile dimpling his cheeks.

Louis felt his heart stutter. The cab pulled up and they spent the whole ride back tangled up as closely as they could get whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear. They paid quickly and stumbled into Harry’s apartment Louis didn’t even pause to look around just letting Harry pull him through the living room into what he assumed was his bedroom.

Harry hesitantly leaned in lightly pressing his lips to Louis’. It was achingly gentle and Louis thought he might explode. In a moment of desperation he pulled Harry closer to him and buried his hands in his thick curls. Thinking Harry might pull away he poured all his feelings into the kiss and to his surprise Harry kissed him back. He was kissing Louis back with just as much desperation and Louis thought he might break. All the words left unsaid, all the hurt and anger and love were burning his lips and Louis felt overwhelmed. Harry was leading him back until he fell back on the bed pulling Louis to straddle his hips.

Their tongues tangled together and Louis’ heart was hammering in his chest. All of his senses were filled with _HarryHarryHarry_ and he couldn’t get enough. Nothing was enough.

“Off, need this off,” he panted as he tugged more so ripped at Harry’s shirt to get it off. They struggled to peel off their too tight clothes with their lips still connected and when they were left in nothing but their briefs Louis leaned forwards letting his chest collide with Harry’s and the feeling of Harry’s hot skin on his made his heart soar and his blood run hot. They tumbled back onto the bed and Harry’s large hands were spanning his back moving up and down slowly, over his shoulders through the slots in his ribs and finally to grip his ass pulling them flush together. Louis whimpered when he felt Harry’s hard cock line up with his and he couldn’t help the way his hips started moving chasing desperate friction. Louis was grinding down into Harry letting breathy moans out into Harry’s mouth who only seemed to meet his moving hips with more enthusiasm.

Harry’s hands were kneading Louis ass down to press their cocks together and his hands slipped into the back of Louis boxers. Louis let out a loud moan as Harrys finger slid between his cheeks and pressed softly around his hole. Louis hadn’t been able to multitask and kiss Harry instead he was now panting heavily into Harry’s neck. Harry’s unoccupied hand was reaching across the bed and into the night stand pulling out lube and a condom and coating up his fingers generously with the lube while Louis tugged of his boxers. Louis was laying out flat on top of Harry and when Harry slipped his first finger into his tight hole to tease him Louis squirmed needing more.

“Hands and knees babe,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear and Louis whimpered before climbing up higher on the bed legs spread open wide while he was propped up on his knees. Harry had one hand running up and down his spine tracing his vertebrate while the other teased his hole open slowly. He crooked his fingers and Louis at the moment the second finger entered him started rocking back trying to reach the spot he knew Harry was avoiding. Three fingers crooked and twisted in him left Louis a panting mess underneath the curly lad.

“Harry,” Louis panted, “I need you, need you please Harry,” Louis cried brokenly thrusting back onto Harry’s long fingers as the crooked inside him. They brushed his prostate just barely and Louis keened loudly and dropped his face into the pillow and Harry kept lightly brushing it.

“Need you now, now Har—oh god Harry,” Harry draped himself over Louis kissing up his spine till he nibbled on his ear.

“Fuck me please Harry,” Louis whined and Harry seemed to lose his composure. He buried his head in Louis neck and planted open mouth kisses there. He nuzzled his nose up through the hair around Louis’ ears and Louis was not going to last.

“Flip over love,” he helped Louis flip over before reaching for the condom but Louis stopped him.

“Need to feel you,” Louis whispered shyly. He could see Harry choke on Louis’ words as he quickly lubed up his throbbing cock and lining it up with Louis hole. Moving it lightly along the sensitive rim in slow circles Harry looked down at Louis eyes blown wide with lust and need. Gently and slowly Harry pushed into Louis’ impossibly tight hole and Louis felt his breath leave his lungs at the sensation.

Harry bottomed out and Louis had never felt so whole and full in his life. The thickness of Harry’s cock was dragging inside him as he slowly pulled out and thrust back in stretching him. Louis was letting breathy moans escape his lips and Harry picked up his speed moving in a way that had Louis keening loudly after mere minutes. He was entirely engulfed by Harry and nothing had ever felt so right. Harry’s once slow thrusts were getting quicker and he was now pounding into Louis who couldn’t think a coherent sentence, he was only capable of stringing a few words along.

“Harry, oh god, yes Harry” He moaned as Harry pounded into him, pleasure curling his toes. Harry was pressed up chest to chest with him kissing him and alternating between sucking dark bruises into his collarbones to biting his sensitive nipples. It was so overwhelming Louis could only claw desperately at Harry’s back and chest while meeting Harry’s thrusts

“Wanna ride you please,” Louis pleaded because he wouldn’t last at this rate. He wanted to feel Harry inside him as he rode his thick cock. Harry nodded and they both rolled, Louis climbing to straddle his hips he quickly lined himself up and sank down till he was seated on Harry’s dick. He wasn’t wasting any time before he planted him hands on Harry’s chest digging his nails in as he lifted himself up to the tip before slamming back down his own cock bouncing between them.

“Ahh Harry, yes there, there,” he was moaning loudly as Harry met his thrusts and pounded him hard and fast. They both were panting and Louis could feel the heat pooling in his stomach as Harry pounded into his prostate over and over in just the right way. Louis didn’t even need to ask because Harry had his hand tugging at Louis’ aching cock roughly sending Louis over the edge moaning and shaking through the intense pleasure. His cum was spread across Harry’s chest as he rode out his orgasm still slowly grinding on Harry who’s hips were starting to stutter as he gripped Louis’ thighs his warm cum filling Louis up. Louis slumped into Harry’s chest not caring about the mess they had just made. He was still panting his nose nuzzled into Harry’s damp curls.

Harry slowly pulled out and Louis winced from how sore he was already. They stayed lying together quietly listening to the way their rapid heartbeats slowed as the minutes passed. Harry pressed a light kiss to Louis’ lips and pulled him close as they drifted off.

***

“Come to Homles Chapel with me for Christmas,” Harry said suddenly setting the plate of eggs on the counter and Louis choked on his tea. He spent the next couple minutes coughing loudly while Harry patted his back. “Sorry babe, didn’t mean to make you freak out,” Harry laughed and Louis started coughing again at Harry calling him babe. Once he finally managed to clear his windpipe of egg pieces he looked at Harry carefully.

“Let me get this straight,” Louis paused collecting his thoughts, “You…want me…to come to your Christmas with you?” Louis’ tone squeaked at the end letting on how nervous he was.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Harry was beamed before leaning down to press a firm kiss to Louis’ lips. The flutter of Louis’ stomach was for more reasons than one now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo? I renamed this....it just felt right. anddddd other things that happened....what do you think?


	22. Frozen Heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter (: Some questions for you guys at the bottom!

“Harry I can’t,” Louis whined sitting on the edge of his bed arms full of clothes.

“Louis it will be _fine!_ ” Harry was storming around the room throwing clothes into a duffle bag. Louis could tell he was starting to get frustrated with him but Louis didn’t think he should go. For one he could easily stay at his house this year for the entire time and it would be fine because god knows he hasn’t seen Anne or even Gemma for that matter since before uni. It was going to be long and uncomfortable and Louis just was too nervous. 

Louis’ phone started ringing and he ignored it turning back to where Harry was pacing and Louis could tell he had to make a decision quickly. 

“I really don’t think I should Harry. I’m going to stay here and then go to my mum’s for the holidays. I haven’t seen my family in ages either,” Louis argued weakly his own words didn’t even sound convincing. He had told his mum he was coming to them this year and she had been thrilled.

“Seriously Louis? We’ve talked about this, it will be fine. For god’s sake are you going to go home when we live in the same city and not even see me?” Harry asked a bit more bite to his tone this time and Louis keep his head down. 

“We could hangout a few days but I just—,” Harry stopped him mid-sentence tossing his arm full of clothes back on the floor before angrily tugging at his hair. 

“No, you know what Louis, either you’re coming with or you aren’t. It’s clear you don’t want to come so I won’t bother you, have fun with your family,” Harry turned around and left. He left Louis sitting on the edge of the bed and Louis felt his heart drop into his stomach. 

They were supposed to leave on Friday together and take the train. Louis’ ticket still sat on the edge of his desk. He felt a bit frozen. Harry didn’t get it. Harry left Louis behind in Holmes Chapel. He never had to see the ghost of a person he became, he never had to witness his rapidly deteriorating personality and social life. He wasn’t there when Anne reached out to him and Louis had shut her out as quickly as he could. Harry didn’t know how Louis had acted. Louis was terrified of going back, terrified of anything in that city. His mum and sisters had been meeting him half way between London and Holmes Chapel to go to his nan’s instead of making him come home. 

It was only Monday and Louis had exams before break. Harry would forgive him before then and Louis could give him the gift he had bought him like he had planned and all would be well. Or at least he hoped.

***

That hope didn’t last long. Louis woke up alone on Tuesday his sheets cold next to him. Harry hadn't been staying over for more than a few weeks but Louis couldn't remember the last time he had woken up alone, not since the going to the bar. Louis squeezed his eyes shut tight trying to ignore the way his chest ached. 

He had exams to study for and a job to go to today and laying in bed wallowing in his inability to admit his fears would get him no where. 

Their uni had given them the last few days before break off from classes to study for exams meaning that Louis could for once work the day shift at the diner versus his usual closing one. Opting for a scalding hot shower first Louis seemed to float through his morning. His skin was red and flushed after his shower as he pulled on his work clothes and made himself a massive cup of tea to go as a pick me up. It worked until about halfway to the diner during his walk the cold bite of winter made his tea run cold. 

Louis could feel his cheeks turning pink from the frosty wind and his nose starting to run by the time he walked into the diner. The warm air blew and Louis felt the sting as it warmed his freezing limbs. He was scheduled to work with his favorite coworkers today though making him brighten a tiny bit when he noticed Krissy coming out of the kitchen her apron covered in flour and her red curly hair up in a messy bun. Krissy was the closest thing Louis had to a motherly figure here at uni and he loved her to bits. She started taking care of him the first time he started working here back in his first year before he even realized what she was doing she had him wrapped around his finger. 

Made him eat mostly in the beginning telling him he was to skinny and that she was afraid he’d blow away. Now on top of that she made him sit down and do his homework during low points in the day while she made him can you guess? More food to eat. Apparently he still wasn't eating enough for her taste. 

“Morning Sweetheart, come warm up a bit before you start, its bloody freezing out there!” she gestured at him as he approached the counter unwrapping his scarf from around his neck and discarding his cold tea. 

“Morning Krissy,” Louis came behind the counter and poured himself a fresh cup of tea enjoying the way it seemed to warm him all the way to his core. He clutched the cup tightly watching and Krissy organize cupcakes in the display case. Krissy paused to look at him and he could feel her scrutinizing gaze.

“You look a bit peaky today, you alright?” No boundaries with her, she walked over and placed a hand on his forehead to check his temp. Louis chuckled and moved back a bit out of reach.

“mm’ fine just tired, got exams this week,” He slung his bag onto the floor under the counter and pulled out his apron and name tag. 

“What are you doing working then? You know how I feel about that!” She scolded him but Louis laughed, they went over this on a weekly basis. 

“Bills to pay, Niall’s large appetite to feed, etc. etc.” he laughed grabbing a meal that Seamus had just wrung the bell before and walked over to the right table giving the small family his warmest smile. They were adorable, mom and dad with two blonde hair, blue eyed babies that look quite a bit like Niall, made it impossible for Louis not to genuinely smile. 

“Speaking of Niall its been two days since he’s been in here, two days! Thats an eternity for him,” Krissy was ranting and laughing at the same time. Louis smiled because it really was an eternity for Niall to stay away from Krissy’s muffins. 

“The apocalypse must be coming,” Louis joked and started making off coffee drinks for a few to go orders. 

Louis kept at it through most of the day, taking his break in the corner booth to work on a bit of studying before going back and helping krissy roll donuts in saran wrap. He heard a light knocking and noticed out of the corner of his eye someone peeking in through the window. Louis turned to smile at them but the sun was glaring the window and before he could get a better look the person had left. Louis tried to look down the road but he saw no one. That was weird. Louis kept wrapping donuts glancing at the window occasionally to see if the person ever came back. 

***

What little hope Louis harbored on Wednesday was null and void by Thursday. It was Thursday and Harry had ignored every call, text and message he left him. He hadn’t made an appearance at their apartment, their study spot or even their usual coffee shop and Louis’ heart felt like ice. 

He tried calling Harry one more time hoping he’d pick up this time. Louis has called him three times in the past ten minutes and he only made it to voicemail. Once again the phone rang and rang until he reached ‘the voicemail box off Harry Styles’ again. Louis stared at the empty messages before shoving his phone into his pocket. He sniffed and tried to keep the tears from falling. It was past three am and it was freezing. He sat out on the snow covered steps at the dinner in the middle of December in only jeans and a jacket. He left his beanie at Harry’s last week and thought he’d have a chance to grab it. 

Instead Louis sat on the steps waiting for Harry who always came and picked him up when it was this late. He _always_ came no matter how early he had to get up or what his plans were for the night. Louis wiped the back of his eyes on the sleeves of his jacket before grabbing his phone out again.

He could hear footsteps crunching in the fresh snow and Louis looked up his heart soaring only to have it freeze like the rest of him. It wasn’t Harry coming towards him. Thomas was making his way down the dimly lit street backpack slung over his shoulder. He saw Louis and he froze only a few feet away from the steps now. 

“L-Louis? What-w-why are you outside?” Thomas was awkwardly stuttering and shuffling his head down clearly feeling ashamed of what he did to Louis at the bar. Louis, though still upset about it, was choosing to ignore the unwanted feelings attached to the situation by avoiding thinking about it completely. Yet, here he was looking at a wind-blown Thomas walking home at three am. 

“Could ask you the same thing,” Louis just huffed out a sarcastic laugh because this was not happening right now. This was too much.

“Look Louis I’m—,” Thomas started but Louis felt his blood boil.

“Nope. You can stop right there, I don’t care Thomas, I know your sorry and thank you for trying to say it but I don’t need to hear it. I’ve chosen to ignore what you did entirely and you better be thankful that Liam didn’t kill you,” Louis ranted angrily wiping away the frozen tear tracks on his stinging cheeks. 

“Liam? Liam wasn’t even there…?” Thomas had walked forward to the bottom of the steps and was looking up at him quizzically.

“What do you mean Liam wasn’t there? Liam brought me home,” Louis spat at him annoyed that Thomas was trying to tell him what happened. 

“I never saw Liam, Louis. He didn’t punch me in the face, I would remember that,” Thomas told him.

“Oh right, because you would remember and I wouldn’t, weird,” Louis was angry and he saw Thomas wince. 

“Harry was the one who punched me in the face. I think I would remember that,” Thomas added quietly and Louis was stone still.

“Harry? Harry wasn’t there?” Louis was looking at Thomas weirdly. Why would Harry have cared then?

“Harry punched me in the face Louis. Look I’m sorry for what I did, it was really shitty of me and I’ll stay away from you,” Thomas told him before quickly scurrying away leaving Louis sitting there even colder than before. 

Harry had lied to him about Liam. Why did it even matter? Louis felt his blood boil the stress of the week causing him to boil over and erupt. Louis stood up and started walking quickly the wind biting his cheeks. 

It was almost four am before he got to his destination and he couldn’t feel any of his finger or toes and his ears burned from the cold. Yet his blood still continued to boil. He reached the desired door and started pounding repeatedly over and over on the door. None of that knocking business Louis wanted Harry to wake up _now._

Louis was still pounding on the door when it flew open, a topless Harry dressed only in pajama bottoms looking bewildered and panicked.

“Louis what the hell ar—,” Harry started asking but Louis didn’t stop there. He shoved Harry back into the apartment causing him to stumbled and Louis followed slamming the door,

“You are a right asshole!” Louis was shouting not even thinking about waking anybody else up. 

“Louis what—,” Harry tried but Louis couldn’t stop the word vomit that was happening. 

“No! You don’t get to talk, you’ve had your chance all week to talk to me and you left me. You left me sitting alone at the diner at three am even when you promised you’d always come you asshole!” Louis was angry and frustrated and sad all at once and tears pricked his eyes and he desperately wanted them to stop. “Is anything you say ever true?” Louis whispered now letting a few angry tears roll down his cheeks. 

“What? Of course I meant everything I’ve said Louis I just forgot, this week has been a mess,” Harry looked sheepish and Louis noticed the bags under his eyes.

“Really? Because if you meant everything you said, why didn’t you tell me that it was you that picked me up from Thomas? Why couldn’t you just tell me that? Why did you have to lie and say it was Liam?” Louis was shouting a bit again and his numb fists tried to clench at his sides to regain some warmth. 

“I didn’t know what kind of relationship I wanted with you Louis, I was scared,” Harry said crossing his arms across his chest, “Can you blame me, after everything that happened?” Harry added and Louis let the tears flow because his words cut deep.

“Then why bother huh? If you didn’t want to be around me why bother?” Louis shouted he was frustrated to the point that he wanted to punch someone or a wall or anything. His skin felt like it was on fire and his blood was fire in his veins. 

“Are you serious right now?” Harry was looking at him like he had slapped him and offended his nan all in one sentence. “You are something else Louis Tomlinson,” Harry lunged forward and slipped his fingers into Louis hair to grip it tight smashing their lips together. Louis felt Harry’s hot breath in his mouth warming his numb lips and planted both hands on Harry’s shoulders and pushed him away wiping his mouth. 

“Doesn’t mean anything Harry, you’ve ignored me all week,” Louis started and Harry grabbed Louis cheeks forcing him to look him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry about this week I really am. I overreacted because…” Harry paused and looked like he was searching for something in Louis face before continuing.

“I love you,” Harry said and Louis’ eyes went wide.

“Y-you what?” Louis was stunned. He wasn’t expecting this.

“I didn’t tell you about Thomas because I was scared of still being in love with you and I was upset earlier this week because I was afraid that you not wanting to come meant that you didn’t feel the same way about me,” Harry was breathing a bit heavier his nervousness clearly written across his face and Louis was still stunned, fish mouthing from the confession. Harry was in love with him. 

Louis knew Harry was searching his face for some sign that he felt the same way and Louis did the only thing he could think of to show how he felt. He crushed his lips to Harry’s almost knocking them both off balance. It was bruising and painfully passionate as their lips moved together. Harry had gathered Louis up tightly in his arms as they stumbled back towards the couch landing on its cushions awkwardly. Harry scooted them up so that Louis was straddling him his thick thighs on either side of Harry’s legs. Harry’s hands had found their way to Louis’ hips where his grip was painful yet reassuring causing Louis’ heart to flutter as Harry thumbed circles there. 

Meanwhile, Louis had his hands in Harry’s thick curls his fingers carding through lightly only to tug with more purpose when he felt Harry pulling back a bit. He whined when despite his efforts Harry pressed their foreheads together, they both were breathing heavily.

“I love you, god. Louis, I love every single piece of you and I never stopped. Not since I met you, I never stop being completely and entirely in love with you,” Harry breathed out and yepp, Louis’ was so entirely gone for this perfect boy. Despite their up’s and down’s Louis had never stopped loving him either and he probably never would. 

“I love you too, always have always will,” Louis stressed gripping Harry’s curls to press their lips together sweetly. Louis had never been very eloquent with words but he said all he needed to. He was in love with Harry. It was pretty simple. 

They kissed slowly at first almost hesitantly with Harry finally sliding his tongue along Louis’ lips till they tangled theirs together. Harry lifted him, fitting Louis’ legs around his waist while holding him up with his massive hands spanning Louis’ ass. Harry carried them to his bedroom before easing him down carefully onto the bed. They tugged shirt and pants and socks off frantically not able to break their lips for long. 

Louis felt his heart exploding and his skin burning each time Harry ran his fingers along his hips up his side and down his spine. He was panting and knew Harry was just as overwhelmed as he was. They made quick work of prepping Louis with three fingers till he was withering and whimpering under Harry who was trying to catch each noise Louis made in his mouth. 

“Harry, mm’ ready,” Louis said breathily. Harry paused and Louis was staring deep into his eyes and could see the way the green changed as it reached the outer ring of his iris and the way his long lashes brushed his cheeks as he blink or the way his curl fell lightly around his head and fuck. Louis was so incredibly gone for this boy. Always had been hadn't he?

Harry’s body was engulfing Louis in the best way possible. He felt overwhelmed by his scent and the way his skin felt as he slowly pushed into Louis. Louis lost his breath a bit when Harry bottomed out. 

Louis felt full, he had never felt so full in his life. It felt like every crack and crevice of empty space he had was being filled up by Harry. Harry loved him and Louis felt like his entire being could explode from how it made him feel. 

“Louis,” Harry was panting as he started to move the tiniest bit. 

“Move,” Louis choked a bit as Harry started to pull all the way out causing Louis to push back not wanting to feel so empty. Before he could argue Harry was pushing back into him fast and oh jesus pleasure curled in Louis’ belly and he clawed at Harry’s back trying to pull him closer when Harry had pulled almost all the out again.

Harry repeated the move leaving Louis breathless and sweating clawing desperately down  Harry’s back trying to keep in inside him. He was meeting Harry’s slow pulls and quick thrusts feeling how deep he was reaching hitting the spot that made Louis unable to control his moans. They picked up the pace and Harry wasn't simply on top of Louis he was wrapped entirely around him, kissing him while lifting him up and spreading his ass cheeks to push even deeper. Louis was almost screaming as Harry began pounding into that spot.

“Harry, oh—oh god Harry please, uhhh” Louis was yelling and he knew it but he couldn't stop himself. His skin was flushed and pleasure so sweet was curling in his belly and he knew he wouldn't last long. He was begging Harry. Begging him to absolutely _ruin_ him. To wreck anybody else for him and make Louis his. “Please, Harry,” Louis begged his voice rough and wrecked. 

A hand wrapped around his aching cock and Harry kissed him fiercely before he was coming so hard his entire body clenched. He felt Harry stutter his his and pant loudly above him as he finished inside Louis. Harry collapsed and they stayed wrapped even tighter around each other than before. 

“I love you,” Harry whispered as he gathered Louis into his arms before lifting them both off the bed. Louis was spent his limbs shaky as Harry placed him on the cold counter. He cringed and shivered while Harry quickly turned the shower on and Louis was already sighing feeling the steam warm relax his muscles even further. 

Louis reached his arms out and Harry pulled him down from the counter placing Louis’ feet on top of his own and Louis giggled. He felt tiny compared to Harry and he kind of loved the way Harry was able to completely take him over. 

The spray was hot and Louis scrubbed the drying cum from their tummies rubbing at the muscles in Harry’s shoulders before pulling him close. 

They stayed like that for a bit letting the warm water run over them before finally climbing out and toweling off. It was chilly in the apartment and Harry grabbed Louis a massive sweater that went far past his hands and a pair of thick sweats before getting dressed in similar attire. Louis didn't need to look at the clock to know that it was incredibly early by now. He could see the first start of the sun rising, pink and orange coloring the normally grey sky.

“I’m not tired yet,” Harry looked at him and admitted. 

“Mm’ not really either. Tea?” Louis suggested and Harry smiled softly before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the kitchen. Louis grabbed two mugs while Harry set the kettle on the stove. They were both quiet not feeling like much needed to be said because their small touches and smiles said enough.

Harry leaned against the counter and Louis stayed camped out on top of his feet with his arms wrapped around his middle simply listening to Harry’s heart beat.  It was soothing and Louis had never felt so at home or at peace as he did in that moment and he should feel scared right? He should be terrified but it was Harry and honestly he trusted Harry with his everything hoping that he would get his in return. 

The kettle whistled and Harry placed kisses to Louis temple before capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. Louis looked up when he pulled away and saw the green orbs looking at him so full of love that Louis never wanted to be anywhere than right here in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few questions for my lovely readers! Just some things I've been thinking about and I wanted to know what you all thought;
> 
> Do you feel like this is a coherent story? Meaning does it have like an okay plot to follow?
> 
> Is my writing fluid and easy to follow? I've read some stories and I've wondered if my writing comes off as choppy and awkward. 
> 
> Does it feel like its dragging on or do you feel like the story is still building?
> 
> Let me know what you think and know that I appreciate all of you and your thoughts xx


	23. The Smell of Cinnamon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has turned into a monster and I'm not even mad about it (; 
> 
> To the 5k of people who have read this and kept up so far here is a 5k word chapter as a present!

They were on the train back to Holmes Chapel and Louis couldn’t stop bouncing his leg and Harry was going to tie him down in about two seconds. He knew Louis was nervous but this was ridiculous. Harry reached over to place a firm hand on his thigh to stop it from bouncing and Louis bit his lip.

“Sorry, I’m nervous and I have nothing else to focus on,” Louis had his head down and was still gnawing on his bottom lip viciously. Harry wanted nothing more than to ease this intense anxiety he knows Louis has been feeling for weeks. They had stayed up all night and ended up packing frantically all day before Niall dropped them off at the train station. Their lack of sleep was obviously contributing to Louis erratic behavior so Harry slipped his hand into Louis’ and placed a kiss on his temple before snuggling closer willing Louis to fall asleep with him. 

Apparently it worked because Harry woke up slowly feeling the train slowing down. Louis was resting on his shoulder eyes closed, light puffs of breathe escaping his lips. Harry smiled happy that the worry lines that usually resided between Louis’ brows had eased and he looked almost peaceful for once. Harry peeked outside the window and saw that they were pulling into the station. 

Eager to see his mum Harry lightly shook Louis awake, who was a bit startled but he smiled sleepily back up at him. 

“Are we here?” Louis asked scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up pulling his jacket up from the floor by their feet.

“Yeah we are. You ready?” Harry asked gathering their belongings scattered around them. Louis put his head down but Harry could see a small smile still there. 

Louis got up as the train stopped and tried to grab their bags from the overhead compartment but he couldn’t quite reach his shirt riding up exposing a strip of his tan abs and Harry was stuck between wanting to bite his tummy or help him before his expression turned more frustrated. Harry went under his arm and stood behind him reaching up and grabbing their duffle bags from above with ease and he could see Louis huff annoyed by Harry’s drastic growth spurt since they were kids. 

Harry simply pecked Louis on the lips quick before making their way off the train. The platform was fairly busy considering the time. He figured a ton of people were traveling for the holidays as well. Harry craned his neck trying to spot his mum and sister but couldn't seem to find them anywhere so they kept walking duffle bags slung over their shoulders. 

Louis had slipped his mitten covered hand into Harry’s and Harry led them through the crowd towards the main building. 

“Harry! Louis!” Someone behind them was shouting and they both whirled around to see Gemma standing there waving at them like a crazy woman, Anne smiling next to her. Harry was practically dragging Louis along now he could feel him stumbling a bit behind him but he was just so excited to see his mum and Gemma. 

He released Louis’ hand and threw his arms around the both of them pulling them tight to his chest. He towered over them now and with his freakishly long arms being wrapped around them he could almost grab his own hand. His mum smelled so much like apples and cinnamon and home that it made his heart flutter in relief. 

Releasing them he stepped back to see Louis staring at the ground shuffling his feet a bit. Harry could see the nervous energy radiating off him and the way his muscles were pulled taunt in his shoulders. Before Harry could pull him back into his arms his mum was rushing past him and pulling Louis to her chest. 

Harry froze and he saw Louis tense even further his face scrunched up in pain and Harry was ready to pull his mom off gently before Louis slowly eased his hands around her waist and hugged her back. Harry watched in awe as Louis went from a limp noodle to clutching her tightly his small hands curling into the fabric of her jacket. He could see the slight shake of Louis’ shoulders and Gemma slid an arm around his waist resting her head on his shoulder. 

Louis and his mum pulled apart and he watched them both wipe their eyes dry and Harry couldn't help himself. The slight red tint to Louis’ nose from the cold and the way his eyes were now rimmed red and a bit puffy as he wiped his mitten across them had Harry gripping Louis’ sweater where his jacket was unzipped and pulling him to his to connect their lips.

The surprised Louis pulled back a bit before gently pushing himself up on his tiptoes as Harry smiled into the kiss pressing their cold noses together. Louis’ eyes were blindingly bright, the unshed tears shimmering over his irises making them look like the waves that would crash in the purest blue ocean. Louis’ lips twitched into a smile and they made their way to the car with his family. 

“How was the ride?” Gemma asked pulling her long hair into a ponytail poking out of the bottom of her cable knit hat. 

“Long, incredibly long,” Harry sighed lifting their luggage into the boot. He was ready to crawl into bed with Louis next to the fireplace in the guest room. 

“Well, we’ll have to get you a proper cuppa when we get back now won’t we,” Gemma was smiling brightly as they climbed into the car. Harry was exhausted but ecstatic to being going home. The ride from the train station was short and quiet Harry was stroking Louis’ hand loving the way his skin felt under his callused thumb.  

They pulled up and Harry could see the lights on inside his childhood home and he had been home a few times since uni but not as often as he had wanted. He realized how much he had missed by leaving here too early. Leaving his mum and Robin, leaving Zayn and especially leaving Louis. 

They unloaded and trudged into the house the sun starting to set leaving the sky a mix of orange and purple. Robin greeted them warmly hugging them both tightly, Robin had only come into the picture a few years after Harry turned thirteen yet still he loved them like they were his kids. 

The night was cozy and soft full of blankets and cups of tea. They chatted until Anne started yawning and excused herself to go to bed, where Robin followed. Gemma lasted a bit longer but before that Louis was already almost asleep in Harry’s lap. He played with his fringe, brushing it off his forehead and playing with the soft fuzz on the back of his neck. Louis hummed appreciatively his eyes closing for short periods of time before he’d jerk awake. Once Gemma called it a night Harry stroked Louis’ hair trying to get him to wake up enough to get upstairs. Louis wouldn’t budge. He’s cuddled into Harry’s lap his cheek smooshed on his arm thats draped over both of Harry’s thighs. 

“Louis,” Harry ran his hands through Louis’ messy fringe, “Louis, baby it’s time to go upstairs for bed,” Harry cooed as Louis shifted in his lap smiling into Harry’s pant leg. Louis sat up and wrapped his arms around Harry, shifting so that he was straddling the younger boy. 

“Carry me,” Louis whine and Harry knew Louis wasn’t really being seriously but that didn't stop him from scooping Louis up against his chest and hitching his legs around his waist. Louis yelped and gripped the back of Harry’s neck tighter, squeezing his legs to keep from falling. “I was kidding but this works,” Louis laughed into Harry’s neck. 

Slowly they went up the stairs to Harry’s childhood bedroom dropping them both onto the bed. Neither made a move right away, both too tired to peel their dirty clothes from the day off. Louis made the first move, sliding his fingers under Harry’s shirt and lifting himself up enough to push it over his head. Louis stripped himself of his own shirt and started on the button of Harry’s pants. 

Harry sucked in a breathe as Louis’ fingers ran along the band of his briefs slipping under the fabric and curling to pull them slowly past his hips. Harry had to kick his legs a bit to get them completely off. Louis sat in his lap now completely naked too, their hot skin fleshing with goosebumps at the touch of cold fingers ghosting across cheeks, down necks and over collar bones. Louis pressed an open mouthed kiss to Harry’s neck and Harry couldn't suppress his light moaning. He felt himself fatten up under Louis’s bum wanting desperately to rut up over his tight pink hole. 

Louis was breathing heavily over him, hips twitching a bit at the feeling of Harry’s hard cock now rubbing between his cheeks. Harry gripped Louis’ bum and pushed up letting his cock slide between Louis’ cheeks making Louis’ moan  louder and crash their lips together. 

“Can I ride you? Nice and slow, just like this,” Louis breathed out rutting his hips harder into Harry. 

“Fuck—yes, god, yes,” Harry whined gripping Louis ass tight before sliding his fingers to circle around his hole feeling it clench and Louis whimpered. Louis clambered off of him to grab the lube he had hidden in his bag while Harry pulled himself to sit up higher on the bed.

Louis turned back around shyly and Harry opened his arms for Louis to crawl into, slowly sliding their lips together. Their tongues tangled and they kissed like they were stuck in molasses. Harry coated his fingers and pressed the first one in, curling it into Louis’ tight heat. Louis continued to kiss him his hips moving with Harry’s finger trying to push it deeper. Harry scissored in a second one pausing for a moment for Louis to adjust his other hand gripping Louis’ plump ass cheek kneading his fingers into it. 

Ghosting over Louis’ prostate he could feel Louis’ frustration in how he moved his hips trying to fuck himself down deeper onto Harry’s fingers but failing when each time Harry quickly pulled them back out teasing him. Louis panted desperately once Harry had three fingers in only brushing that spot lightly. He took it upon himself to reach behind him and slick up Harry’s now painfully throbbing cock and pulling Harry’s fingers out of him. 

Harry choked on his breathy moans and Louis wasted no time lining himself up and sinking down all in one motion. A loud moan escaping him despite their efforts to remain quiet. Louis circled his hips and Harry could feel the way his muscles twitch wanting to snap into Louis hard and fast. 

Slow, he didn't want hard and fast right now he wanted slow and desperate, leaving Louis on edge until he physically needed Harry to do something. Harry moved his hips pulling out his cock letting it drag along the inside of Louis letting him feel the sweet friction before pushing deep back into him causing Louis to lose his breath. Harry continued the slow thrusts until Louis was whimpering above him desperately trying to get Harry to move his hips faster. His golden skin was flushed, his lips bitten pink. Harry ran his hands up Louis’ spine pressing each vertebrae along the way, threading his fingers into Louis’ sweaty fridge before tugging it back exposing his neck. 

Harry sat up to nip at it, dragging his nails down the back of Louis’ neck and using his other hand to pull Louis closer too him forcing himself that much deeper. Louis was all breathy moans and whimpers seeming to finally have had enough of the teasing. His hands that gripped Harry’s shoulders pushed him down his nails digging into Harry’s chest. Louis lifted him self up before thrusting himself down fast the sound of slapping skin and moans filling the room. Harry sat back and let Louis work himself on his cock, admiring how beautiful he looked desperate for Harry to touch him. Harry was having trouble breathing with how amazing he felt right now with Louis’ tight heat around him and pleasure curling in his belly. Louis was whining out loud now as he thrust deeper and deeper, Harry knew Louis was close by the way his hips stuttered. Harry grabbed Louis’ leaking cock and gripped the head twisting his wrist in the way that he knew Louis loved. Louis’ hips stopped with Harry still buried deep inside him, he felt Louis’ hole clench around him, that and the noise Louis made as he coated Harry’ chest in cum had Harry releasing deep inside Louis only moments later. 

Louis collapsed on top of Harry not minding the mess. They both panted heavily and he could feel Louis’ damp hot breath on his neck. 

“I love you,” Harry said, pushing Louis’ sweating fringe off his forehead, “you are my everything,” he whispered into Louis’ ear feeling him shiver and curl in closer before falling asleep sticky and sweaty to deal with in the morning. 

***

They woke up to Anne calling them down for breakfast. Harry rolled over in the bed to kiss Louis’ awake. Louis slowly fluttered his eyes open his sleepy smile leaving Harry beaming back at him his dimples puckering in his cheeks.

“Happy Birthday babe,” Harry said placing more soft kisses on Louis’ lips, his nose, his chin, his forehead and back to his lips trying not to get carried away while his mum was waiting downstairs. They quickly showered and shared wet, soapy kisses before pulling on their comfiest sweats and jumpers. They planned on having breakfast here with Harry’s family and then heading over Louis’ for the rest of the trip before heading back to London. 

“Good morning boys,” Anne greeted them from where she was cooking a full english fry up from the counter. “Louis, Happy Birthday sweetie,” Louis walked over and gave her a hug and she placed a kiss on his forehead once he let go. Harry watched them fondly happy that things were finally starting to work out for him and Louis. That their amazing connection extended to their relationship with their families. 

Gemma finally crawled out of her hole to have breakfast with them, greeting Louis with a “Happy Birthday twat, good to have you around again,” and Louis had choked on his juice before busting out laughing. Robin showing up a few moments later patting Louis on the bad. They chatted and laughed enjoying his mum’s fabulous cooking. Anne dropped them off at Louis’ and from there is was a whirlwind of extended family greetings, Louis’ sisters and cousins, aunts and uncles all around the house. 

Harry had already forgotten half their names and spent most of the time camped out by the food enjoying one too many cookies. Louis was lit up like a christmas tree with all of his family around. He looked so lively and light it made Harry’s heart soar. He loved this Louis, the Louis that could be sassy and have fun. 

Jay had spotted Harry hanging back and made an excuse to the people she was talking with that the food dishes need to be refilled. 

“Help me Harry?” She asked motioning towards the kitchen. Harry nodded and followed her into the kitchen. “Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked searching through the fridge for more cheese slices. 

“Yeah, I love seeing Louis like this,” Harry told her chopping up more carrot slices. 

“He wasn't always like this you know,” unwrapping dishes she turned towards him, “happy that is,” she added. Harry stopped what he was doing and looked up at her.

“What do you mean?” Harry was curious what she meant.

“Louis has always been a nervous child, it started mostly after his father left the first time and it got worse as he got older. I know I put too much pressure on his to take care of his sisters and I know that, that contributed to it but Harry, I’m not blaming you, I’m not because Louis made some mistakes too, but when you left, it was like he died Harry,” Jay looked on the verge of tears wiping at her eyes trying not to smudge her makeup. Harry’s throat felt tight. Louis had mentioned that he was upset when Harry had left but not to what extent.

“He just…I think everything got to be too much for him Harry. His wasn't eating or going to school much or even talking to anyone. Zayn tried, he tried so hard to help Louis, bless that boy, but nothing worked. Louis ended up heavily medicated with a dead look in his eyes and I thought my baby boy was gone for good. I was terrified that if he left for uni he’d never come back, but here we are and he’s smiling and god Harry, I just wanted to thank you for saving him, for loving him and making him smile again. I can never thank you enough for always being there to take care of Louis when I couldn’t,” Harry felt his own tears starting to fall. He felt guilty that he left, guilty that he left everybody behind but thankful that he’s here now and everything is what he had always wanted it to be. 

Jay looked at him seeing the few tears escape his eyes and Jay cooed rushing towards him to pull him into a tight hug. She smelled like cinnamon and apples, her soft sweater under his fingers. 

“Whatever happens between you too, whether you last forever or until tomorrow, you will always be family to me. You and your mother and of course Gemma and Robin,” she laughed out pulling back to fix his mess of curls like a real mum. She smiled and patted his cheek before grabbing the new appetizers and bringing them out to the party. 

Harry wiped his eyes and grabbed the rest of the food to bring it out for everyone. The wall of noise hit him once again, the warm almost magically atmosphere of Christmas surrounding them. There were light laughs echoing through the room and Harry could see Louis with Daisy in his lap eating a gingerbread cookie all soft smiles and fond eyes.

Louis must have felt him starring because he looked over at him from across the room his smile widening and his eyes seemed to sparkle like the crystal ornaments on the tree. He lead Daisy out of his lap and got up making his way over to Harry slipping a hand around his waist and resting his head on Harry’s chest. Harry pressed a kiss onto the top of his head pulling him that much closer.

“Having fun?” Louis looked up at him and asked. 

“Yeah, I am. You know I love your family,” Harry squeezed Louis before letting go to grab a bite of Jay’s pickle roll-ups. 

“Wanna get away for a bit? Could use a bit of quiet,” Louis asked slyly grabbing Harry’s hand. Harry smirked back.

“You go upstairs first, I’ll follow in a minute.” Harry pulled Louis’ closer, “don’t want anyone to interrupt while I’m making love to you, my cock so deep inside you, you’ll struggle to be quiet,” Harry whispered hotly in his ear and he could hear Louis’ intake of breath and the way his cheeks turned bright red. 

He watched Louis retreat up the stairs and he couldn't help but stare intensely at the way his tight pants clung to his full behind. Harry waited a few moments and looked around before following up the stairs to Louis’ bedroom. 

Harry quietly opened and closed the door locking it behind him and there was a very naked Louis all lain out on the bed two fingers inside himself twisting and rolling to stretch himself. Harry felt himself instantly get painfully hard at the sight of a flushed Louis breathing heavily and stroking his cock. 

Slowly, Harry peeled of his shirt and the rest of his clothes giving Louis a short show before encircling his large cock in his hand and walking forward. Louis was whimpering with want his three fingers not quiet reaching the spot he needed. Harry was more than happy to help. 

“You ready for me baby?” Harry asked crawling onto the bed in between Louis’ legs and biting gently up his thighs making sure to take his time on the sensitive spot on his hip.

“Harry, please I’m ready,” Louis panted below him as Harry kissed up his chest and connected their lips sloppily. They needed to be quick and frankly Harry didn't think he would last too long with the noises Louis was making beneath him. Harry slicked himself up quickly with the lube Louis had used and pushed in achingly slow. They needed rough and fast, he needed to make Louis feel every part of him and he wanted to make Louis scream despite his family being downstairs.

Quick deep thrusts into Louis’ tight heat had the familiar feeling of pleasure curling in Harry’s stomach. He knew Louis was close based off of the way he drug his nails down Harry’s back. Harry gripped Louis’ hips hoping to leave finger print bruises behind to remind him that Louis was his. Thrusting quicker staying buried deep in Louis, Harry felt Louis’ tighten around him coming without even touching him. It turned Harry on more than he’d cared to admit and it was only moments later that he was burning in white hot pleasure wrapped around Louis. They laid panting together, Harry kissing Louis’ shoulder before slowly pulling out. 

“I don’t want to move,” Harry whined. 

“Harry, we need to get back downstairs,” Louis chuckled. “We’ve already been gone for too long,” Louis added rolling over and grabbing a towel to clean himself off. Harry sighed, rolling the other way to get dressed quickly. Harry sat dressed on the edge of the bed tugging fingers through his curls trying to make sure it didn't look like they had just had sex. Louis was pulling on his pants watching him with a small smile. Louis’ hair was a mess his fringe sticking up all over the place. Louis came and climbed into Harry’s lap each leg on either side of him and wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck. They looked each other in the eye and Harry saw the deep swirling blues of Louis’s eyes, the way his dark lashed stood out against his tan skin. Something twisted deep in his gut screaming at him that this was it. It hurt how much he loved him with every part of his being. Louis tucked his head into the crook of Harry’s neck taking a deep breath before pulling back and climbing off of Harry. 

“Common babe, lets go,” Louis smiled and stuck his hand out for Harry to take. Harry smiled and realized, he would follow Louis anywhere. 

***

Christmas was a haze of soft kisses and smiles, loud laughs and teary eyes as Louis’ and Harry’s family spent the day together. The girls were spoiled absolutely rotten by both Jay and Anne getting plenty of new clothes and everything they wanted. Harry getting new leather bound journals and a new sweater was thrilled and Louis beamed when he opened his presents and found new wools socks and a new Manchester footie jersey. They all over stuffed themselves with turkey and potatoes and finishing the night off with cookies and other desserts before having to carry the girls to bed. 

Harry and Louis’ stayed downstairs by the fireplace cuddled up in knit blankets after everyone else had left and gone to bed. Louis had pulled out a small box and when Harry opened it he found a long silver chain with a paper airplane dangling off of it, on the backside the words ‘Haz & Lou’ were engraved into and Harry loved it. 

“It’s perfect,” Harry breathed out placing the cold metal chain around his neck. It hung right above his cross resting between his sparrows right where it should be. “Your’s next,” Harry had been waiting to give Louis his present all night. Harry had gotten Louis’ a similar gift. He had gotten Louis engraved dog tags one has Louis’ information on them and the other Harry’s. It’s supposed to symbolize that wherever Louis’ goes Harry will be with him and that they’re always be right there for each other. Corny, yes, but Harry loved the idea that people will see his name there and everybody will know that Louis is his. 

“I love them,” Louis smiled softly at him his thumb running over the cool metal. Harry was on cloud nine. 

“I love you,” Harry leaned forward and kissed the tip of Louis’ nose before kissing his soft lips. 

“I love you too,” Louis breathed out kissing him again. 

“Thank you, for coming back here and coming here with me,” Harry admitted to him as Louis’ fingers brushed up and down the bare skin on his ribs under his thick sweater. 

If they spent the rest of the night snogging next to the fire watching the snow fall, well then no one had to know. 

***

The next couple days though were different. It felt as though Louis’ phone starting ringing what felt like all the time. Most of the time Louis left it to ring but a few times he’d take it into the other room. It was frustrating because Louis would get all jumpy when he’d ask who it was. 

They were camped out in the kitchen at Jay’s mixing yet another batch of dough for cookies to bring home with them when they leave. Louis’ phone buzzed in his pocket and he could see Louis tense from where he was standing in the kitchen stirring the bowl. He wiped his hands on his jeans and then pulling it out for only a moment before shoving it back into his pocket quickly. 

“Looks like we are out of eggs. I’m gonna run to the store quick,” Louis rushed out walking over to plant a quick kiss on Harry’s forehead. He was out the door before Harry could even get a word out. Daisy and Phoebe looked at him weird before they went back to decorating their already made cookies. 

Harry sat there dumbfounded for a minute before getting up to put the half mixed dough in the fridge before it goes bad. They really had made a mess, there was flour everywhere and Harry tried his best to clean it up and find plastic wrap to cover the bowl with. When Harry placed the bowl in the fridge he froze. Two dozen eggs sat stacked right in front next to the milk. 

Louis’ behavior was…weird. He sighed figuring it was Louis just being forgetful. He herded Daisy and Phoebe into the other room to watch Frozen for the millionth time this weekend. 

The front door opened sometime later Frozen long over and the twins passed out around him. Harry was fidgety. Louis had left over two hours ago and when he walked in he wasn't even carrying a bag of groceries. Harry frowned and watched as Louis carefully toed off his shoes and went into the kitchen. 

He came into the living room moments later with two steamy cups of tea, sitting down next to Harry. Questions were swirling around in his head, for starters where the hell had he gone for so long. Apparently not the grocery store because Louis came back empty handed. Louis looked exhausted, the dark bags under his eyes seeming more prominent than normal. Harry too the cup letting the heat warm his hands hoping that it’d seep into his heart as well.

“You were gone for a long time,” Harry moved to turn towards Louis to catch his reaction and yet he got none. Louis sat stock still, his eyes blank. 

“I ran into Eleanor at the grocery store and we ended up going to get coffee,” Louis sounded as if it pained him to say what he just had. Harry felt himself stiffen, Louis knew the history between him and Eleanor, he knew that Harry was in love him then while they were together. 

“Is that so. Could've at least texted me, your sisters where wondering where you went,” Harry was dead tired, tired of the drama and the hurt feelings. He set his mug down and got up heading downstairs towards the guest bedroom instead of Louis’. 

“Harry, where are you going?” Louis whisper yelled from the couch. 

“I think I’d rather sleep alone tonight if you don’t mind,” Harry didn't look at Louis he just kept going quietly closing the door to the too empty guest room. Harry was already in a comfy jumper and joggers so he climbed into the bed that smelled vaguely of dust and that damp basement smell. He missed Louis already, the way he would curl into Harry his warmth  easing him into a peaceful sleep. This bed was cold and uncomfortable making it impossible to fall asleep. 

He tossed and turned in the scratchy sheets only falling asleep a few times before a chill would run up his spine. Louis never tried to come in, never tried to ask Harry to come to bed. Harry had wanted his alone time but he wanted Louis at the same time. 

The next morning was quiet as they packed up their stuff early in the morning, the girls and Jay awake to say goodbye before driving them to the bus station. Harry wasn't sure what had happened to Louis in the last forty-eight hours but it left a gap miles wide between them when they boarded the train heading back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo? Not many comments lately, starting to wonder whats up! xx


	24. Cheers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ahead of time.

They had come back from Holmes Chapel a couple days before New Years Eve, opting to spend it in London with their friends. Niall was of course planning a huge party which was sure to be crazy. Every year the cops came and then stayed a bit to have a bit of food and a good laugh because that’s just who Niall is. A charmer to all.

Harry and Louis had been quiet since they got back both a bit tired from the long trip and lingering chaos of the holidays. Liam and Niall had stopped by the day they got back and they spent the night watching movies together not leaving much room for Harry to talk to Louis. He didn’t want to talk yet really either. The more Harry thought about it the more he realized he wasn't mad that Louis went and talked with Eleanor because that was in the past, he was upset because Louis’ wasn't acting like Louis. 

At breakfast the next morning Louis’ phone buzzed and Harry looked up from his plate to see Louis look at it and slip it back in his pocket till it stopped. They go back to eating and watching tv quietly together when Louis’ phone goes off again and Louis doesn’t even look at it.

“Not going to get that?” Harry questions his fork pausing halfway to his mouth. Louis fidgets a bit and sets his bite of food down. 

“It’s just a telemarketer,” Louis brushes it off quickly and gets up to empty his practically full plate into the trash. “Been calling here and there,” Louis adds before heading down the hall into the bathroom.

Harry sighed, he knew Louis was hiding something. He always knew because Louis wasn’t giggling and Harry already missed his smile. Forgiving Louis was tough. When Harry first saw him at that party it took all of Harry’s willpower to keep himself still, to keep himself from either running or throwing his arms around Louis and pulling him close till their bodies molded together permanently. He had felt like a bus hit him head on and then backed up over him again and repeat. His heart had been hammering in his chest because god did Louis look beautiful. He always did but his fringe was styled and his golden skin glowed in the dim lights and yet his eyes shown so bright they had left Harry stunned. 

It was a bumpy start, he could never decide whether he was actually mad or if he was still so in love with Louis that it frustrated him to the point of lashing out. It hurt but he was in love with Louis after all these years and finally there was no point in fighting it because it would always be true. 

“Lou?” Harry called out down the hallway but there was no response. “Lou?” Harry tried again creeping down the hallway trying to find him. The bathroom door was cracked open enough for Harry to peek inside. He was about to just waltz in and push Louis up against the counter to snog the living day lights out of him but something about Louis’ demeanor that made him stop. 

He was searching through the cabinet in an almost manic way pushing things aside and dropping things on the counter. Harry stood outside the door hiding from Louis and feeling dread creep into his stomach. 

Louis had stopped hands still in the cabinet but Harry knew what he was holding. His suspicions were confirmed when Louis slowly lowered the bottle of pills cradling them in his hands staring at it like it was the cause of cancer worldwide. His face contorted into a flash of agony and Louis ripped open the bottle with shaky hands and swallowed two pills dry. He dropped the empty bottle in the sink and gripped the counter with white knuckles his head hung low. 

Harry backed away slowly towards the kitchen and started cleaning up their dishes from breakfast. After a few minutes Louis trudged back in and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist pressing his face into the space between his shoulder blades. 

“You okay Lou?” Harry tried to keep his voice clear of any emotion. 

“Yeah, thank you for cooking,” Louis pulled back and smiled and Harry’s throat felt tight. Harry just nodded. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Wasn’t sure whether it was hurt that Louis was hiding this from him or anger that Louis was hiding _this_ from him. 

“Alright,” Harry sighed putting plates down to dry. “And your welcome,” He added placing a soft kiss on Louis’ head before walking away. He needed a hot shower, he needed a few moments to think to himself. 

Harry was freaked out, he had never seen this side of Louis and he wasn't sure what was going on. 

The ignored phone calls kept happening and Louis was getting more fidgety and Harry could tell that he was feeling restless by the way he kept tugging his hair up all over the place or the fact that he couldn't sit still. It bothered Harry because he couldn't figure out what on earth could possible have Louis this riled up and every time he asked what was wrong Louis always answered that he, ‘had a lot of homework’ or he had ‘an exam to study for’. 

As much as Harry wanted to believe him he knew it was a lie. He’s known Louis for so long he can read the anxiety and guilt on his face every time he told Harry he was just tired. He was jumpy and snappy to the point that if Harry tried to touch him sometimes he would flinch and he always excused himself to his room. Harry was at a loss for what to do. 

Liam and Zayn had started to notice Louis’ erratic behavior as well and Louis reacted almost the same way to their questions and confused looks. It was getting to the point that it was so bad even Niall’s happy demeanor was starting to be effected. 

The last straw was when Louis stopped coming home until the early hours of the of the morning having been gone all night. Harry still stayed over hoping to catch a glimpse of Louis these days. It was 2:45 am and Louis still wasn't home as Harry tossed and turned in their bed. He doesn't understand whats happening to them. When did Louis start distancing himself? It hurt more than it should to be left alone the sheets cold around him. 

Harry could hear the door open and close quietly. He knew it was Louis because Liam was rarely home now either. Soft footsteps could be heard going towards the bathroom and Harry being fed up pushed back the covers and made his way down the hall to the bathroom. The door was closed and light was peaking out around the edges illuminating the floorboards in the hallway. 

The murmur of Louis talking was muffled and Harry pressed his ear to the door trying to catch a few words of the hushed conversations.

“No….” there was a pregnant pause before Louis started talking again, “You can’t come over tonight,” and Harry’s heart started pumping painfully as he pressed his ear closer to the door, “No, you cant…because, Harry’s here—I’m sorry…I’ll come around tomorrow night,” Louis was rushing and Harry’s heart was pounding so hard he could feel it breaking. He gripped the door frame to keep him standing.What the hell was that about? Was Louis cheating on him? 

Harry felt a bit light headed as he quickly stumbled back towards the bedroom before Louis found him. His chest felt tight as he struggled to put up a facade that he was sleeping when Louis came in a few moments later. He felt the bed dip and Louis snuggled up behind his back but didn't wrap an arm around him. He was curled into a ball and pressed up against Harry which was more than he’d offered in what felt like weeks. It made his stomach lurch because oh god. Louis was cheating on him. His blood ran cold as he thought about the phone calls he wouldn't answer in front of him, the way he stayed out all day and all night, the snappy behavior and the way he’d barely let Harry kiss him now-a-days. 

Harry tried not to let the sting behind his eyes turn into falling tears while Louis was pressed up against him. 

The next morning felt cold and grim. They sat facing each other sipping tea quietly while the tv played the news on mute. Harry couldn't shake the ice in his veins or the way there was a constant vice-grip on his heart squeezing it as a constant reminder of what was going on. Harry didn't know what to do, didn't know how to bring it up. 

He got his answer when Louis phone started vibrating in his pocket, and Harry felt his muscle tense in anticipation. Louis glanced at it before putting it back quickly.

“Who’s calling you?” Harry couldn't keep the malice out of his voice and Louis looked up at him wide eyed and panicked, Harry rarely was angry with him anymore. 

“It’s just Zayn, I’ll call him back later,” Louis stuttered out and that only seemed to make Harry’s blood boil. He was not a fool. 

“Who’s actually calling you Louis,” Harry tried, his voice coming out deeper and more intimidating. 

“Seriously Harry its just—,” Louis started but Harry stopped him, he didn't need Louis to lie to his face.

“I know it’s not any of the boys or you mum so who the hell is calling you all the time that you can’t answer in front of me? Who couldn’t come over because I was here last night, huh Louis? Who are you going to meet with tonight till all hours of the morning leaving me alone!” Harry was shouting now. Angry for letting himself act on his feelings for Louis again only to get burned a second time.

“Harry what are you talking about—,” Louis tried to talk again but Harry didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear any bullshit excuses about staying out late to study or to work when he clearly wasn’t.

“I know you’re cheating on me Louis and I honestly cannot believe how stupid I was to trust you again. You never change do you? Everything is always about you and you are still that selfish and cruel kid I left behind in Holmes Chapel,” Harry spat at him and Louis visibly crumbled. 

“Harry you’ve got it all wrong I was going to tell you about him—,” Harry had heard enough he pushed up from the table knocking the chair over backwards. _Him._ He was going to tell Harry about _him._ The words played over and over again making him want to empty the contents of his stomach on the floor. He stalked down the hallway towards the bedroom to grab his things to leave. He couldn't be here anymore, couldn't listen to Louis tell him he didn't love him and that he loved someone else. Couldn't let the guy he’d been in love with basically his entire life rip his heart out for a second time. His heart physically ached making it harder and harder to breathe and he couldn't be here anymore, he needed to leave. Harry made it to the bedroom before Louis managed to slide in front of him putting his hands out to stop Harry in his tracks. Harry simply pushed around him. 

“Harry—Harry! No please, don't leave, I can explain!” Louis was trying to grab Harry’s arms and stop him from packing up his stuff but Harry kept pushing him off harder and harder each time. Louis’s nails were leaving scratches up his arms as he desperately tried to get Harry to stop, loud sobs echoing in the room. Harry wasn't just grabbing his own stuff, he was blindly throwing other things that were in his way. 

“Harry Please!” Louis tried grabbing Harry’s stuff out of his arms but Harry kept walking. Louis was crying even harder now his voice desperate. Harry felt the woosh of air as the blood rushed to his head. He hated seeing Louis cry but he couldn't do this. It didn't matter what Louis had to say they were done. There was no going back from this. Louis kept yelling for him and Harry couldn't respond. He couldn't formulate words much less find enough air to even say them. Louis grabbed his arm again tugging his small stature unable to do anything against Harry’s bulk. He dug his nails in and Harry winced and shoved Louis off him again to get around him through the door. Harry checked for his phone before heading to the front door. He was so close to getting away from this, from _Louis._ He never thought he’d ever want to get away from Louis. 

“No! Harry don’t go please” Louis was screaming behind him, “Harry, please!” Louis tried grabbing his shirt this time only succeeding for a moment before he stumbled having to let go to catch himself. “HARRY PLEASE!” Harry could hear Louis heart-retching sobs and he trembled as his own heart turned cold. 

“You are a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend much less a friend Louis. I don't date cheaters and I certainly don’t date liars. You are a coward, always have been and that’s all you ever will be,” Harry’s voice sounded dead and cold in his own ears. There was no fond overlay like there normally was when talking to Louis, no light banter or flirty remarks. He knew he was being harsh but he was hurting and he was aiming to destroy right now without thinking it through.

He opened the door and peeked over his shoulder for half a second to see Louis sitting on the floor. Tears streaming down his face as he sobbed loudly into his folding arms. Harry couldn't look any longer before leaving and slamming the door behind him. He’d always loved Louis and he loved him so much it hurt. With stiff limbs and a broken heart he made his way home not knowing what was going to happen to him now. 

***

Harry didn't cry. He didn't get mad, he just went home and slept until Zayn had come by and cuddled him. Apparently Liam had called him, which…okay.  

Frankly, Harry didn't want to know how Louis was or what he had to say. He was just done. So when on New Years Eve Harry found himself at Niall’s dancing the night away with hot strangers, Zayn, Liam and Niall had all given him worried looks. He wasn't reacting like they had thought he would and they also hadn't said a word about the matter either knowing it was pointless.

Niall was giving him this look that he rarely ever had, it was one of worry and also confusion. Harry was taking a sip of his drink and Niall kept looking at him. It felt like his eyes were burning holes into his back and Harry snapped a bit.

“What Niall?! Whatever you want to say, just say it!” He wasn't shouting but he was certainly annoyed. Niall’s frown deepened and Harry felt weird because Niall doesn't frown. 

“I don’t get it mate,” He said simply taking a sip of his own drink.

“What don’t you get Niall?” Harry asked his tone full of annoyance.

“Lou—,” but Harry cut him off.

“I don’t want to hear it Niall,” Harry threw back the rest of his drink finishing it all in one gulp. 

“Harry, let me finish!” Niall yelled and Harry froze turning to look at him with wide eyes. “Something’s not right here, Louis doesn't lie, and he doesn't cheat, especially not on you mate. He loves you more than he can even fathom. Something is _wrong,_ ” Niall’s tone was off and Harry was looking at him like he’d grown a second head. 

“Well apparently he does Niall,” Harry was bitter and the bitter bite of alcohol was adding to the taste of it in his mouth. Niall sighed and shuffled away his party persona gone and Harry felt bad. It takes a lot to deflate Niall’s happy bubble.

A hand snaked up the back of his shirt and was resting on the warm skin of his lower back and Harry recognized the touch. Nick had finally found him again and Harry sunk into his touch relishing in the comfort of it, letting his guilt ease away. 

“Hey babe, you doing okay?” Nick shouted in his ear and Harry nodded. He could use another shot or two but he was great. 

“Can we get another drink?” Harry asked and it was Nick’s turn to nod. He guided Harry towards the makeshift bar at the other counter pouring them both three shots each. Harry knew he should stop but he wanted to have fun again, he welcomed the change. 

Tossing back the shots Harry’s teeth clenched from the burn and he smiled at Nick feeling the way the drinks warmed his belly. 

“Let’s dance!” he shouted and Nick was always more than happy to oblige. 

Harry was definitely way too drunk when the last few shots hit him. He was feeling lethargic and giddy all at once. Then it turned into just plain drunk and he felt like he had lost some control of his limbs as he was grinding filthily on Nick, his large hands on his waist and they weren't small like they should be. Then it hit him. 

He missed Louis.

Fuck. He really fucking missed Louis and his stupid lying face. 

“One minute till midnight!” someone shouted from the crowd turning up the music. Looking around he could see that everybody was grabbing drinks and a friend to kiss before midnight came.

Harry turned around and Nick could see it in his eyes, so he hugged him. He hugged him and Harry sighed trying to expel the feelings out of him, coming dangerously close to expelling something else as well. 

“Ten!” Because life isn't fair and it has the worst timing ever, Harry chose to look towards the door and just happen to see Louis come in eyes searching the crowd. 

“Nine!” He looked exhausted, Harry could see it from here, the dark bags under his eyes and his messy hair standing out. 

“Eight!” But then a second emotion took over, anger. In his drunken state Harry wasn't thinking straight, what the hell was he doing here? 

“Seven!” He had some nerve. Harry’s blood boiled and then he felt cold dread pump through his veins. 

“Six!” Was Louis here to see the guy he cheated with? 

“Five!” Harry felt like a volcano about to explode when Louis’ eyes found his and he saw Louis’ posture go rigid eyes full of pain.

“Four!” That was enough confirmation that he needed. 

“Three!” Harry looked at Louis one last time before turning away.

“Two!” He looked at Nick at did something he never thought he would.

“ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Harry was kissing Nick and it wasn't friendly. It was messy and sloppy and it felt all wrong but Harry was angry and hurt. When he looked up Louis was gone and he felt a tiny bit of regret and sadness, Louis didn't even get mad, he didn't get jealous like Harry had hoped. Harry stumbled and he felt Nick steady him, he was too drunk and he knew it. Letting Nick carry his dead weight to Niall’s bedroom to sleep it off he felt something unpleasant festering in his heart. Nick placed a kiss on his forehead and he knew he was forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha now you know what I mean....sorry...forgive me?
> 
> Update September 22nd at 12:00pm (US) Central/Daylight Time  
> so you guys know you won't have to wait forever to find out what happens!


	25. Nothing Will Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clenched teeth emoji* uhh..hi...

It was ringing again. The same generic ringtone over and over again and Louis can’t seem to escape it. It follows him everywhere, in class, at work, and the worst time is when he's with Harry. It won’t stop. _He_ won’t stop and Louis doesn't know what to do anymore. 

Louis had nothing left to give. He barely had anything to give in the first place. Harry had walked out that door and left him and as Louis sat in the middle of his apartment struggling to breathe every single thing he's done and mistake he’s made in his life is hitting him like a train. He cant breathe. 

His chest physically aches from the stress of trying to drag air into his burning lungs. He’s dizzy and this is what it must feel like to die because he truly feels dead. 

***

_Three Years Earlier-_

_It’s been like this for months. This dead feeling inside won’t cease no matter what he’s tried. Harry is gone and he doesn't blame him for leaving. Harry can do so much better than him. Everyone would be so much better off without him._

_Louis is just walking. He’s been doing this a lot. Just walking, mindlessly walking. He’s on his third loop around the park when he spots a familiar face on the bench reading a book and he freezes. He can’t do this. Not now. It’s too soon. Louis turns to leave but he hears a voice call out to him,_

_“Louis, don’t leave please,” Anne calls out to him softly and Louis can’t say no to her. Louis turns around and slowly walks over to her sitting down as far away from her on the bench as he can._

_“How have you been honey?” Anne asks scooting closer and Louis flinches the finest bit._

_“Fine,” he shrugs because he is ‘fine’ so to speak. He is still alive and breathing physically._

_“You don’t look fine Louis and I think its time someone stops tip-toeing around you and tells you. You look awful, like you’ve died Louis and its not right. What he did to you when you were a kid is not your fault. You didn't deserve any of it so don't let it ruin you,” she scooted closer and Louis was trembling a bit. “Harry did not leave you forever Louis. He needs his own time just like you need yours and you need to remember that. You need to pull yourself together Louis, if not for yourself, then do it for your family. Their afraid Louis, afraid that they’ve lost you and you need to fix that,” Anne rests and hand on his knee and Louis just can’t. He can’t process this because he knows, god does he know just how awful he’s being.  
Quickly Louis gets up and leaves not even bothering to say anything back because everything she said is true. Louis needed to in simpler terms, ‘get his shit together’ and he planned on it, not for himself so much but for his mum and sisters. _

_***_

_When Louis got to college he started classes and he tried. It was hard but he slowly peeled away years of issues, years of self-consciousness, years of selfish behavior and cowardliness. Louis was changing and he was finally proud of himself._

_So when his phone rang that first time he didn't know what to make of it. Craig Tomlinson had been on the other end of the line and Louis had froze hoping that this wasn't happening again._

_But it was._

_Money. That’s the first thing he wanted—demanded that Louis give him or else he’d start harassing his mum for it. He had made some bad deals gone wrong and Louis would give anything for him to leave his mum and sisters out of this. So he got a job, and then a second for awhile. All the extra money he made that didn't go towards school and his rent went straight to Craig Tomlinson._

_It didn't stop there. He somehow needed more and more each time he called. More than Louis could make at three jobs but he’ll be damned if he lets his dad contact his mum again. So he picks up more shifts and works the overnight shifts at the diner. When he couldn't get it fast enough the threats started coming. Not towards him though, Craig new Louis cared nothing about what happened to him. No, these threats involved his sisters. Craig had made some connections in jail and he ‘had people on the outside’ that could get things done for him and before he could even mention his sisters Louis’ shut him down saying he’d handle it._

_He did, handle it that is. He handled it until it was close to killing him but he did it and when Harry showed up he almost forgot about the threats and the stress. About if he screwed up his sisters would have to pay for his failure. He was dealing with it and it was a simple money transaction to his father in prison._

_Louis was happy. God he was so happy with his life and with Harry, until he got the courtesy phone call that his dad was out of jail. Craig Tomlinson was released on probationary terms after showing exceptionally improved behavior. Standing there in the kitchen at his mum’s house during the holiday’s he felt every bit of life he’d built back up drain out of him. The text demanding that he meet him ‘ASAP’ or he’d come to Louis had Louis running out the door without a second thought. He wanted that man no where near his family or Harry if he could help it._

_He met him at the park as far away from the house as he could think of. Louis fought his trembling limbs as he approached the man who was supposed to be his ‘father’. He looked much older, greying hair from the stress of prison and his malicious smile._

_“I need money and for you to find me a place to stay,” he told Louis and at first Louis refused._

_“I don’t think you understand me Louis, I need money and a place to stay or I will go back there and I will make them let me stay there, whatever that requires Louis. Make yourself useful for once,” he had added and Louis nodded. He would do anything to keep them safe._

_On his way home though Louis felt this crushing pressure on his chest. The confused look Harry had given him had left Louis struggling to come up with something to tell him and the worst thing he could have possibly said accidentally slipped out and he regretted it the second it left his lips._

_He hadn't met up with Eleanor, he hadn't spoken to her since after they talked about everything when they broke up years ago but it came out and the look Harry gave him just about killed him. He slept alone that night knowing that Harry was a better person than he was and that Louis should really separate himself from this before things get too bad. In all of this he didn't even realize just how far in his own world and problems he had become. That didn't matter now though._

As Louis sat there on the floor struggling with what to do next he couldn't find it in himself to care what happened to him anymore. He had always been a pathetic coward and he still was. A coward letting his past affect him, a coward letting his ‘dad’ beat him down and boss him around. Louis felt what little happiness he had left die inside him the moment Harry walked out that door. 

Louis had one thing he needed to do now. He needed to find a way to take down his father. 

_****_

Louis tried to start small, gathering evidence to turn into the cops because his dad had made friends that could get him out of basically everything. He grabbed used needles, shirts with his fathers blood and other illegal substances on it bagging them and hiding them away. He took pictures of his money that he had to give him and his fathers bank statements that sat out on the table. He printed out the text messages and downloaded the voicemails to his computer. He took pictures of his bruises and injuries and recorded dates and times. 

He didn't know much but he hoped that with the combination of everything he could have his father put away again for the rest of his life. He just needed to wait for a time where it made it look like it wasn't him who turned him in to begin with. If his father knew it was him he wouldn’t bother with Louis, he would go straight to his mum. 

It was New Years Eve and Louis in pain. His dad had gone into another drunken rage and Louis had to throw his keys out the window to keep them away from him. That had resulted in a few good punches to the gut and then some, landing him in the ER with two fractured ribs. As much as it hurt it was further proof that Louis could use making it worth it. 

He wasn't lying when he said it hurt though. It hurt to walk, it hurt to move, it hurt to breath really and the last thing he wanted was to go to Niall’s but he needed Liam’s key to get into their apartment having lost his in the key debacle. Louis could hear the party from the first floor and he dreaded what was about to come. He opened the door and the wall of sound hit him. He could feel the bass vibrating through him and it was sending sharp pains up his side. Louis let his eyes struggle to search the crowd for Liam wanting to get the key and run. 

Luck wasn't on his side. His eyes like a bug to a lamp found the familiar curly mop in the crowd and Louis wanted to cry. He hadn't seen Harry at all and it added extra pressure to his already pained chest. Harry wasn't drunk, he looked proper pissed, his eyes looked glazed over and his was mostly being held up by Nick. 

Fucking Nick. Louis felt jealousy eat at him but then again, it wasn't his place to say anything anymore. Harry had left on his own will and even if he told Harry what was going on it wouldn't fix anything romantically between them at this point. Louis felt the same numb feeling wash over him again. He couldn’t dwell on something he didn't deserve. He weaved through the crowd trying to be as careful as possible but getting jostled a bit too much here and there. By the time he found Liam, Louis felt a bit breathless and sweaty from the exertion  of walking through the pain. He felt a bit dizzy and nauseous the pain meds having worn off long ago. 

“Louis! You came!” A clearly drunk Liam shouted at him, which okay. Liam doesn't drink so it was a bit strange. Louis staggered a bit though resting on the counter next to Liam. 

“Yeah, I just need your key to the apartment, I lost mine,” Louis asked pushing himself up to get out of here as soon as possible. 

“Yeah, sure. You okay? You look ill,” Liam was frowning as he dug through his pockets to find his keys. 

“Yeah I’m tired and I just want to go home, only came for the key,” Louis took the key and turned around bumping into someone. Louis recoiled clutching his side as a thousand needles punctured his skin over and over. He took heaving, desperate breaths trying to ease the pain but nothing was working. 

“Shit, sorry man,” the guy apologized and went on his merry way. Louis stood there struggling for a minute before managing to compose himself enough to move. He looked up and found Nick looking at him funny and Louis schooled his expression into something blank and dead. Didn't take that much work. 

Going as fast as he could Louis left and then called cab because he didn't think he could physically make it home. When he got home he cried as he eased his shirt off revealing the black and purple bruising spanning his side. He took pictures and printed them off shoving them into the envelope of others he’s taken and hiding everything in a small duffle under he bed. He let the ache of his heart exhaust him until he passed out dreaming of nothing but sad green eyes. 

***

The following weeks from there had only gotten worse. It started with drunk calls needing a ride home to almost overdoses on hard drugs and fits of rage ending in hidden bruises and injuries. Louis survived on, ‘keeping him away from them,’ he had a one track mind and one mission and that was to protect them. When Craig started threatening Harry was when Louis almost broke. He couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to him or Craig getting anywhere near him, so he went over to help his dad more, spent more hours cleaning up puke and spilled liquor, spending more hours at the diner to pay of his dad’s debt to make sure they didn't go to his mum to try and get the money. 

He rarely saw anybody no matter how hard they tried to get ahold of him. He avoided their calls and only came home when he knew everybody would be asleep. Louis hadn’t seen or heard from Harry since New Years. It hurt to think about how easy it was for Harry to abandon him. No chance to explain, not that it mattered anyways Louis was in too far with his own shit that he didn't need to drag Harry down with him. 

Louis made his way into the shady apartment his nose wrinkling from the smell. It was foul. He picked up trash that was laying around throwing it away searching for his dad. He was camped out on the bed in his room clearly drunk, the tv playing quietly in the background.  

“You reek,” Louis scolded him flicking on the light. His dad ignored him and kept flicking through the channels.

“I need $2,000 before Friday. Bring cash for me,” he said taking another sip from the beer sitting on the nightstand.  Louis just gawked at him.

“I don’t have that kind of money,” he stuttered out.

“Well, get it,” his father retorted chucking the beer bottle at him, it shattering on the wall next to his head. Louis had to duck to dodge the bottle and he stumbled out of the room, he didn't have that kind of money nor would he be able to get that much. His brain was reeling quickly trying to think of what to do. He started with the first thing he could think of, he called the diner and picked up six extra shifts between today, Monday, and Friday. He didn't have that kind of money, yet, he didn't really have a choice, did he. 

Walking home in the dead of winter was cold, but Louis didn't have enough money for the bus. His ears burned from the cold and his fingers were frozen, socks soaks all the way through. It was the middle of the night when Louis got back to his apartment and it was just as freezing inside as it was outside. Louis peeled of his damp clothes in his room finding his comfiest clothes, layering them over each other and realizing just how baggy they had become that they could all fit over each other comfortably. Louis crawled into his own freezing bed and couldn't stop the shakes and shivers as he tried to warm up. 

He felt dead, dead and cold and all of a sudden it was like a damn broke. Louis started sobbing into his pillow fat tears soaking the fabric and Louis was struggling to breathe through his sobs. Everything was a mess and he didn't know how to fix it. Chest tight with anxiety and more than that, agony. He missed Harry so damn much and he just wished that everything would be over. 

Louis tossed back the covers making his way down the hall to Liam’s room. He had never been so happy in his life to see his friend peacefully sleeping in his own room. Louis tried to quiet his sobs, he was acting like a scared child and he couldn't help it. Everything was becoming too much and he snapped. He crawled onto the bed lifting the covers the slightest bit to let himself in. Scooting forward he picked up Liam’s arm hanging uselessly at his side and rested it over himself pressing himself into Liam’s chest trying to ease the sobs that wracked painfully through his body. Only once Louis’ pressed his tear stained face into Liam’s chest did he stir and wake up finally.

“Lou? Jesus, whats wrong?” He asked pulling Louis closer with both arms and this, this is what Louis desperately needed. He just needed someone to hold him and keep his rapidly crumbling pieces together. Liam stroked his hand up and down his back, ran a hand through his messy fringe to brush it out of his face and Louis sobbed. Sobbed harder because Liam didn't hate him enough to kick him out of bed yet, he still cared enough to be there for him. 

“Lou, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” He asked again and Louis couldn't answer, he just cried and cried, ruining Liam’s t-shirt but he couldn't find the energy move. Liam kept asking and Louis simply couldn't answer, how was he supposed to explain the mess he was in. He couldn’t, so instead he clutched Liam’s shirt tighter and sobbed until he passed out blissfuly into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit. Am I right?! Did anyone suspect this? Or did I throw everybody off?!? 
> 
> I want to know ! (:


	26. Hidden Troubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a new banner!
> 
> Sorry this took so long to post. Life and stuff. I have three jobs right now and I'm not sure how that happened on top of being a full time student....

 

Louis was gone out of bed the next morning before Liam ever had a chance to ask him again what was wrong. Louis wanted to stay there all day but he had to work. And now here he was a few days later having been up for 32 hours. Thirty two hours he’s been working at the diner and during his breaks selling what little stuff he had left off trying to scrape together the money. This would be the last time, he was going to find out where the money was going and he was going to turn his dad into the police. 

He was cleaning off tables when his phone rang in his pocket. Jumping from the sudden sound Louis knocked over a pot of coffee. Swearing he pulled his phone out and grabbed a rag not bothering to look who it was. 

“Hello?” he answered. 

“Where are you?” the angry voice he had come to dread came over the phone. 

“I’m working,” Louis spat back at him.

“It’s Friday,” Louis paused, because yes, it was. 

“Where is my money?” Louis’ stomach dropped and his throat tightened. He thought he would have more time than this. He checked his watch and it read seven am. 

“I don’t have that much yet,” Louis told him his hands starting to shake as he mopped up spilled coffee. 

“Well, looks like I’ll just have to ask your mother. Jay dear, do you have the $2,000 Louis was supposed to give me?” His heart stopped when he heard his mothers voice in the background. Louis was moving before he could properly respond verbally. 

“Don’t you _dare_ touch her, do you hear me! I’ll bring the money,” he yelled into the phone running. His father simply cut him off and hung up and Louis sprinted, his heart about to explode from exertion. He had borrowed Liam’s car the other day thank god and it was still parked outside. He ran to the parking lot starting the car and took off driving well over the speed limit. 

***

Harry felt like shit. Whether it was the lack of sleep or the fact that he felt like there was a giant gaping hole in his heart, he wasn't sure which one was worse. He was shuffling around in his room grabbing things to get ready for class. This was the first time he was attempting to even go. Baby steps. 

He stuffed his backpack full and pulled on his warmer jacket and mittens digging around in his bin for a hat. Pulling one out he saw that it was a maroon beanie. Damnit.

It was Louis’ beanie. It made Harry’s throat feel tight as he gripped it before shoving it into his backpack. Maybe he needed closure, he could drop it off at the diner later for Louis and he’d never have to look at that stupid thing again. Pulling on his own hat, Harry stuffed his curls under it trying to keep his ears, as warm as possible. 

Harry felt like he’d been floating through life. Maybe not floating, more like a rock dragging behind a car through the mud, but yeah, floating. The commute to school was long and cold and Harry felt exhausted by the time he got there. Class was boring and by the time he was done he couldn't wait to simply go home and crawl under his duvet. The maroon beanie was weighing down in his backpack like a fifty pound rock. He just had to rip the bandaid off and get it over with. 

Harry slowly made his way towards the dinner his heart fluttering nervously. He hadn't seen Louis since New Years Eve and that hardly counted. Harry had been a nasty person that night, and he regrets kissing Nick because he didn't really want to hurt Louis. He really just wanted Louis to show him he _cared,_ yet here he is weeks later and he hasn't seen any sign of Louis. Harry wasn't sure what to think. He slowly trudged towards the diner dreading the awkward conversation that was about to happen. Louis was surely upset to some extent and it was 100% Harry fault this time. The door bell rung as he entered and he felt the rush of warm air hit his cheeks. There were a few people scattered around eating and drinking coffee. Harry looked around for Louis but he wasn't at the front counter. Krissy was there and when she spotted him her frown grew more angry. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked not unkindly but there was a twinge of hurt in her tone. Louis must have told her what happened. 

“I just wanted to give Louis his hat back. It’s cold out and such,” Harry told her sheepishly looking at the ground where a small puddle was forming from the snow on his boots. 

“Good luck with that, he hasn't shown up for the past two days,” Krissy said irritably. Which was strange in itself that Krissy was irritated but Louis not showing up to work was even weirder. Some unpleasant was curling in Harry’s gut and he felt his palms sweat a bit. Not his problem anymore. Louis wasn't his concern. 

“Well if he shows up can you give him his hat back? It’s cold out and I know he works late,” Harry pulled out the beanie and reluctantly handed it over to Krissy. Her features softened as she took it from him.

“Sure thing honey,” she gave him a small smile, “you do need to talk to him though sweetie, he was devastated. I’ve never seen him like that,” she sighed and there was a rock sitting on Harry’s chest making it hard to breath easily. 

“Yeah….yeah, alright I will,” Harry shuffled his feet and left quickly. Harry was feeling weird. His desire to curl up under his fluffy duvet was still strong but he also felt incredibly restless and the need to keep walking ended up leading him to Zayn’s front door.

He stood there for a moment wondering how he got here. He knocked lightly before stepping back and waiting. He could hear a small crash coming from inside and then the door flew open and a wild looking Zayn stood there. His raven hair stood up at a funny angle and he had paint smeared all over his skin. Harry chuckled because Zayn looked a bit crazed to be honest. 

“Have you even slept mate?” Harry remembers when they were younger that Zayn would get bouts of inspiration and he’d stay up all night just to finish the piece before, ‘the emotion that inspired it was gone’. Harry always would sleep in Zayn’s bed and make him food in the morning because god knows Zayn didn't move from his spot while he was working. 

“I uhhh had to work through some stuff,” Zayn said sheepishly rubbing at the back of his neck. Harry took in his appearance aside from his messy clothes and hair. He looked exhausted and not just from an overnight painting session. 

“Right, can I come in?” Zayn nodded and moved out of the way. Harry had missed Zayn, missed his quiet calming presence. They made tea in silence and Harry looked around at Zayn’s apartment. He had been here a few times since they made up but he had never seen it like this. There was fresh paintings and drawings scattered everywhere. Scribbles and doodles crumpled and thrown carelessly aside. Stacks of boxes of paints and charcoals. It was Zayn. A chaotic piece of art. 

“How’ve you been?” He asked sipping from the cracked mug full of warm tea. 

“I’ve been good, working on my art mostly,” Harry sighed. 

“That’s great. It looks incredible as always,” and that caused a small smile to flicker across Zayn’s face.

“Thanks,” Zayn dunked his tea bag around before pulling it out. “So, have you and Louis made up yet?” Zayn asked timidly. Harry froze, he looked up at Zayn and saw the ernest expression he was giving him and Harry physically deflated. 

“No, Zayn we haven’t and we probably won’t. He cheated on me Zayn,” Harry rubbed his hands across his face trying to ease some of the tension between his brows. 

“I’m not sure he did,” Zayn whispered quietly. Harry snapped up looking at him fiercely,

“Zayn he told me ‘he was going to tell me about him’,” Harry spat at him. Why did everyone think that Louis was innocent? He admitted to another guy. Zayn flinched back and bit but he also didn't back down.

“Harry, Louis isn't the same person he was when we were younger. He isn't selfish like that anymore and I have a hard time believing he could actually do that to anyone let alone you. He was devastated when you left, why would he do something like that when he finally got you back?” Zayn reasoned and Harry felt his blood boil. If Louis cared so much then why, why would he do something like that? “He hurt you and I get that Harry but you hurt him too. Talk to him about it at least.”

“Alright, I’ll think about it,” Harry sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face.

***

It was really early. Too early for his phone to be ringing but yet it was blaring loudly next to his head. Harry groaned and rolled over patting the empty space next to him trying to find his damn phone to turn it off. He found it finally under the other pillow and pressed answer without looking to see who it was. 

“Hello?” Harry answered quickly.

“Harry?! Shit, Harry have you—,” Liam was frantically asking from the other end of the line. 

“Wait, Liam I can’t hear you?” Harry pressed the phone closer to his ear, plugging his free one with his finger to block out any other noise. 

“Harry, have you seen Louis?” Harry snorted. 

“No, mate I haven’t. Incase you forgot we aren't exactly seeing each other right now,” Harry reminded him.

“Shit—mate just have you seen him around at all? I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important,” Liam asked and Harry could hear the desperation in his voice. Harry felt a twinge of worry plague his heart for a brief fleeting moment.

“No, I haven’t Liam,” Harry answered quickly, “He wasn't at the diner when I stopped by there the other day, Krissy said he hadn't shown up for the past two days,” he told him sitting up in his bed and throwing back the covers. 

“Shit—,” Liam cut off for a minute and Harry waited anxiously. “Harry, I haven't seen Louis in three days. He didn't show up for work, his backpack is here and he isn't answering his phone. Harry….he borrowed my car and he hasn't come back. I have no idea where he is,” Liam stated and Harry could hear the sheer panic in his voice now. Three days was a long time. Harry bit his lip. 

“Do…do you want me to come over and we can look for him?” Harry asked timidly. He was a bit worried despite his anger towards Louis.

“Yeah, yeah that would be great mate. I’m just—I’m just _really_ worried,” Harry could hear Liam pacing around the room. 

“Yeah, alright I’ll be over in a bit,” Harry told him breathlessly. He climbed out of bed pulling of jeans and jumper before he grabbed his keys and wallet stuffing them into his pockets. Half running towards the door he began pulling on his jacket and he paused. What if Louis’ didn't want to see him? Harry wasn't exactly excited to see him either but…he still cared. Something dark twisted in his gut and Harry opened the door. Something wasn't right. 

Harry felt himself hurrying to get over there despite his nervous energy. He knocked on the familiar door and Liam threw it open still looking frantic. 

“No one has heard from him,” he told him as he kept searching around the house for any sign of where he could have gone. 

“Have you tried calling his mum?” Harry asked and Liam nodded. 

“No answer,” Liam pulled out his phone and dialed it again. Then set it down once it reached voicemail again. 

“Did you check his room?” Liam nodded again. 

“Well, lets look again, maybe you missed something,” Harry tugged a hand through his curls as they went into Louis’ room. He felt like he was being slapped in the face. It was cold and something felt off in Louis’ room. It was clean for starters, it looked as if most of his stuff was gone making it feel empty. 

Harry started rummaging around on his desk but found nothing. Liam was searching through the closet and all he could find were a few old recites. Harry was starting to feel increasingly more frustrated because he couldn't think of where Louis would be. Thats went something caught his eye. There was a strap sticking out from under his bed and Harry bent down to pull it out. 

It was a small blue duffle bag and Harry zipped it open hoping to find anything at this point.  What Harry wasn't expecting was to find that the duffle was filled. Harry felt his stomach drop and he felt increasingly dizzy. His shaking hands reached inside and pulled out a baggy full of needles. Harry held it in front of his face and examined it before setting it on the bed. Was Louis on drugs? How did Harry not know that?

“Li—Liam come here,” Harry commanded shakily.

“What Harry? I’m still looking in the closet,” Liam sounded frustrated.

“LIAM. Come here _now,_ ” Harry’s hands were trembling so bad he could barely get them to move. He felt the blood leave his face and his heart stutter in his chest. There was more in the duffle. Harry pulled out an envelope and let the pile of pictures slide into his hand. Liam was now crouched down next to him staring at him with a worried look. Harry took one look at the first picture in the stack and he dropped the whole pile. It felt as if the pictures had burned him. 

On the top of the stack was a sullen looking Louis, his eyes looking hollow and dead as he held up his shirt revealing his battered side. Dark black bruises were covering vast majority of his side reaching half way across his chest. Harry held a hand over his mouth trying not to lose the contents of his stomach. There were more similar pictures scattered across the floor. Pictures of Louis’ bruised face, his back, his split lip, welts on his thighs and what looks like belt welts on his back in others. Harry was heaving, unable to get any breathe in.

“L—Liam, what that hell are these?” he looked at Liam and saw the tears in his eyes.

“I—I don’t know, I—I didn't know this was happening,” Liam asked picking up a picture dated from New Years Eve. Louis was holding up his shirt, deep bruises were surrounding his ribs and Harry felt the bile rise in his throat. There was a hospital band clipped to the back of the picture and Harry couldn't take it. He ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach his entire body shaking. 

Once he finished dry heaving he rinsed his mouth and went back to find Liam crying silently having pulled more items from the duffle bag. 

“Harry…there are more pictures and hospital release papers and bank transactions to the name Craig Tomlinson?” Liam asked and Harry’s heart went stone cold. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. 

“Oh god…Oh god, oh god, Liam…LIAM! We—we need to go NOW. Right now!” Harry was stuffing everything back into the duffle bag and grabbing Liam by the sleeve. “Shit—oh god, Liam,” Harry felt tears leaking down his face. 

“Harry—what, where are we going?” Liam was frantically asking but Harry grabbed his keys duffle slung over his shoulder and he shoved a jacket at Liam.

“It’s his dad Liam, Craig Tomlinson is his dad. He’s been in prison for years until now apparently,” Harry felt his heart pounding as they ran to the car. Then it hit him and Harry stopped him his tracks. 

Him. _Him._ Oh god. Him. Louis was going to tell him about _him._ Louis wasn't cheating on him. He had been going to see his dad. Oh shit. Harry was possibly the worst person ever. He stood there the cold wind freezing the tear tracks on his cheeks. He felt himself sway a bit. Liam was standing in front of him his lips were moving but Harry couldn't hear him. His ears were ringing and his head was swirling. There were bone deep aches rippling through him and Harry _hated_ himself. 

“Harry—Harry we need to go!” Liam’s shouting finally came into focus. Harry felt all the blood rush through his veins again. 

“We need to go to Holmes Chapel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good? bad? I need motivation to finish this....hellppp xxxxx


	27. Is it Safe Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. SOOOOOOO SOOOO SORRYYYYY! I'm Sorryyyyy! Here it is though! (;

The drive to Holmes Chapel in his rusty car was excruciating. Harry couldn't seem to slow his pounding heart and he repeatedly wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, his mind a string of ‘oh gods’ and ‘oh fucks’ for the entire ride. It had Harry ready to claw his chest apart a rip out his own heart. How the fuck did he not notice? All those times Louis was twitchy and nervous made sense. Him being distant and weird _made sense_. Harry was officially the worlds largest asshole that he couldn't even notice his own boyfriends downward spiral. 

His heart was throbbing causing sharp pains to radiate up his sides and down his spine. His body felt like it was physically shutting down from it’s own self-destruction button being pressed long ago, his rampant mind the last thing barely working. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Liam whispered into the radio silence that had been the past hour of the drive. Harry felt the familiar sting behind his eyes and his heart clench in pain. He felt desperate and twitchy. He _needed_ Louis to be okay. 

“I hope to god you’re right,” Harry breathed out. He white knuckled the steering wheel tighter. Louis has always been it for Harry and he couldn't believe that he had let this happen to him. Of course Louis hadn't told him, martyring bastard. Never let anyone know he was suffering. Harry’s throat felt tight.

“What if he isn't Liam? I don't know what I’ll do if he’s not,” Harry whispered. Liam grip his shoulder tightly before bringing it back to his lap. 

“He will be, he’s strong Harry. You may have known him before, but you still hardly know him now. He’s different than when I first met him. Stronger despite his faults,” Liam was wringing his hands around in his lap. “I was really angry at you at first you know—for leaving him like you did when you thought he cheated,” Liam paused trying to formulate the right way to say everything. “I couldn't believe it but he didn't deny it and that was strange to me, he would never? Then he went awol and I knew something was going on,” Liam was sniffling in his seat, “He’s my best friend Harry and I let this happen to him,” Liam wiped furiously at his eyes and Harry felt the sting of tears in his own.

“It’s no one’s fault but we do need to fix this,” Harry stated gripping the steering wheel pressing down the peddle to speed just a bit more.

“It’ll be okay, it’s Louis,” Liam whispered. 

***

They pulled down Louis’ old street quickly, Harry and Liam jumping out of the car and running up to the door anxious to see what lies behind. Harry wasn't sure whether to barge in or what to do so he settled for knocking, more or less pounding. 

The door swung open and Louis was standing there, unharmed and Harry was left dumbfounded. Louis realized who it was and his eyes narrowed and his mouth formed a tight lipped line.  
“Why are you here?” He asked angrily. Harry felt all his breathe leave his body.

“Wha—what-tt? Where’s Craig? Where’s your dad?” Harry stuttered out the duffle bag full of horrific pictures at his feet.

“Inside eating, like I’m supposed to be? You’re interrupting dinner, so I’ll ask again. What do you want?” Louis looked pissed and annoyed and Harry was so confused he felt dizzy. He was prepared for blood, for bruises and cuts and screaming and violence but not this cold Louis who was having dinner with _him._ He fish mouthed unsure of how to proceed. 

“I found your duffle bag…” Harry tried testing his reaction. Louis went stone cold and ramrod straight. Harry could see the visible tension in his shoulders and his eyes narrowed to slits. 

“Get out.” His tone was void of any emotion. It sounded dead and Harry felt desperate. 

“Louis—wait!” But Louis was already slamming the door in their faces. The noise vibrated through Harry’s chest and he stood there frozen to the spot. Looking in the window to the left he could see Louis’ family sitting down for dinner. He could _see_ him sitting there eating dinner like Harry wasn't holding a duffle bag full of evidence that could put him in prison for life. Slowly, Harry turned towards Liam who looked just as dumbfounded as he did. 

“Somethings wrong,” Liam’s eyes narrowed. Harry nodded in agreement.

“What do we do?” Harry still felt panicky and almost feverish. 

“I don’t know Harry. I don’t understand whats happening,” Liam stuttered out. Harry eyed the door one last time before turning away grabbing the duffle bag. 

“Wait— Harry where are we going? We can’t just leave him in there you’ve seen the picture!” Liam was jogging after him quickly. 

“We can’t stand out here either though because he will know something is up. We can’t let him know that we know because he might do something to Louis,” Harry was trying to make sense of everything his mind a mess of intense panic and agony over the pictures he carried in the bag. “We need to make a plan or something, we need to find a way to get him out of there,” Harry was already trying to formulate something in his head but he kept coming to the same road block of not wanting to tip Craig off. 

 

***

The only sound in the room was the clank of forks and knifes and nervous gulps of milk. Louis felt coiled tight like his body might break at any minute. He had arrived a few days ago to find tight smiles and scared eyes. Craig hadn't done anything other than threaten them so far. They had been waiting for the moment that he snapped and the violence would come. 

 Pretending to be a happy family, eating dinner together the past few nights per Craig’s request was leaving Louis borderline faint, ninety-five percent of the time. Having his father too close to his little sisters made his heart pound painfully in his chest with fear. The way he would tuck loose strands behind their ears had the hair of the back of his neck standing on end. Lottie and Fizz remembered him vaguely but not much more than that, the twins remembered nothing. This made things difficult because they didn't understand why Louis and their mother were constantly on edge rushing them out of rooms and hiding them away upstairs in locked bedrooms. 

Louis was at a loss for what to do. This couldn't go on forever, pretending that nothing is wrong. Craig would crack at some point and finish whatever he was planning and Louis found himself trembling and panting in the bathroom in panic waiting for something, _anything,_ to happen. 

“Louis—dinner’s ready” he could hear the slight off kilter tone to his mother’s voice and Louis splashed some cold water on his face, running his fingers through his wild hair. Taking a few harsh breaths through his nose to calm himself he hurried downstairs. His little sisters waited patiently at the table while their mum scooped spaghetti onto their plates. Louis could feel Craig’s scrutinizing gaze burning holes in his neck as he went to the fridge to grab milk. He felt his shoulders hunch as if that could protect him from the inevitable blow up that was bound to happen.

Walking back to the table arms full of bowls of salads and milk jugs he sat quietly in his seat next to his father. Everybody quietly ate while Louis shoved his food around on his plate not being able to eat anything, nausea rolling in his stomach. The twins chatted here and there about school oblivious to the tension in the room. A knock sounded on the door and Louis froze. 

Craig leaned back in his chair, glanced out the window and moved back to forking meatballs off his plate. 

“Louis, it seems we have some visitors for you. Get rid of them,” He commanded quietly, his tone terrifyingly calm. Louis’s breathe caught in his throat as he slowly got up from the table to answer the door unsure of who was on the other side. He pulled the door open ready to politely send the neighbors away but his heart cracked in half when a red eyed Harry and Liam stood on the step.

Panic, sheer unadulterated panic flowed like ice through his veins and Louis schooled his face into what he hoped resembled anger. Harry couldn't be here. His heart was causing sharp agonizing thumps in his chest and he felt dizzy. Harry needed to go, _now._ Both of them needed to leave. Holy shit—this was not good. Craig was going to be furious and Louis was worried this would be the last straw of Craig’s patience. 

“Why are you here?” He asked trying to mask his hysteria with anger.

“Wha—what-tt? Where’s Craig? Where’s your dad?” Harry struggled to get his words out. Louis was trying to hide his shaking hands. 

“Inside eating, like I’m supposed to be? You’re interrupting dinner, so I’ll ask again. What do you want?” Nothing is wrong, nothing is wrong, _nothing is wrong,_ Louis chanted over and over in his head hoping to project it but mind was screaming at him to run, to beg for help. Louis needed Harry to leave, to be safe and _far_ away as possible. 

“I found your duffle bag…” Harry paused and Louis saw the bag resting and his feet. Louis felt white hot terror flash through his entire body draining all the blood out of him leaving him stone cold. 

“Get out.” Louis was desperate, so incredibly desperate to make them just _leave._

“Louis—wait!” He could hear Harry shouting but he slammed the door quickly resting his forehead against it, letting himself drag in a few harsh breathes before returning to the table. 

Craig wasn't looking at him, he was poking the food on his plate. Louis curled in on himself and sat down picking up his fork to keep up the ruse. 

“They’re gone and they won’t bother us again. Sorry for disturbing dinner,” Louis apologized quietly. Lottie was giving him wide scared eyes meaning she must have heard him speak to Harry that way. The thought made Louis squirm in his seat. Craig got up taking his plate with him and threw it into the sink where it shattered the loud sound of it breaking startling everyone in the room. Louis’ whole body was tensed up ready for it now. The first smack across his face left him only slightly stunned. 

“Don’t disrespect me,” He shouted in Louis’ ear. All Louis could do was stare at his plate his face throbbing painfully. The girls had all frozen looking at him with wide-terrified eyes. Craig smacked him upside the back of the head harshly before storming out of the room. Louis took a few deep breathes, he could feel five sets of eyes burning holes into him. 

“Why don’t you girls finish your food upstairs at your tea table, yeah? It’ll be like  proper tea party then,” Louis tried for a small smile. The girls nodded and quickly scurried upstairs spaghetti plates in hand. Jay was the only one that remained behind eyes fixated on her own plate.

“What do we do Louis?” she asked quietly, exhaustion and desperation clear in her tone. Louis sat there heart pumping slower and slower until it felt as if it was almost stopping. He hoped it would.

“I don’t know mum—I don’t know,” he laughed a bit sadistically. Louis helped make sure the kitchen was spotless before running upstairs to check on his sisters. It was late now and when he cracked open their doors. They were all peacefully passed out on their beds together. Louis felt a rush of relief before turning the lock from the inside to make sure no one else could get in tonight. 

He could hear Craig downstairs still, sitting on the couch watching telly. Probably massively intoxicated by now. It scared Louis. Sure, he had been dealing with it for a while but he wasn't sure when his so called father would snap and end this facade already. Louis made his way back upstairs into his mothers room. He needed to make a plan with her. He knocked on the door lightly not wanting to wake anyone else up. He could hear a small shuffle and his mother pausing by the door.

“Who is it?” she asked quietly and Louis sighed, he was afraid it was Craig. 

“It’s Louis mum,” he whispered back through the door. He heard the click of a lock and his mum peeked out at him a grim look on her face. He walking in past her and they both sat on the edge of the bed. She looked exhausted, her hair was looking more gray and the wrinkles around her mouth more pronounced. This couldn't go on any longer. 

“I want you guys to run,” Louis blurted out. “ I want you to take the girls while he’s passed out and run. I don’t care where you go, just leave and get out of this city or the country for that matter,” Louis was choking on his words. He needed his family to be safe. His mum was looking at him with wide eyes already welling with tears.

“Louis we can’t leave you here. That’s not an option. If we go, you go with us end of discussion.” She told him sternly furious tears trailing down her cheeks. Louis gripped his hair in frustration. 

“ _Mum_ ,” Louis was fighting off his own tears. “You need to take the girls and you need to go,” he stressed. She was shaking her head eyes scrunched closed. Louis grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to his mothers forehead. “You will go and I will be fine, I promise” Louis sobbed out finally.  He wiped his eyes and stood up going to his mothers closet grabbing her duffle bag from the top shelf. 

“Pack your stuff you need, important papers, passports, clothes and whatever else you might need. I have some money to give you. I’ll get the girls stuff packed for them.” His mother was staring at him with wide eyes, wondering where her shy little boy went. Wondering when the boy her son used to be died and this stern man showed up. She wiped her eyes as well grabbing some clothes and stuffing them into her bag and unlocking her safe to grab all their passports. She paused looking at him closely and pulled him into her arms.

“I love you Louis,” she pressed a kiss to his temple and Louis shuddered his heart clenching painfully in his chest.

“I love you too mum,” she sobbed out before pulling away and going to get his sisters stuff packed. He felt a bit robotic, his legs moving stiffly and he wondered when he father would finally end it for him. 

***

Harry and Liam had pulled into the driveway of his old house, nostalgia washing over him. The white fence and red trim was comforting in a way that he had forgotten. Liam had followed him to the front door bags in tow knocking on the front door and waiting awkwardly. He hadn't told his mother he was coming and he wasn't sure how she would react to the reason for him being her. The door opened and his mother looked at him wide eyes, a dish towel still in her hand. 

“Harry, honey, what are you doing home? Don’t you have class?” She asked and Harry could see the concern in her eyes. 

“Mum, we need to figure some stuff out. We think Louis might be in trouble…” Harry adjusted the duffle bag over his shoulder as his mum stepped aside. 

“Alright then, how can I help?” She smiled grimly giving Liam a pat on the cheek and a kiss and he came inside.

Harry and Liam had sat down with his mum and explained everything. First she scolded Harry telling him she had raised him better than to act like that. Harry had hung his head and tried to fight the anxiety that was bubbling in his stomach. They had decided that Anne would reach out to Jay first to try and get a feel for the situation over there before they proceeded any further. Three days later though, they hadn't planned this. Him and Liam had simply been stocking up on food for the time being at tesco’s when they saw him in the next isle over. Liam and Harry had looked at each other seemingly thinking the same thing. They paid and followed Louis out of the store staying far enough behind him. When they got towards the back of the parking lot Harry jogged towards Louis quickly. Once he stood in front of him he saw Louis’ eyes grow wide and he started backing away dropping the bags he was carrying. Louis was too slow though because Harry had grabbed him around the waist and threw the small boy over his shoulder securing him there with his arms. 

Immediately, Louis started squirming  on Harry’s shoulder once his disorientation must have passed. There was only a few moments of silence before something in Louis snapped and Harry had to grip the back of his thighs for dear life. 

“LET ME GO! HARRY—LET ME GO!” Louis was struggling and thrashing over Harry’s shoulder and in his arms where he was half dragging Louis towards the car. He kept moving as Louis pounded his fists on his back. “Harry—HARRY! Put me down!” Louis was screaming his voice raw and desperate. “Stop—stop, please let me go!” Louis had started digging his nails into the back of Harry’s arms and it stung. He could feel it breaking the skin but he squeezed that much tighter. They were almost to the car where Liam was waiting his eyes wide and scared. Never having seen Louis act this way. All of a sudden there was a sharp pain in Harry’s arm, Louis was biting him. Hard. 

“OW, fuck Louis stop!” Harry almost dropped him but managed to ease him close enough to the ground to not crack his head open. Louis scrambled away quickly his eyes wild like a cornered animal. Harry rubbed his arm feeling the already forming bruise. 

“What the hell do you think you’re playing at Harry?! You left me! What don't you get about that, you left _me._ That means leave me the hell alone!” Louis was shouting his voice cracking at the end.

“Louis—I know what your dad is doing! You have to let us help you!” Harry tried to reason with him. Why was Louis resisting?

“So taking me away is the answer? Leaving my four sisters and my mother to fend for themselves against him _is the answer?_ ” Louis sounded hysterical it was terrifying. Harry felt a sense of dread wash over him. He hadn't even considered that, what would happen if Louis left first. Louis was gripping his hair tightly before he stalked off. Harry panicked. Knowing Louis was going back there and he couldn't stop him.

“Louis—Louis wait!” Harry started jogging after him, Liam in tow. Louis grabbed his bags and kept walking. “What can we do to help, please,” He reached for Louis’ wrist, “What can we do,” he pleaded when Louis finally stopped.  

“Leave me alone,” Louis’ voice was deeper than it ever had been, resonating through him leaving him feeling cold and tired as the older boy walked away. Liam had grabbed his arm to stop him from going after him. 

“Harry, I think its time we got the cops involved,” Liam half whispered. 

“I think you’re right,” Harry sighed unease curling in his belly. 

***

“LOUIS!” Craig was shouting over and over downstairs dragging him from his restless attempt at sleep, thoughts of Harry and Liam plaguing his dreams. He scrambled out of bed and almost slipped in his socks from running too fast down the stairs. Dressed in a t shirt and some footie sweats Louis was a rumpled mess. Standing in the doorway was four strange men with angry scowls on their faces that made Louis blood curdle. His dad had his back turned to him and the two men were glaring harshly at the two of them. Louis eyes them warily, their large stature the first and not that last thing he noticed. They were littered in tattoos and scars, stubble and bulging muscles that made Louis cower more than he’d like to admit. 

“Make us some drinks would ya,” his dad commanded waving him off and Louis almost couldn't move. Finally he found the nerve to move and he started towards the kitchen pulling the liquor out of the cabinet. It was half past one am. Whatever they were here for was not going to be good.  With shaky hands Louis carried the three drinks out into the living room setting them down on the coffee table. His entire body was trembling, the two men had taken off their coats. Two guns sat in holders on each of them and Louis felt his hands starting to sweat. 

“We’ve given you plenty of time Craig,” One of the men said from their recliner where he was lounging foot leisurely resting on his leg. 

“ I know, you guys have been very generous and I will have it to you soon,” Craig started stumbling over his words and Louis felt his throat go tight. His freaking bastard of a dad was scared.

Louis started backing a way trying to get upstairs because the way this conversation was headed meant it was going to end in disaster. His mind was racing and thoughts of his sisters sleeping soundly upstairs had his heart pounding painfully in his chest. If he could just wake his mother and get them to climb out of the window or something. There was the large tree there but could Daisy and Phoebe make it without his help? He doubted it and panic was creeping into his bones. Louis was about to turn to go up the stairs when one of the men slammed their drink down on the table.

“Not this time Craig. Not this time,” The one with the dagger tattoo shouted rattling through Louis’ ribs. The other one had got up and was walking towards Louis who curled into himself trying to be ready for anything. The scruffy man fisted his t-shirt in his massive hand and drug him back into the center of the room. The two others went to block the stairs from view. 

“What can I do? What do I need to do?” Craig was begging and it made Louis sick with disgust. His father was nothing but scum. 

“This is it Craig,” the one still had his fist curled into Louis’ shirt dragging him closer, his rank hot breath on Louis’ face. Louis was trying to put as much distance between him and the man but he couldn't get very far. The other had closed in on Craig who was basically begging at this point.

“Wait! No! No-wait, stop!” Craig was shouting as the man got closer to him.

“Take the boy! You can take him!” He shouted quickly his breath sounding airy with fear. Louis should have felt hurt, he should have felt the dagger piercing his heart from his fathers words but he felt numb. His limbs hanging limp at his sides. He couldn't even bring himself to look up from the floor anymore. 

“I’ll give him to you as the rest of my payment. You can use him for whatever or sell him off for me!” His father was pleading and really Louis could only hear bits and pieces of it, the ringing in his ears making it hard to hear anything at all. 

“Not enough Craig,” the one spoke and Louis is pretty sure he heard a whimper come from his father. 

“You can have one of the girls two, that should do it right?” 

Louis’s mind went blank and all he could see was red. Rage was the only way to describe it.

“YOU BASTARD!” Louis screamed before tugging and ripping his shirt out of the other mans hand lunging at the pathetic excuse for a man. He was on him his fist pounding into his face over and over again. He couldn't even feel the hits he couldn't stop himself. The rage flowing through his veins hot like lava. Tears were blurring his vision and him and his father started wrestling. Craig managed to get in a few punches back as they rolled around on the floor. The other two men were shouting behind him but Louis couldn't hear anything his tunnel vision leaving him deaf. His father had finally managed to get the upper hand pinning Louis beneath him but that didn't stop Louis from thrashing and kicking. Craig was destroying his face, Louis could feel warm blood trickling down his cheek. 

A gun shot sounded and Louis froze for a moment in fear. Everything coming back into crystal clear focus. 

The fear in his fathers eyes and they locked onto his and the rapidly spreading blood down the front of his shirt. The way his brows furrowed in confusion and he looked down at his chest and back up at Louis before slumping forward his eyes rolling back into his head. Louis heart rate spiked. NononononononononNO NO! NO! Louis was struggling to push the heavy body off him where it was pinning him to the floor. There was banging and shouting and more gun shots and Louis finally managed to pull himself out from underneath his fathers body and scrambled away straight into the wall. 

His chest was heaving and his body was trembling too hard for him to move any farther. He could hear the shouts coming from outside and around the house and the two men gone from the room. Louis couldn't breathe properly. His chest felt too tight and nothing could ease it. He was trying to claw the muscle there forcing it to ease so he could breathe but nothing was working. He looked back at the room and his fathers blank dead eyes were looking back at him. 

The trembling stopped. The shouting became quiet. Everything stopped. 

***

Anne had been on the phone with Jay just hours before Liam and Harry got home late that night. When they came back flustered from their encounter with Louis to a distressed Anne they knew they had to do something. 

Over the phone Jay had heard Craig shouting at the girls and at Jay about whatever and Anne knew it was bad. Combined with the duffle bag they had enough to contact the police. 

Liam made the call while Harry wrapped his arms around his mother trying to calm her. She brushed her fingers through his hair and he rubbed her shoulder soothingly. Liam came back into the room phone clutched in his hand. 

“They’re been a call about a disturbance from one of their neighbors” Liam said breathlessly. “We need to go there now,” Liam said urgently and they all jumped up hearts beating anxiously in their chests. They drove quickly and parked a bit down the road. Anne stayed back in the car while Liam and Harry snuck around back.

“This way,” Harry whispered and directed Liam to the large, overgrown tree Harry used to use to climb to Louis’ room growing up. Harry went first, easing his way up the branches his muscle memory driving him up. He came face to face with window of Louis’ old room. He knocked lightly on the window expecting Louis to answer but a sleepy eyes Daisy slid the window open.

“Harry?” she whispered rubbing softly at her eye. 

“Daisy, I need to come inside, is your brother home?” He asked urgently climbing through the window as quietly as possible once he stepped aside. He saw that Louis’ old room was being occupied by the girls, Phoebe sitting up in the bed looking at him her little face scrunched in worry. 

“Girls, I need you to get dressed okay? Quick as you can okay sweetheart,” Harry started searching for warm clothes for the girl to wear and he turned back to see Daisy grabbing a backpack.

“Daisy, you don't need a backpack sweetie,” Harry started but Daisy was already getting dressed. 

“Louis said I had to bring this when I leave, he packed it for me,” She said pulling on her pink jacket and shoes. Harry felt stunned for a minute. Louis was planning for them to leave?

“Phoebe? You almost ready?” He asked grabbing her jacket for her. 

“Yeah, I’m tired Harry,” she whined and Harry’s heart clenched. “I know, you’ll be able to sleep soon, I promise,” Harry told her stroking her hair. “My friend Liam is waiting at the bottom of the tree, if I help do you think you girls can climb down? Mama Anne is waiting for you girls in the car,” he told them as calmly as he could. Both girls nodded following Harry to the window. He held both girl under the armpits guiding them to the thick branch making sure they were steady for having them climb down. Liam was waiting at the bottom plucking them from the tree once they were within arms reach. Harry saw that they were safe on the ground Liam herding them towards the car. 

Harry quietly made his way down the hall towards the other girls room. He could hear talking downstairs but he didn't want to alert Craig to him being there. He knocked on the door quietly and he could hear someone come to the door and pause. 

“Louis?” he heard a small voice whisper.

“Lottie? It’s Harry,” He whispered ear against the door. He stepped back and it opened slowly a wide-eyed Lottie looking at him.

“Harry what are you doing here?” She asked and Harry slipped inside the door and closed it behind him. 

“It’s time to go, I know Louis had you pack some stuff up, Daisy told me. I know its sudden but I need you guys safe,” He was hurrying through his words as the other girl started getting out of bed. They threw on their clothes quicker than the younger two. Grabbing their bags. 

Harry cracked the door open the voices downstairs were arguing loudly now. Shit. He had to hurry. Harry turned back to signal the girl to follow his and when he stepped out of the door he was slammed into the wall his head bouncing off the drywall. 

“Going somewhere?” A rough voice ask and punched Harry straight in the jaw causing him to stumble to the side. “Ladies,” The voice sneered and Harry saw red. He pushed himself off the wall and lunged forward catching the guy off guard nailing him right in the face. They started wrestling and trying to land punches on one another. 

“GIRLS GO!” He shouted pushing the guy across the hall and into the bathroom. He could hear shouting downstairs and the girls running behind him towards the other room. The gruff man was twice Harry’s size and his punches were leaving him senseless. He could feel his entire body throbbing as he struggled to keep the guy occupied. The man kicked Harry’s legs out from underneath him and Harry’s head hit the cold tile. He lay dazed there his mind screaming to get up and get the girls out. Rolling over and painfully pushing himself up Harry stumbled towards the room where he saw Liam trying to pin the guy down his eyes ablaze. 

“Liam!” Harry shouted running to help him but Liam had managed to knock the guy out finally. Panting over him he stood up. Their loud pants could be heard over the yelling that was happening downstairs. The banging on the front door was shaking the house and suddenly a gun shot rang out. Liam and Harry froze, starring at one another. Then it was as if all hell broke lose. The yelling escalated and the shouts were ringing throughout the house. Harry and Liam struggled out the back window and down the tree. Seeing the flashing red and blue lights in front of the house. They both jogged forward hands in the air, police running towards them and laying them on the ground. Harry lay there face pressed into the damp grass his body aching and heart feeling heavy. His heart spiked at the thought of Louis trapped in the house. 

Harry was being picked up off the ground and drug towards the mass of cops and other personnel. Harry caught sight of chestnut hair and his stomach dropped. 

“Louis!” Harry was being led towards the other ambulance away from a shattered looking Louis. He was sitting up on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance the paramedics working around him as he stared blankly ahead. His eyes looked dead, ringed with purple bruises and blood smeared across his cheek. Harry could see the slight tremble to his shoulders and he knew it wasn't from the cold. “Lou!” He tried getting his attention again and Louis slowly turned his head, inch by inch his eyes finally reaching Harry and Harry felt his stomach clench. It was like Louis was looking right through him, he wasn't even seeing him. His eyebrows furrowed a bit before he turned to look ahead again, barely wincing as the paramedic stitched him up.

Harry was sat next to Liam in the back of the other ambulance the doors closing them off from the chaos outside the house. Harry sat there his heart feeling like a stone. Liam simply leaned over and rested his head lightly on Harry’s shoulder both boys searching for some form of comfort. 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hereee it is folks !

It was cold in the waiting room. Harry sat in a hard plastic chair legs drawn up awkwardly to his chest trying to warm himself up with his own limbs. They wouldn't let him in to see Louis, he wasn't family and apparently it was a bit of a delicate situation right now, blah, blah, blah Harry just wanted to at least look through the window to ease his mind. See that Louis was still here and he was somewhat okay. 

Who was he kidding. Louis wasn't okay. News of what happened in the house had reached Harry when the police had come to question him and Harry felt his limbs ache and his heart clench when they described the scene that was left behind to him. It scared him, knowing that Louis had been going through all of this, that he had been doing it alone. He wasn't sure what was going to happen from here, but if Louis would have him, he’d do anything he could. 

“Harry dear?” Harry looked up and Jay was standing there holding two steaming cups of tea. “You need sleep, and to drink and eat something,” she told him handing him the cup. Harry cradled it, basking in the warmth seeping into his hands. 

“I will, just want to see him first,” Harry mumbled into the cup. Jay sighed next to him, placing a hand on his back and rubbing in soothing circles. 

“Might now be for awhile sweetheart, he’s not doing very well,” Harry could hear the chocked up tone of her voice and he slumped even more. “I wanted to thank you though, for doing what you did and getting the girls. I can never thank you enough for that,” the first tears sliding down her cheeks. Harry nodded and rested his head against her shoulder. They stayed like that for awhile, tea gone long cold. Harry had closed his eyes when suddenly Jay went rigid. 

“Lou, honey what are you doing out of bed?” Harry’s eyes shot open and he sat up taking in the fragile looking boy in front of him. His gown hung off his thin battered body. Bruises littered his arms and face and dark circles resided under his dull blue eyes. Louis took a deep breath and finally met Harry’s eyes. Tears started falling down his cheeks as he stood there and Harry thought he might die. His body was strung tight waiting for any sign that he could go to him. Louis looked down and lifted his hand slightly, and that was all Harry needed.

He bolted out of his chair sliding his arms under Louis’ shoulders and lifting him to his chest. Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist desperately clinging to him heavy sobs shaking his small frame. Harry thought he might be hurting him by how hard he was holding him but Louis nosed his way into Harry’s neck and he could feel tears sliding down his collarbones. Harry was crying. He hadn't realized it but as he clung to Louis tears of relief were stinging his eyes. He was so incredibly relieved. That Louis was here, that he still let him be there for him. 

“I love you, I’m so sorry, god Louis, I love you so much,” Harry cried into his hair and Louis dug his nails into Harry’s shoulders. 

“I love you too,”Louis cried into Harry’s neck his body shaking slightly. Harry held him tight trying to keep the pieces together. Harry saw Jay over Louis’ shoulder nodding her head towards Louis’ room. Harry simply carried him along the hallway. Jay opened the door for them and Harry sat down on the edge of the bed adjusting Louis’ legs so his sat him his lap. They stayed like that for awhile, before Harry finally laid them down on the bed Louis laying on top of him. Harry continued to rub soothingly up and down Louis’ back, Jay smiling softly as she snuck out. 

“I know you’re not okay Louis, but you will be, I promise. If you’ll have me I will always be here for you,” Harry whispered into the shell of Louis ear who nodded, exhaustion finally pulling him under. 

The next couple days went pretty similar to that, Harry stayed as Louis healed up enough to go home. He had appointments set up to talk to people to help him “cope” but one morning Harry woke up without Louis in his arms and he rolled over. 

Louis was staring out the window, the sun shinning making his feathery hair glow in the golden rays of early morning. He had a small smile on his face and Harry knew that he would be okay. 

Louis was discharged and they didn't go back to Jay’s and they didn't go back to Louis’. Harry and Louis found a small old studio close to uni and made it a fresh new space. It had no past memories, no bad feelings, a clean slate for Louis and a great start for them both. 

It wasn't easy. Louis struggled and Harry always tried to be there for him as best he could. When Louis woke in the middle of the night screaming, Harry would hold him while he sobbed and fix him his favorite cup of tea. They would stay up talking about it, soft whispers in the night easing them into quiet mornings. 

Slowly though, Louis got better. He smiled more, ate more, went out more and worried just a bit less. Harry could cry during those times when the radiant boy he fell in love with shined through all of the crap they’ve been through.

Harry came home one day with a small kitten for Louis’ it had been abandoned on the side of the rode and brought to an adoption center. Louis beamed cuddling it to his chest, named it Dusty.

They made a home, both their families came to visit. Louis’ had to retake a few classes but he was still on track. They lived and Harry couldn't help the surge of affection in his chest when Louis’s eyes crinkled when he smiled.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading! I'm sorry it took so long to finish this but to those of you who stuck it out much love and good vibes !!!(:


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